2 years ago I was 50lbs heavier than I am now. At the time I wore 3xl size clothes. I'm a 5'5 mid-30s woman, and my figure is very curvy hourglass, which has always impacted the clothing sizes I bought. For example my chest and my hips would fit a 3xl, but technically the narrow part of my waist could fit into a 2xl. I have a large chest, wide hips, and a big bubble butt. I had initially lost 40lbs - from a 3xl to a 2xl, but then gained 30lbs back. In May of this year (2022) I started losing weight and have lost 40lbs. For anyone who doesn't know, plus size clothing is WEIRD. After XL, the next size up can either be a 0xl, 1xl or 2xl, depending on the brand. Because of this it can be really confusing to know which size to buy, then add body dysmorphia into the mix and it's a nightmare. I'm still amazed every single day that I'm wearing an XL in most clothes. All of my underwear were too big on me and it was time for me to get new ones. I was wearing XL sweatpants, but I WOULD NOT allow myself to get the XL underwear. I insisted that they would be too tight and then I would be uncomfortable. I get home and try on the 2xl underwear I got and they almost go up to my bra 🤣 I was laughing so hard. It's so freaking weird to know that I have lost weight, my clothes fit different, I look different, but I still see myself as soooo big and it won't allow me to fully embrace my weight loss. I'm so excited to pay less for clothes because they're not plus size. But I just. Can't. Accept it. I was sitting on my bed in my new, too big underwear, and all I could do was look at myself as this huge whale. Then I reminded myself that I used to be a lot bigger and my brain could not comprehend that what I was looking at was an improvement from then. It's so weird!!! Simultaneously, my husband has lost a lot of weight over the years and he has body dysmorphia too, especially when it comes to his chest and the small stomach he has left with loose skin. It's weird as hell to experience it, then see it from the outside, reassuring someone that they're fine, then looking back at myself knowing I should be telling myself the same thing. What's interesting is I think I've had body dysmorphia when I was bigger, but like... opposite if that makes sense? I would picture myself in my mind as being curvy and sexy with a flatter stomach and no lumps and bumps or anything else.... then I would see a mirror or picture and realize I looked soooo bad compared to how I see myself. I also have gone through issues with other parts of my body, and my face, but the weight loss thing most prevalent atm. I've bought clothes that are too big on me a few times since losing weight. I just don't know how to convince myself otherwise. Also I'm very, very anxious when I'm in a store, so trying things on is usually out if the question for me... but it probably would help a lot of my problems.
Idk where I'm really going with this, and I know it's a bit rambly and I circle back on myself a lot. I just got out of a therapy session and my mind was buzzing about this, so I figured I'd get it out and see if anyone else can relate
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/qWL5mRl
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