I am 33 years old and after over a decade of absolutely horrible eating habits I decided to make a big change. It started in September of last year. Instead of starting some extreme rapid weight loss scheme like I’d done multiple times in the past, I followed the boring advice I’d heard most of my life and (skeptically) began implementing reasonable and realistic changes to my diet and daily physical activity that I felt I could sustain for a lifetime. To my surprise, it has been much more effective than any attempt to lose weight in my life. And I’ve had lots of attempts.
I step on the scale every Friday, and this past weigh-in, the scale read 246.5 lbs - still much too high for me, but nearly 100 down from where I started at 346. Even though I wasn’t technically all the way to the magic number, it felt like a huge milestone.
And yet, in this moment, I’m at home in my bed, feeling like utter garbage having just binged a shameful amount of food in a secluded parking lot in my car. This is something I used to do regularly and even typing anonymously on the internet, that still feels embarrassing to admit. Anyway, I can’t remember the last time I’ve done it before today, and I thought I had long moved past it. After feeling so empowered for an extended period of time by taking responsibility for my actions and taking control over my life and making real positive change to my health, I don’t really understand what came over me and why I could not (or would not) control myself.
I want to be clear - I’m not saying my journey this far has been perfect up until now . I have certainly had plenty of weak moments and fallen into slumps along the way - but this is the first time I have just completely lost control and binged a really shameful amount of food and it seemingly came out of nowhere. I am really trying not to be too self indulgent right now and throw myself a pity party, but I am also undeniably feeling myself fall into a bit of a shame spiral and am very fearful that I am ultimately not going to be able to control myself in the long run and am going to slowly return to my old eating habits - and perhaps they’ll be even worse than before.
I’m curious to hear from anyone who has thoughts or advice, and especially from this who have experienced something similar.
Thanks.
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