I've been on this particular weight loss journey since the beginning of the year. I've been going to the gym regularly (2 days on, then 1 day off), and officially started CICO 71 days ago, using myfitnesspal.
Like many of us, this is not my first run at trying to get to a healthy weight. At my maximum I weighed 330, maybe more. I never stepped on the scale again until I knew I weighed less. Last year I worked at a fast food place and hustled my way down to 275 I felt better than I ever had before.
Eventually though, things went down hill around July of 2018 when I started a new job. I had two weeks of mandatory training about an hour and a half away from where I lived before I could start working closer to home. I trained in a mall and the food court ended up being the easiest option for my lunches as the company paid for my meals. I got into the habit of eating chick-fil-a, pizza or Chinese every day. I was so tired from driving 3 hours a day and got terrible stress headaches from training. I ended up just forgoing the gym because I simply didn't have the time or energy.
Unfortunately I carried over these bad habits to the home location I work at now and continued eating fast food (twice a day now) and didn't go back to the gym or exercise at all until December. I got into a rut. I knew what I was doing but it was like my brain turned off everything I was so passionate about before.
I gained a lot of weight in the next 4 or 5 months. I was disgusted, defeated and ultimately upset with myself. I wasted all that time and effort all because of a stupid life change I didn't want to adapt to. I was sick of looking at myself. My belly poked out under my work shirts because I ordered sizes I could fit when I started the new job. I decided it was time to try again.
January of this year rolled around and I was in the full swing of everyday exercise again. That's the easy part. I love exercise because it makes sense. You do it and immediately feel better afterwards. Food is the tricky part. There's no immediate benefit of it. You have to wait to feel that and there's no direct relation so I always felt like it would never work. Even back when I got down to 275, I ate like shit. I just exercised to compensate.
This time I made changes though. I realized food was the thing that would solve the puzzle. I've been logging calories religiously. No cheating, no excuses and full accountability. Most days are below my calorie threshold for my specific weight loss goals. Some days I go over but I've never gone over the calories needed to maintain my weight. Wholesome foods. Protein heavy too. I've completely cut out fast food and have stopped going out to eat (besides very special occasions). I feel better than I did last year. I've been doing a strict exercise schedule of cardio and strength training. I'm in better overall physical shape. Exercise is easier than it's ever been in my life.
Unfortunately I made a big mistake and didn't step on the scale to record my starting weight. I thought i knew how big I was. I thought I had a general idea of how much I weighed and just told myself I'd weigh myself when it was really noticeable. I thought that day came this morning and decided to step on the scale. Lo and behold that scale read 299. I had been hustling harder and doing the right things for the last few months which means I must have weighed so much more than I thought I did when I started.
All the disappointment and disgust I felt at the end of last year came rushing back. Now my goal seems so much further away than I thought it was. I wish I would have just stepped on that scale to begin with but I didn't want to feel accountable. I didn't want to feel more shame. I didn't want to cement that number and make my situation a reality. Now I'm paying the consequences of it.
Do yourself a favor if you're about to start your own journey: weigh yourself. If you've already started and made the same mistake I did: weigh yourself. It will hurt more later than it does today. I promise that.
Here's to the long road ahead. I feel better now than I did this morning because I realize that this journey of getting healthy is going to pale in comparison to the journey of staying healthy. I realize that if you are smart, you stay on that journey forever.
Stay healthy. Thanks for reading.
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