Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Excerpt from my weight loss journal (deleted original post for security reasons)

It’s honestly surreal. I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the reflection staring back. People call me tiny now. A coworker assumed I wore a small jacket the other day. My boyfriend can pick me up with ease and twirl me around, it’s like a fairy tale sometimes. It doesn’t seem real.

Sometimes when I meet new people as this thinner version of myself, I feel that people aren’t meeting the real me. They aren’t meeting the girl that was humbled by a society that desperately tried to shut her out, to shut her up.

I loved myself then and I love myself now. Simultaneously, I hate myself all the same. Weight loss is a trip. It isn’t always rewarding. It isn’t always rainbows. This is honest. This is real.

Body dysmorphia is not.

I’m not used to this new me. Sometimes I feel like I’m going through this weird identity crisis.

What do I wear? Men notice me now. People notice me now. Life is easier and far more forgiving in a smaller body. I will say this though, I deserved love always. I’m glad to finally be giving that love to myself, just somedays I wish others had done the same courtesy for the girl on the left. (Photo link of transformation below)

My physical being may have changed, but this soul of mine remains the same.

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