Hi LoseIt,
Long time lurker. Not sure what I hope to gain from this post, I guess just trying to see if maybe I can see that one line, or those words of wisdom that happen to serve as motivation to stick with this weight loss journey. I'm 32 year old male, 6 ft 3, 430lbs. I have sort of a fall from grace type of story where I used to be a strong and competitive athlete--- excelled at all the sports, hiked all the mountains, did 100 mile bike rides for fun etc. I used to be popular, get attention from women, and just enjoy life. I could go travel without worrying if I'd be kicked off the plane for not fitting in the seats, I could go to amusement parks, I could go out to restaurants without worrying about fitting in the booth or in the chairs, I could go to the zoo and not worry about standing too long, or getting tired. I could go to the movies and fit in the chair... the list goes on. Things started to go wrong when I went to college. I had all you can eat dorm food, and tore my ACL. That put me out of commission for a long time, and I gained a bunch of weight. The freshmen 15 was the Freshmen 50. Physical activity was such a big part of my life, when I suddenly couldn't do it, I legitimately got depressed. I didn't utilize my resources, I didn't understand the importance of mental health or try to get help. I spiraled more, got more depressed, ate more, gained more weight. I Graduated college at 360 lb. I then went on to graduate school where I put on another 60 lb. I've never been more miserable. In constant pain, and losing weight has always felt like such a losing battle. I now have bad ankle pain on an ankle that I had injured multiple times in the past, and I can hardly walk any significant distance. I try to ride the stationary bike, but literally my butt hurts so bad and my genitalia goes numb and it's pretty scary feeling. I know it sounds like I'm full of excuses, but it also feels like that's another trait that has developed with my out of control size and health. I tried many times to do things right, by tracking meals, exercising etc. I just fall off the wagon-- something happens to throw me off and I can't recover. I'll be running late one day and wont have time to pack a meal or make food and I'll grab some fast food or something quick and unhealthy. What's most bizarre is how much I know that I'm killing myself, shortening my life with every bite of bad food, every latte, and it doesn't seem to matter. Why can I not have the will power to do things right? It's like I'm totally powerless in certain situations... Man it' is madness. Anyway not sure what the point of this post is, but if anyone has any tips on how they found the motivation to care about themselves and stick with something, I'd love to hear them.
Thanks!
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