So I am 5'3 and at my starting weight I was around 205lbs. I have gotten down to 125lbs and not only is this impossible to maintain because I'm hungry all the time (please don't suggest keto, not only am I vegetarian but that sounds so fucking miserable not to mention expensive) but I am just so miserable about everything related to the weight loss.
I originally lost weight for some chronic pain issues I was having and they also haven't improved all that much.
I was hoping when I lost weight I would feel great in myself and would adjust to smaller food portions but it just hasn't happened. I was expecting to shed the fat and see someone pretty staring back at me.
In reality I actually hate the look of my body when I was mostly neutral about it before. When I was fat I was just kind of round and buxom. I have never liked my big boobs but they sort of blended in with my fatness before now and they were firm. I am still wearing a H cup bra but the band size has decreased. My boobs are extremely saggy and wrinkly and impossible to hide. My shoulders look really big when before they were balanced out by my fat belly and I have a big nose and forehead that I didn't notice before. My feet and toes also look much longer. I still have a squidgy belly and I have loose skin on it now. My legs look thin but not the cute thigh gap Tumblr 2014 kind of thin. I have almost no waist. My teeth, which are not straight to begin with and gums look huge when I open my mouth or smile when I didn't notice this before. My features are no longer obscured by my fatness and I'm not even close to being pretty. I seriously just look like a skinny gummy toothy toad with big boobs and hair and a dress, that's precisely how I look. I'm not imagining anything. The weight has shed to reveal a truly ugly woman when before I just looked fat.
I am finding it impossible to dress my new body. Everything either emphasizes my awkward shape or drowns me. I hate wearing a bra that is too supportive. I don't like bras with underwire and I like the band not to squeeze my ribs. The bras I can stand to wear don't give me enough 'support' not to look saggy anymore. I like shopping, it was a hobby before. Now I can look at clothes and find nothing I like.
I find myself still liking fat girl style clothes but when I wear them they don't look intentional anymore and I'm now very petite so they just drown me. If I wear petite style clothes I just look lumpy and they show my awkward shape. Nothing flatters my body because like I said, I look more like a toad than a human woman.
I'm going to gain the weight back as I am just really unhappy. I have been hit on more but only by the most disgusting and much older men. Not by men of any quality. When I was fat I never had any more or any less trouble dating, in fact now it's even harder. Before there were even men who liked me for my fatness. Now there is nothing to like, nothing to fetishize. I'm just a thin woman with no appealing or attractive features.
I get no joy out of sports and exercise. I don't get that rush everyone talks about. All the activities I enjoy are sedentary.
I miss getting up in the middle of the night to eat chocolate granola. I miss waking up to two cans of monster energy in the morning. I do not like coffee and diet drinks make me very hungry for some reason and taste too sweet. I miss eating a big bowl of spaghetti olio covered in cheese. I miss sitting in front of 90 day fiance with a whole pack of cookies to myself.
I get that this is probably unhealthy, but 80 years miserable is worse than 60 years of content. I don't want to live another day like this, let alone into old age.
Today and yesterday I have given up my weight loss and have been eating all my comfort foods. I still have all my fat clothes and I'll be happy to wear them again.
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