Over the pandemic my girlfriend & I gained quite a bit of weight 30lb for me, ~40-50 for her (idk I couldn't actually tell you what her weight is).
I have always been pretty good at dieting when I need to. I gained ~30-40 lbs after college when my metabolism & bad habits caught up with me & was able to drop it all over the course of a year or two by eliminating alcohol, counting calories, sleeping better, exercising etc. In my 30's and pandemic hits & with a lot of takeout, bad habits & decreased activity it came back. I knew what to do & have dropped approx. 20lbs so far over the last 10 months and on my back to being where I want to be. I used to run XC in high school, I know what its like to work out & while its not easy, I do appreciate & enjoy the soreness & burn of a good workout, I kind of like not feeling total satiety right after a meal if it means achieving a greater goal. I know what it takes and while it is difficult AF, I kind of enjoy the process. The reddit video How to Lose Weight in 4 Easy steps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mbp0DugfCA really resonated with me in the past. Its simple (not easy).
Things are different for my partner. She does not particular enjoy exercise, her job is more demanding than mine sometimes having to work 12hr days etc & her journey is not going very well for her. I want to be supportive of her, but I don't know how. She has told me in the past that "its different for her as a girl because she has hormones working against her, so its much harder for her than it is for me" (which I took a little offense to.. because I've put a shit ton of work into my weight loss journey, but I wouldn't say that to her).
We recently moved in together & we enjoy cooking so we've been trying to make healthier meals together.
We have a dog & I implemented taking the dog for a walk every night. I told her I was doing it "for the dog" but I also know its good for us & its a good regimented phone free zone which I feel is a good habit. Although at first she would only walk with the dog & I 4-5 out of the 7 nights per week, she's become a regular I think she's beginning to enjoy the walks too. I walk at a much faster pace than her.. in my mind I guess I'm just a runner & I'd like to get a little bonus HR bump if I can. She is not into picking up the pace so at risk of losing her coming with us altogether I've chosen to slow down to her pace, whatever it may be.
Before we moved in together my old apartment had a peloton & as a "something we could do together" activity instead of the endless zoom dates, we bought her a stationary bike with a peloton subscription. Since moving in I've been working out on it regularly, but she has not used it in months. I used to bike in the evenings when she was home.. but I saw the way she looked at me.. a sense of guilt while she just sat on the couch so I've since started making time in the AM or while she's at work. I'm not trying to make her feel guilty or become more self conscious than she already is.
I still have been limiting my alcohol & snacks for my own goals.. but this too can be a point of contention. She still enjoys a glass of wine or beer at night or when we're out & I don't like the guilty look she has when she pours herself one and asks if I want one & I say no & opt to make myself tea. Which is fine, but again, I'm not trying to be that implicit judgement zone.. but also I don't want my cheat day to be a random Tuesday night.
We went for a long bike ride with my friends a few weekends ago & while she was hesitant to come with because she wasn't sure she'd be able to do the whole thing, she didn't want to miss out & came with. To her credit she did it! But the next 3-4 days she was incredibly sore & I heard all about it. I gave her massages, I tried to be supportive, but also I don't know how to get someone else to enjoy that post workout burn if they just see it as pain.
I'm trying to be supportive & not pushy. Trying to do what I can to put her in a position to make healthier choices if she wants to. Trying to focus on long term healthy life goals not weight goals "There are so many bike trails near our house, it would be fun to have a goal to bike further on them one day" or whatever. But she really just doesn't seem super interested & I don't know what else I can do to promote interest. I feel its been taking a toll on our relationship. We've been having significantly less sex. I don't tell her.. but I am less physically attractive to her than I was a few years ago. I love her & love spending time with her, but also while I feel it is really superficial, I'm beginning to wonder if we are just not compatible.
I want to be healthy enough to keep biking when I'm old. I want to join a retiree pickleball league or run a 5k. I want to be able to go on vacations & while I don't want to climb mount Everest, I never want to be too out of shape to take my kids or grandkids to Disney or go hike or ski in Colorado.
She says she wants those things too. She has more recently been expressing self consciousness about her weight and her "flabb" as she calls it & how she hates looking in the mirror. She says she wants to be healthier, not end up with chronic health problems like her parents.. but I just don't understand how someone can say they have similar goals yet have what seems like apathy & excuses towards effort needed to work towards the goals. I don't know how to be more supportive than I already am without being judgmental. I'm not ready to give up, but I'm also not sure if someone's mind can be changed if they're just not into it.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/o7Y6MmC
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