Over the course of the last year and half I lost roughly 100 pounds — taking me (female, 21, 5’6”) from 285 to a little over 185. (I am still losing weight — I’d like to lose roughly ~35 more pounds — but I feel like I’m in a way, way better place than I was 18 months ago.) This transformation, while undoubtedly positive, has left me with some saggy-ness likely atypical for someone my age and a generally confused self image. My numbers tell me I’m probably still kinda fat-looking, but I do think I’m more muscular than most people my weight because clothes I wore at this weight in high school are too loose/fit different now (after body weight training thru weight loss) and when people guess my weight they always go way low. Since it’s quarantine it’s all dating apps and I don’t want to post the least flattering photos I can find, but if I post a photo I think I look cute in, I’m plagued with self-doubt about being a “catfish” and when I match with people I actually find attractive or slim people, I think “Oh no, my photos must be misleading” and then don’t want to respond to them. It’s made worse by quarantine because I can’t ask anyone to take photos of me without coming off as a narcissist since I’m not going anywhere cool, but I’m also worried about selfies and mirror selfies. I try to take them from a normal height and angle, to avoid the slimming affect but? My phone camera isn’t good enough for self-timer—somehow it always makes my face look blurry and I stand hella awkwardly without a photographer/myself to direct me. And then even if my photos are accurate to my size, I’m worried about my body/skin not looking like what someone would expect of a 21 year old. But I don’t want to lead with my ugly either you know? I feel like the beginning of a relationship should be about getting to know and appreciate each other, not me vomiting out all of my anxieties and insecurities, you know? But I also like to take it slow, and I don’t want to string someone along all the while if with full information, they would not be interested.
I don’t know my exact question. I guess how did you navigate this? How did you balance being as upfront as possible while still putting your best foot forward like everybody else? How do you even know what you look like, when photos/the mirror can be misleading? How do you deal with a shifting self image and dating in general?
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