I have always been big, I got bullied a lot throughout my childhood and heard some really awful comments from adults that have scarred me. I started disordered eating at 12 and was praised by all the adults around me from my weight loss (didn’t last long as I gained it all back and more after moving to the US). I have always been very insecure and was finally able to get a consistent workout routine and diet. I am currently at my lowest weight since I was 12. I am still a few pounds overweight but I look considerably better since I started this journey 2 years ago. I get so many compliments, even from strangers at the gym, but I can never truly believe them. I feel the most insecure I’ve ever been, I literally get panic attacks and start crying at the gym just looking at my body. I tried therapy but it didn’t really help, my last therapist told me that I “wasn’t even fat so stop obsessing over that”. Last week I tried the last pair of pants I bought, they were a size 6, which was super tight since I had been stuck on a size 8. When I tried my pants they looked huge. The problem is that I cannot see it. I feel so big and huge, every time I look at the mirror. I feel like I am going crazy and I am so sad that I cannot enjoy my hard work. I eat a very bland, strict diet, weight lift 2 hours a day 6x a week and do spin and yoga classes as well. I am exhausted and terrified that I will never look the way I want. I just needed to vent and see if I’m the only one struggling with this
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/rE8sU9n
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