I'm in my second year of college. I've been trying to lose weight for years now. I make progress, then I'll lose my progress, and I never reach my goal.
Its not about the numbers for me. I just dont want to look fat anymore. I hate my body, to be frank. I want to be fit and capable and I hate feeling weak and slow.
My biggest barrier to weight loss is my binge eating. I don't binge as bad as I used to, but my stupid body has such a bad metabolism that I don't have to eat much to go over. My maintenance calories are so low; its only about 1400-1500. But its not like I feel hungry on my diet. Its just that I crave it emotionally. Its like a drug; it lets me feel better immediately. No other coping mechanism even comes close. I do have other mechanisms, but they dont help as much. And I've tried most of the alternatives.
I do workout. I do weight lifting. And its easy for me to gain muscle since I tend to overeat. But I can't lose fat.
The other thing is, I'm not active in my daily life. Even before quarantine, I've been a sedentary person because I have issues with chronic fatigue due to depression. I only have so much energy every day that I can expend. Once I use it up, its gone, or I borrow from the next day and enter a cycle where I'm always more tired than usual. I also have chronic shin splints and knee issues, so walking/ running, the best exercises to lose weight, are off the table.
Its not like I'm super fat. I'm a 5'4" female, 152 pounds. But I'm not skinny either. I just wish something would change. I want to have energy. I want to lose weight and not hate myself. I do the calorie counting and the working out and try as hard as I can but I just can't lose the weight. I'm so tired. Its so hard to eat less and handle the stress of college at the same time.
My diet is generally healthy, and I pre plan all my meals. But I tend to binge at night. Even if I binge healthy foods, it doesn't matter, I'll gain weight. I dont even have to eat that much cos my metabolism sucks. I'm either super strict or all the weight comes back and I hate it.
It just feels like all the barriers and odds are stacked against me and like this is impossible. Im just doomed to be fat and ugly forever, forever hating myself. My roommates dont understand either. I wanted to post here so I could talk to someone about it.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34tiPUH
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