I really just need a place to vent right now. I want to be happy for myself and celebrate the progress, consistency and changes that have gotten my body to where it is now.
But I’M NOT.. instead I’m home, crying in bed, with a messy pile of clothes that no longer fit. It’s truly one of the strangest paradoxes I’ve experienced.
My brain is so confused. When I wake up in the morning I still feel like the size 18/20 person. I put on my size 14 jeans and feel like they’re not gonna fit, every single time. I’m swimming in my work shirts and people tell me I’m looking small, but looking in the mirror I can’t tell at all.
I tend to be a logical person, but I’m just having a hard time getting my brain to work with me on this. I did some research and learned about this type of body dysmorphia/phantom fat (I’m aware of this term as I’m queer, identify as non-binary and have dated trans folk) but I didn’t know it was something that typically occurred with weight loss. I can look back and measure my progress through the physical milestones I’ve made. I’m mainly worried for my mental health at this point. Through the pandemic I’ve honed in on working through traumas, but this came out of nowhere and hit me like a driver getting t-boned in an intersection.
I hope this feeling goes away soon and I can eventually feel proud of my success.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3dW8t2M
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