TLDR: I lost weight over several years, then gained weight over several years, and I can't seem to lose weight again. If you have lost weight and kept it off for 3+ years, please share a little or just comment to say you did. I need to see that it's possible.
Here's my story for context. I appreciate any personal encouragement. Still, please don't feel obligated to read it before commenting. My goal with this post is to hear that success is possible.
I grew up fat and hit a peak weight of 240 when I was 15. I started losing weight from then on, and was about 175 when I graduated high school, and 140 by the time I graduated college. (I'm a 5'5" woman.)
Even though my weight loss happened gradually, it wasn't smooth. I did it via CICO and Weight Watchers, usually in "surges" of a few months, where I could lose about 10% of my weight. I didn't have much trouble keeping weight off during surges. I would usually follow a less strict version of the diet, track my food casually and in my mind, and try to limit high calorie foods to those I really enjoyed.
Once I graduated college, the trend reversed. I started to slowly gain weight. I was 160 by the time I finished grad school, 175 when I finished my internship.
I had a hard time adjusting to working in my field. Going on these diet surges was totally different under high stress and long hours. When I couldn't spend as much time planning meals and taking care of myself as I lost weight, my impulse control was shot. I couldn't seem to stay on a diet.
Then, in fall of 2019, I made a big shift in my career, to work in a less stressful (but still a little stressful) environment. In early 2020, things were actually going pretty well for me. I was on a diet at the time and felt cautiously optimistic. The way that I controlled my impulses was to promise myself that I could have whatever it was - but must you have it now, or can you wait until tomorrow to see if you really want it?
There was one particular food that I loved, a pasta dish in a packet, fairly low calorie, which I would eat a couple of times per week. I knew of just one place in the LA metro area where I could get it, so about once a month, I would take the ~hour-long drive and pick up a 10-pack. But of course, it was March 2020. I didn't find this food I liked. I barely found any food at all.
Because of the food shortages, these promises I made myself about delaying were false. I couldn't just have it later, because it might not be available later. Who knows when it would be available again?
The shortages also broke my habit of only eating less-healthy foods I found very palatable, which I had kept up since college. I had to take what I could get.
All of that and the stress of lockdown was too much for me, and I started eating. A lot. By the end of 2020 I was over 200 pounds, and even though the shortages were done, I apparently was not. I kept gaining weight, and I'm now about 220.
What's keeping me back is this feeling that I'm just going to gain it back. Whether that happens because the diet fails and I gain back immediately, or because I start another upward trend, I feel frozen, like giving up.
I have gone to therapy and discussed this, but I honestly haven't found it helpful. Either they can't understand at all ("Well, why don't you just exercise instead of thinking about food?"), or they want me to just accept the weight gain and eat intuitively. I'm still open to therapy, and I've found it helpful for other issues in my life. Just haven't had success in finding someone to help with this.
I haven't browsed here in some time, but I used to browse this sub in college, and it was so empowering. Look at all of these people who have lost weight! It really is possible! If they can do it, I can do it! I really need that again. Please comment if you have lost weight and kept it off for 3+ years. Any tips you have are also deeply appreciated. TIA
