I feel depressed & defeated, nothing works with me.
TW: undereating
I need help & genuine advice so pls don't shun me.
170cm, 21F, 190lbs. I have been eating 1000 calories since last year. First I started with homemade/prepackaged salads(no protein bc it was a pain to cook), they were 500 cal, I would eat them after work 6pm(omad) & be full. There were times I went out with friends or eat my mom's food 1-2 times couple month but I never binged. I gave up on carbs and oil. My parents blamed that my activity level has gone down in the pandemic. Despite regularly eating (overestimated)1000 calories below my Tdee my weight didn't budge, I was fatigued & constipated but I blamed it on lack of sleep. Last yr my weight was stuck on 185 but it went down to 176 when I didn't eat anything for a couple weekends & working 6 hrs on busy drive thru but ofc not eating anything would give me a crazy headache so when I would be on my normal routine it would climb back up.
This yr I blamed my failure on consuming no protein, I even had a bald spot, so I bought 160 cal premier shakes, I stopped eating salads since they're not nutritious enough to be my omad. These day s I like greek yogurt bowl. I bought a scale & logged my food regularly which come to almost 1000 cal. I no longer am constipated & my bald spot fixed itself.
Here the important part, even though I consume less than my tdee my body has become used to it. I don't feel hungry even at the drastic deficit, even if I go out my appetite is way lower than it used to be. I feel disgusted by oily & sugary foods. I like to cook & film videos but I don't bc if I cook it i'll have to eat it, my groceries rott as I don't end up using them, I'm satiated with bell pepper slices & hummus which is barely 200 cal. Dieting has changed me in so many ways, these feel like positive changes but a. I can't/don't eat enough b. I don't lose weight which is an oxymoron i know. I had 2 premier shakes today, 320 calories, do I wanna eat more? no.
People always tell me to eat more I argue why don't I lose when I'm on a deficit, they just end up making me feel bad about myself. I can't do intensive workout my nasal passage is only 25% open, anything other than walking & dancing gives me headaches like my brain isn't getting enough oxygen or I'm panting from my mouth like a cow. Other people talk about hidden calories, seriously how much can a bowl of yogurt or salad (omad) can be 2000 cal.
Are there any illnesses that prevent weight loss? My mom tells me to do remedies, cumin water, lemon water, I don't believe those. We're both witnesses to each others lifestyle, she works 50 hrs standing, does housework for 5 ppl, she eats more than me but nothing unhealthy but still overweight.
My patience it running out although I'm not a quitter, tracking calories, working out, learning about my tdee has made me bitter bc I can see ppl eat more than me & while moving less. Shaming has made me more of aware of my appearance, what others see is a fat person with no self control but inside I'm a girl who barely eats enough to survive, how dare people tell me to eat more, how dare people tell me to eat less, they don't know what I'm going through.
People say this isn't sustainable, I say do I not deserve a little bit of hope? Why does other people's cabbage soup diets work, why not me? can I atleast lose the starting 5 lbs? I can't eat more bc this dieting has killed my appetite, I'll throw up, I'll waste food! I just want it to work.
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