Well, I feel strange writing this. A little excited.
At 256 lbs, being 5"5.5, having a failed relationship and losing my job I felt that I had nothing to work towards and nothing to lose.
I was already depressed so I didn't feel I became 'more depressed' just more hopeless if that makes any sense.
I always wanted to lose weight, but it never happened for me, and I WANT TO SAY that I tried everything in the book, and truth be told I did though I was never consistent, or put forth more than 3 days effort at any given time. That was a huge reflective shock for me.
Accepting that I have no discipline and consistency I gave up on weight loss.
Several months back I was having medical issues with fluid retention in my feet and ankles. I went to the doctor, everything was inconclusive. (To this day I still have some symptoms)
Went back later as the pain was going through my leg, nothing wrong they said. Then my knees starting hurting severely (they still hurt today) and I never visited a doctor for that. No Doctor ever told me to lose weight, or checked my blood pressure.
I did some self research and it said that these symptoms and issues could be because of my weight. The doctors never said anything to me, so it couldn't be. It was okay though, I gave up on weight loss. I googled remedies for the pain and I told myself I would make small changes to help my symptoms.
Still kind of failed at that.
I never said no to things that were bad for me, I never stopped eating until I was full, and I never stopped eating at whatever hours I was hungry.
I had a lot of goals for new years, but I figured I may as well start early to get myself into the swing of things. Though I was a lot more lax.
Fast Forward To Today
Today, feeling upset with myself, another long night staying up late watching videos on charisma, femininity, educate and whatever else I wanted to 'hone my skills' in to make myself an overall appealing/better/successful person (by my standards of course) I knew that I would never be complete unless I lost this weight. Being 5"5.5 and 256LBS, I knew I wanted to weight 135-145 lbs, or be a size 6-8.
So I got up, weighed myself to reconfirm my starting weight and... I weight 230lbs on the mark.
I was confused, how could I have lost weight? I looked at myself, saw virtually no changes. Discouraged, I got dressed, and noticed something now that I was paying attention.
My pants didn't hug me skin tight, and my jacket had some give. Odd.
I didn't understand how I lost 26 lbs WITHOUT TRYING, then I reflected on my changes in the past 6 months. (Please note that these changes only happened in the past 6 months, and I have only been consistent with them over a month and a half, though everything I described prior (job loss, breakup) happened over the course of a year and 1/2. I last weighed myself at 256 in July 2019)
- I ate when I was hungry, and ate until I was content but never BLOATED or SUPER FULL, or gut blowing. (I did this because I was having stomach pains and acid reflux, as well as other digestive issues, my logic was to eat in smaller amounts at a time to relieve pressure on my system, this totally has been working for those who may be curious.)
- I ate in 1s instead of 2s or 3s. (I did this so I could enjoy the treat/snack later if I wanted to, save money)
- I didn't restrict, if I wanted something I ate it. (I did this because I have a huge sweet tooth, and I didn't want to deny myself of my favourite things.)
- I made meals I enjoy. It was easy to make healthy meals and to stick to it when I enjoyed it. (I did this because I was watching a lot of good cooking on youtube that I wanted to try, mostly about soups and what not)
- I ate out and ordered in less. (I did this to save money)
- If I ate out, I made sure I REALLY WANTED IT. Maybe a healthy option, or if I wanted a burger, I made sure it was something delicious and gourmet, not a cheap burger. (I did this to get my moneys worth)
- I walked, nearly every day. If not 10 minutes, then 20, then 30. Usually 2000-3000 steps a day. *Past 2 weeks about 6000 steps* & Gradually more and more (Up to 9000). (I have a dog, usually I would just let her run through the backyard. I walked her to socialise her more)
- I drank water and tea. Usually any time I was 'hungry' I would eat, having very little water (never had an issue with juices or sodas), sometimes no fluids at all in a day (even fainted sometimes) now I always reach for water or tea first. Since getting a water filter I just always drink water, and I have a tea with every meal.
(I did this to help with my severely dry skin, body pains. and digestion.)
- I ate smaller portions. I ate on a smaller plate. (I did this because my brother hoarded dishes in his room. also to aid my digestion)
- I said Yes more. When I was invited out, or to go places, or help, or do something I said yes (I did this to help my depression and anxiety)
- I got ready every day, even if I had no where to go. (This made it easier to say YES! To take care of my hygiene and skin. WHICH IS VERY HARD TO DO BECAUSE OF DEPRESSION Also, apart of my educate learning)
- I didn't eat late. (Basically by the time 1:00AM came around, where before I would eat, I just didn't. I just sipped tea and water. )
- I cleaned when cleaning needed to be done. (A lady is never lazy, and never dirty. I learned that through my educate research, so it was a step for that direction)
- Added more fruits and veggies (Did this solely to help with body pains,swelling, skin and hair care)
My new years resolution(s)? To finish at least 2 songs and upload them before the years end, and to practice learning a language every day. To have better skin, hair, and to gain confidence socially. To walk my dog and play with her every day. To save money, and better my skills. I even made a map to outline how I would incorporate a little of each goal into my every day life.
Every year since I was 14 my new years resolution has been to lose weight. I didn't want that toxic cycle to continue for myself this year, but I woke up today wanting to make it my main focus.
I don't think I will though.
Cause you see,
Now it's coming off... but it's just collateral.
TLDR; Set goals for myself not related to weight loss, and weight has become coming off slowly, though unintentionally.
5"5.5 256 lbs start currently 230lbs
