Rejoined the gym and getting fatter?

So I have quite the history with weight loss. In high school I went from 195 to 145 with CICO.

Since then, I’ve ballooned up to 250 lbs. tracking my calories, I got this down to 233lbs.

I’ve since joined the gym and began lifting heavy again, barely do cardio. I’m sticking to a 1,810 calorie goal as a 5’7, 21y/o male, weighing at 230lbs. I take preworkout, creatine, and a protein shake while remaining in my deficit. I’ve been lifting heavy for about two weeks now. I drink plentyyy of water.

When I look in the mirror I see I’m building muscle, but my huge gut is getting… bigger? Is this because I’m not doing cardio? I haven’t weighed myself in a while since I figured I’d be putting on some muscle, how could this be?

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How to best support my partner to lose weight

Over the pandemic my girlfriend & I gained quite a bit of weight 30lb for me, ~40-50 for her (idk I couldn't actually tell you what her weight is).

I have always been pretty good at dieting when I need to. I gained ~30-40 lbs after college when my metabolism & bad habits caught up with me & was able to drop it all over the course of a year or two by eliminating alcohol, counting calories, sleeping better, exercising etc. In my 30's and pandemic hits & with a lot of takeout, bad habits & decreased activity it came back. I knew what to do & have dropped approx. 20lbs so far over the last 10 months and on my back to being where I want to be. I used to run XC in high school, I know what its like to work out & while its not easy, I do appreciate & enjoy the soreness & burn of a good workout, I kind of like not feeling total satiety right after a meal if it means achieving a greater goal. I know what it takes and while it is difficult AF, I kind of enjoy the process. The reddit video How to Lose Weight in 4 Easy steps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mbp0DugfCA really resonated with me in the past. Its simple (not easy).

Things are different for my partner. She does not particular enjoy exercise, her job is more demanding than mine sometimes having to work 12hr days etc & her journey is not going very well for her. I want to be supportive of her, but I don't know how. She has told me in the past that "its different for her as a girl because she has hormones working against her, so its much harder for her than it is for me" (which I took a little offense to.. because I've put a shit ton of work into my weight loss journey, but I wouldn't say that to her).

We recently moved in together & we enjoy cooking so we've been trying to make healthier meals together.

We have a dog & I implemented taking the dog for a walk every night. I told her I was doing it "for the dog" but I also know its good for us & its a good regimented phone free zone which I feel is a good habit. Although at first she would only walk with the dog & I 4-5 out of the 7 nights per week, she's become a regular I think she's beginning to enjoy the walks too. I walk at a much faster pace than her.. in my mind I guess I'm just a runner & I'd like to get a little bonus HR bump if I can. She is not into picking up the pace so at risk of losing her coming with us altogether I've chosen to slow down to her pace, whatever it may be.

Before we moved in together my old apartment had a peloton & as a "something we could do together" activity instead of the endless zoom dates, we bought her a stationary bike with a peloton subscription. Since moving in I've been working out on it regularly, but she has not used it in months. I used to bike in the evenings when she was home.. but I saw the way she looked at me.. a sense of guilt while she just sat on the couch so I've since started making time in the AM or while she's at work. I'm not trying to make her feel guilty or become more self conscious than she already is.

I still have been limiting my alcohol & snacks for my own goals.. but this too can be a point of contention. She still enjoys a glass of wine or beer at night or when we're out & I don't like the guilty look she has when she pours herself one and asks if I want one & I say no & opt to make myself tea. Which is fine, but again, I'm not trying to be that implicit judgement zone.. but also I don't want my cheat day to be a random Tuesday night.

We went for a long bike ride with my friends a few weekends ago & while she was hesitant to come with because she wasn't sure she'd be able to do the whole thing, she didn't want to miss out & came with. To her credit she did it! But the next 3-4 days she was incredibly sore & I heard all about it. I gave her massages, I tried to be supportive, but also I don't know how to get someone else to enjoy that post workout burn if they just see it as pain.

I'm trying to be supportive & not pushy. Trying to do what I can to put her in a position to make healthier choices if she wants to. Trying to focus on long term healthy life goals not weight goals "There are so many bike trails near our house, it would be fun to have a goal to bike further on them one day" or whatever. But she really just doesn't seem super interested & I don't know what else I can do to promote interest. I feel its been taking a toll on our relationship. We've been having significantly less sex. I don't tell her.. but I am less physically attractive to her than I was a few years ago. I love her & love spending time with her, but also while I feel it is really superficial, I'm beginning to wonder if we are just not compatible.

I want to be healthy enough to keep biking when I'm old. I want to join a retiree pickleball league or run a 5k. I want to be able to go on vacations & while I don't want to climb mount Everest, I never want to be too out of shape to take my kids or grandkids to Disney or go hike or ski in Colorado.

She says she wants those things too. She has more recently been expressing self consciousness about her weight and her "flabb" as she calls it & how she hates looking in the mirror. She says she wants to be healthier, not end up with chronic health problems like her parents.. but I just don't understand how someone can say they have similar goals yet have what seems like apathy & excuses towards effort needed to work towards the goals. I don't know how to be more supportive than I already am without being judgmental. I'm not ready to give up, but I'm also not sure if someone's mind can be changed if they're just not into it.

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I feel like I am 2 different people! How do I break the awful cycle of 'starting again' tomorrow?

F27 5'6 180 lbs

I am feeling rather upset with myself at the moment, so I thought I would journal out some of my issues here in the hope that someone will have some tough advice or encouragement. I have been a lurker on this subreddit for a long time, but I have made a new account today to try to start afresh on my weight loss and fitness journey.

I have realised recently that I have a real problem with emotional eating. I am going through quite a stressful period of my life as I am applying for med school and the process is really draining my energy. I constantly feel uncertain and anxious about my exams, references, and work experience. Whenever I feel like this, I turn to food. The weird thing is that it doesn't seem to matter if the emotion is positive or negative - I will always end up binge eating. When I finished my final exam last month, I bought 6 (!) bags of candy on the way home and ate them all as I drove. I felt very happy and relieved to have finished the exam, and I guess I wanted the comfort and reward of sugar. When I got home, I immediately opened a beer and ordered a takeaway. I can't drive by the store on my way home from work without popping in there to pick up an energy drink (albeit zero calories) and some snacks. I feel like I'm almost addicted to dopamine.

Another challenge in my life right now is that I am having to live with my parents while I complete the med school application. This is because I am working a very low paid job as a healthcare assistant (which I do really enjoy). I get along really well with my parents and I am very lucky to live in a comfortable house. Plus my dog is here so I can hang out with him whenever I want. I am planning to move out in early 2023. My mom insists that we eat together 'as a family.' And we all have to eat the same thing. Furthermore, she likes to be in charge of the shopping and pay for our food. I am extremely grateful to her for this, but it must be said that she tends to buy very unhealthy things. She gets annoyed with me if she catches me eating these unhealthy things though and tells me off as I'm 'supposed to be on a diet.' I know she is only trying to help me, but it tends to make me feel irritated and I just end up eating more to get my own back. This all feels very childish for someone who is 27 years old.

I know that a calorie deficit (CICO) is what's needed. I just get totally confused by all the different numbers. Like if I go for a 'sedentary' activity level (which, to be fair, is probably what I am at), then my calories only seem to come out at about 1400. This seems low, so I think maybe I can bump them up if I do loads of exercise. But then I know it's hard to sustain a high activity level when you're in a calorie deficit. Basically I just go round in circles like this, overthinking the whole thing.

I also find it very hard to stick to a deficit. On a Sunday evening, I will be in a positive, motivated mindset, and will have a plan for the week ahead. But then by Tuesday lunchtime, I'm at work, tired, and wanting the comfort of candy/junk food. By Friday night, I'm always on the beers and I just think 'I can start on Monday.' It's like I'm 2 different people. I really want to lose weight because I feel so under-confident about my body. I have spoken to a doctor about getting a breast reduction, and she told me that my breast size would probably go down a bit if I lost some weight. This was very motivating to me at the time, but now I've lost all willpower and focus. I eat like shit and I don't know how to get myself in check. I have spoken to my therapist about this problem and she's just said there's nothing wrong with being fat and I should learn to love my body whatever shape it's in. This feels kind of unhelpful for me at this point.

There's a lot here. Thank you for listening to me if you've got this far.

TL;DR - I feel like I am 2 different people: one who is motivated and wants to lose weight, and one who just wants to binge and comfort eat. How do I break out of this cycle?

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Calorie shock

So I’ve learned that the easiest way for me to start with my weight loss journey is by tackling the food I eat rather than physical activity. I feel like I have a hard time staying consistent with exercise and often burn myself out. Naturally I felt it’d be easier to change eating habits first.

I work a full time job and cooking my own meals requires planning and time that I don’t always have. I’ve began to keep track of the calories I consume on a daily basis that way I can still eat store bought food while working and also keep a low calorie diet of sorts.

But since I’ve started to pay more attention to nutrition labels, I notice things that seem so harmless are PACKED with calories and additives. It makes me think about all of the times I’ve gone to the dollar store and bought tons of snacks. It’s almost sickening how much crap is packed into processed/packaged foods.

Anyway this was just a rant, so thanks for reading if you did🫶

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Has anyone lost weight on a vegetarian or vegan diet?

So I know Keto and low carb works for me in terms of weight loss (if I really stick with it) and eating a lot of refined carbs (breads, pastas) always spikes my blood sugar, but I’m really honestly just grossed out by meat. Morally and taste wise.

To me, a diet of whole grains, rice, beans, veggies and fruits seems just so much healthier and more appealing to me (not to mention way less expensive)

Obviously calories are calories and junk food is junk food, but im genuinely curious if anyone actually had weight loss success going more plant based?

If so, what were your meals like?

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Getting rid of man boobs

Alright, so, I'm on the middle of my weight loss journey. The first real one, with a proper diet and proper training, and although my weight has not changed a lot (merely 10 pounds), the results are astonishing. I've been struggling with my body since puberty, because I always had "man boobs", though I've never been above a 25 BMI index, I've put myself in a ton of crash diets over the years trying to get rid of that, and never succeeded. This time, things look very promising, with a smaller calorie deficit and consistency, I'm seeing those man boobs melt away and eager to do a proper bulk to actually put some lean mass

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Why do people feel so comfortable talking about your body pre weight loss in a bad way just because you lost weight?

When has it become socially acceptable to come up to a person who lost weight and say "I mean, I didn't wanna say anything but you're much better looking after weight loss, you really needed to lose weight haha"?????????

My weight loss gives you no fucking right to say that I was ugly before. It's not going to make me feel good! Holy shit, I'm impressed at how people got basically no politeness from their parents!!!!!

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