So I’ve always yo-yo’ed with my weight since teenage years, honestly probably even before then. My mom started me on weight watchers when I was 14 per my dr’s recommendation. (she was so against this, but being plus-sized herself and a stress eater, she didn’t know how to help me. though she really, really did try!) I never really made much progress and was publicly always body confident while secretly wishing I could change my body.
I’ve started this journey a lot of times and after the first drop in weight I’d celebrate by breaking the diet and then never returning to it.
Like stated previously, I’ve always been publicly confident: wearing short shorts or whatever I feel like bc I’m a human and I usually don’t care what other people think.. I have had a lot of people say things to me about my weight, but one comment that lingers to this day is my (married to a body builder, eats only kale and twigs when she’s not doing juice cleanses or crash diets) aunt-in-law once told me, “it’s really cool how you’ve just accepted your body for what it is.” I have never wanted to hide my body in the most loose fitting potato sack more than that moment. I actually had to walk away and call my mom. As a 29 yo woman. I had to go call my mom.
Welcome to 2020, where I had a bit of a mental breakdown while quarantined in my home for 3+ months while my work was shut down. I focused on home projects and walking my dogs, and skipping meals so I wouldn’t have to go to the store and be exposed. I would have thought my coming nuptials would be motivation to be healthier, or my overdue annual physical where my obese dr chastised me for being obese and needing to lose weight. (seriously this lady was not nice about it, and it just seemed so abrasive coming from a woman bigger than me. especially because all my results came back hEaLtHy*) But what really got me started was when I lost 15lbs in barely a few weeks from not eating. After scaring myself, I began tracking my calories. Some days eating under 500 calories for the whole day. So I started tracking daily. Forcing meals. I could bare to lose the weight but I hated being complimented on my weight loss knowing it was from such an unhealthy mindset. I’m so awkward, any time I’d receive a compliment I would literally respond with, “yeah mental breakdowns during a pandemic help with weight loss!”
Anyway, I’ve always taken “progress photos” although looking back they all look the same. Because they’re all at the start of my “weight loss.” And today I looked back and compared to today’s photo and wow.
I am finally where I’ve always wanted to be. food to me is now just fuel no longer a coping mechanism. My new coping mechanism is running and walking, doing some at home workouts, and just challenging myself. As cheesy as it sounds I started this trying to be more mindful of how I am treating my body, it ultimately was more about the mind-body connection instead of actual weight-loss. I still got some mind-body connections to rewire but holy shit it’s blowing my mind how far I’ve come.
I still don’t love “you’ve lost weight!” compliments but damnit I have! And I didn’t even notice how noticeable is actually is!
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