Seeking thoughts, experience, anecdotes, and advice: Dating after/mid-weight loss

Over the course of the last year and half I lost roughly 100 pounds — taking me (female, 21, 5’6”) from 285 to a little over 185. (I am still losing weight — I’d like to lose roughly ~35 more pounds — but I feel like I’m in a way, way better place than I was 18 months ago.) This transformation, while undoubtedly positive, has left me with some saggy-ness likely atypical for someone my age and a generally confused self image. My numbers tell me I’m probably still kinda fat-looking, but I do think I’m more muscular than most people my weight because clothes I wore at this weight in high school are too loose/fit different now (after body weight training thru weight loss) and when people guess my weight they always go way low. Since it’s quarantine it’s all dating apps and I don’t want to post the least flattering photos I can find, but if I post a photo I think I look cute in, I’m plagued with self-doubt about being a “catfish” and when I match with people I actually find attractive or slim people, I think “Oh no, my photos must be misleading” and then don’t want to respond to them. It’s made worse by quarantine because I can’t ask anyone to take photos of me without coming off as a narcissist since I’m not going anywhere cool, but I’m also worried about selfies and mirror selfies. I try to take them from a normal height and angle, to avoid the slimming affect but? My phone camera isn’t good enough for self-timer—somehow it always makes my face look blurry and I stand hella awkwardly without a photographer/myself to direct me. And then even if my photos are accurate to my size, I’m worried about my body/skin not looking like what someone would expect of a 21 year old. But I don’t want to lead with my ugly either you know? I feel like the beginning of a relationship should be about getting to know and appreciate each other, not me vomiting out all of my anxieties and insecurities, you know? But I also like to take it slow, and I don’t want to string someone along all the while if with full information, they would not be interested.

I don’t know my exact question. I guess how did you navigate this? How did you balance being as upfront as possible while still putting your best foot forward like everybody else? How do you even know what you look like, when photos/the mirror can be misleading? How do you deal with a shifting self image and dating in general?

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Does it get easier?

I've been logging my food and exercise for not quite three weeks now, and it's going alright. I've lost weight before and dabbled in counting calories, but I've always stopped before getting to my goal weight or being truly satisfied with my body. My lowest adult weight has been a few, maybe 10, lbs below the line delineating "normal" and "overweight" BMI.

This time I'm confident that I have the necessary discipline to continue logging and limiting caloric intake until I see the kind of progress I want. I just wonder: does it get easier? I'm certainly not starved, and I don't feel woozy or malnourished. I'm just always hungry. Even after a meal, I always feel like I'm not quite full and would love to eat just a bit more. I'm telling myself that this feeling is how I know that my actions are working and that I'm doing a good job, and it's not terribly overwhelming. But it gets overwhelming when I consider the possibility that being slimmer may mean feeling like this for the rest of my life, as long as I'm adhering to the weight loss. Is maintenance easier than the weight loss part? How long does it take for your body to adjust to eating less? Food is delicious and I've used it as a coping mechanism in the past, and the idea of feeling deprived indefinitely is difficult to think about.

Thank you for reading, I could use a bit of support right now.

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I lost 35 lbs. since the start of the year

Yesterday I weighed myself and I weighed 191 lbs. I started the year at 226 lbs. I'm happy but I haven't told anyone IRL about my weight loss. My clothes are definitely fitting more loosely now (except in the calf area of my jeans because running is making my calves bigger). I've been following a mostly plant based diet (I'm a vegetarian and do have some animal based products like cream for my coffee) and I run at least 3-4 miles three times a week. I drastically cut back on fast food and ordering out partly because it's not healthy, I need to save money and vegetarian options, while better, still aren't the greatest at restaurants. I'm learning some great vegetarian meals like three bean chili and tofu chili. This journey has been amazing and I can't wait to see what comes next.

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Why I don't completely regret gaining back 20 lbs of the 30 lbs I lost

IMPORTANT: I DO NOT ADVOCATE GAINING BACK WEIGHT YOU HAVE ALREADY LOST

Hey everyone! So for some background I am an 18 year old male. I am 6 foot 3 inches and I currently weigh just under 260 lbs and when I started my weight loss journey back in March I was 273 lbs. I lost around 30 lbs before I started struggling mentally and gave up on eating better for a month or so. Yep, a month is all it took to gain 2/3 of the weight back that I spent multiple months losing.

See, I would normally be distraught over this, but this gaining back of weight has taught me a lot. I am someone who believe everything happens for a reason, and I feel like this is no different. I started this journey after my high school shut down because of COVID (I have since graduated and now attend my dream college). I had just started losing weight because there was nothing fun to eat around the house and I couldn't go out and get food. Over the course of losing weight I never really noticed a difference in how I felt. I thought I had more energy and felt lighter but I wasn't sure.

Gaining back this weight has illustrated I was 100% right. I felt SO much lighter and had WAY more energy. I was never really tired, I felt great, I was more responsible and overall happier. Currently, I feel like garbage physically and I really don't enjoy it. So, some words of warning for those of you on the right path now: If you start slacking, you will regret it, and you will feel 100x worse than you do now, I promise. Keep going, you got this.

In addition to this, I kind of had a breakthrough moment. Even though I am 13 or so pounds lighter than I was, I realized I am fat. People always say "no, you're not fat, your just chubby" or "you're just big-boned!" I now absolutely hate when people say that. I am fat, and I own that now. I am more self-conscious, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you have a reason to be self-conscious (like being fat and unhealthy), you should probably be self-conscious for your own good. This was kind of an unexpected discovery for me but I am glad I discovered it.

Lastly, I found out: WEIGHT LOSS IS POSSIBLE! I thought it would be so hard to lose weight, but through CICO I had very little difficulty. I found I enjoyed it a lot and I am happy to be back on the right path.

So, where am I now? I am a fat college student with more motivation than ever to improve. I now know it is possible and that it really isn't as hard as everyone makes it out to be. I also realized how much weight I want to lose and now I am the one pushing for weight loss, it isn't just happening because of quarantine. Lastly, I am working on building muscle while losing weight, and so far it has been a lot of fun.

KEEP AT IT PEOPLE! THE TEMPORARY TASTE OF UNHEALTHY FOOD IS NOT WORTH THE GRIND TO LOSE THE SAME WEIGHT ALL OVER AGAIN! YOU GOT THIS! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

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App to track emotional /compulsive eating? (Plus pro WL tips offered)

First time posting here after a lot of lurking, any advice appreciated!

I am on my weight loss journey having finally started losing after years not knowing how. I worked out that CICO is the way, and I use Fasting to help.

The problem is, yeah CICO is simple, but it’s not easy. Sometimes I emotionally or compulsively eat, not quite the full BED but still a strong emotional compulsive response which id like to learn to control so I can stay within my calories.

As well as tracking calories I decided to non judgementally write down when I was over (which is at least a couple of times a week, Sometimes over 1000kcal) but also why - I had a load of reasons sometimes stress, sometimes underprepared, sometimes “self soothing.”

I started to see patterns and separate myself from my compulsive thoughts.

Then my therapist suggested tracking not when I gave into the compulsion, but when I had the compulsion and successfully worked through it thereby reinforcing and rewarding positive behaviour. This was a breakthrough for me. Already I am starting to see mind patterns which I can see are there but as yet not managed to conquer.

Having an app being able to log the thoughts and “check off” a successful day and maybe even categorise the different triggers would really help me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

TL;DR - I’m looking for an app to track and work through emotional eating triggers and would like to check off successful days and write down the triggers

Cross posting to r/Decidingtobebetter

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Environment is EVERYTHING.

I've been trying to lose weight for 10+ years: always falling off the wagon, getting back on, and learning more and more. Exhausting? Yes - but I'll get there! And this time, I've learned the most important lesson for me.

Y'all. Your environment is so, so important to weight loss.

Before the pandemic started, my environment wasn't ideal because I wasn't paying attention or taking care of it. We had junk food in the house. Our housemate didn't eat healthily, and I allowed her bad habits to influence me. I told myself it was too hot, too cold, or too wet to exercise. We had a gym, but I made excuses. I thought "it's not the right time, I need things to be right". Put simply: I didn't lose weight in The Better Times, because I was waiting for perfect conditions.

And then things got so much worse.

Covid shut the gyms. We got takeaway delivered almost every night during lockdown. Depression, anxiety and sadness set in. Good things happened too - I started walking every day when we were allowed one exercise a day. We couldn't go to the shops to snack so much. I started thinking, "maybe I can be one of those people who loses weight during quarantine!"

...Then things turned really bad.

Basically, my mum moved in with us. I had to rescue her from a horrible situation, and she's a very negative person. Since she's been staying I've realised some horrible things about my childhood I can't process properly while she's still here. The woman is a black hole of negative energy. I feel like crying whenever I'm in the same room as her. We're working on getting her in a better living situation as soon as possible - but until then, I feel trapped. My mental health is in a dire state.

And you know what? Weight loss can wait. I did the bingeing thing... it makes me feel worse. So I won't be intentionally seeking out junk food.

But if I want a pizza? I'll get a small one. Extra cheese.

If I need to get out of the house? I'll take a big walk - I won't try and run, and risk breaking down crying because I can't meet the standards of where I "think" I "should" be by now.

Life's thrown us a curveball to the side of the face. And I'm seeing the evidence everywhere - it seems like either people have thrived over quarantine, getting into bodyweight fitness and ridding themselves of junk food without the pressure of eating while socialising. Their environment has improved for weight loss. Others have put on weight, or barely maintained, because their environment has worsened for weight loss.

This is me. And if this is you, it's okay.

It's never too late. It's genuinely okay to take a break, because the world is exploding. Even if you've been way too lazy during The Good Times.

It feels like I've been evicted from a large, lovely house I took for granted and allowed to fall into ruin, and now I feel what I lost. I'm living in a broom cupboard, and regrouping. Re-learning what I need to do to keep my environment clean, build good habits, and thrive on the other side.

Just a thought. I hope it helps.

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The benefit​ of setting monthly goals vs week

I used to break it down by week because many of the weight loss apps ask that when recommending daily calorie intact. This may not be for everyone but I've found my motivation has been higher now that I've mentally shifted to monthly goals. I've found that sometimes the number doesn't go down after repeat days of healthy eating and exercise, which is frustrating. Then I hop on the scale and I've down 3 lbs. When the opposite happens and I gain instead of lose weight I don't feel as discouraged because I know I'm still able to meet my monthly goal. This has also helped light a fire under me to start every month with renewed enthusiasm. Mini version of the New Years resolution.

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