For my 2016 New Year's resolution, I wanted to lose the 40-odd pounds I'd gained over the course of 2015 and then resume the weight loss journey I'd started back in 2014. Then in the middle of January (2016),I found out I was pregnant with my first child.
Long story for another sub short, pregnancy was very hard on me. I felt like I was starving all the time, and used the fact I felt terrible to justify eating whatever I wanted ("I'm going to get fat anyway, why bother worrying?" "I feel like crap, so I might as well eat what I want and feel good that way.") Going into my pregnancy I was already obese, so I was high risk for a bunch of complication that I amazingly managed to miss. No gestational diabetes, no blood pressure issues, I was mobile...so because I was only fat, I just kept on as I was. By the end of my pregnancy, I'd gained 65 pounds and was just under 290 pounds total. I hated catching sight of myself in the mirror, and I avoided photos because I didn't want to look back on the birth of my daughter and dwell on how fat I was. I tried to lose the weight postpartum, but a difficult newborn period and exhaustion made it very hard to overcome the urge to eat whatever I thought would make me feel better. It didn't help that I was a stress eater, or that we planned to try for another baby after a year. Whenever I had a setback, I'd just ask myself "why bother? You're just going to get pregnant again and gain a ton of weight and undo everything you accomplish anyway." In December 2017, I found out I was pregnant with my son, and I'd only lost 25 pounds from my previous pregnancy.
Pregnancy was hard again, but once again I managed to avoid pretty much all obesity-related complications. This time, though, I tried to be more mindful of what I ate and make somewhat smarter choices. It helped that this would be our last child, so I didn't have the thought of future pregnancy weight as a crutch to justify bad choices (and yes, I realize my current pregnancy both times should have helped motivate me more, but man...pregnancy is hard.). At the end of the pregnancy, I'd gained 50 pounds, and hit a new lifetime high: 289 pounds. But this time, I wanted to put that number far, far, far behind me.
With my husband, I made a plan for self-care and weight loss postpartum. Due to reasons, I wouldn't be breastfeeding my son so I wouldn't need to factor those calories into my days. We stocked the house with healthy snacks (Bananas, apples, berries; carrot and celery sticks, granola bars, almonds) which I pre-portioned into containers so there would always be something easy and close at hand when I was up with the baby. We resumed menu-planning and started making a conscious effort to balance heavier meals (like scalloped potatoes and ham) with lighter meals (bean and cauliflower curry!). I would always take a little time to exercise, whether it was walking the dog, walking with the kids, or just going up and down the stairs! And most of all, I wouldn't beat myself up over setbacks OR use them to justify further binging.
Today I stepped on the scale and I weighed 215.2 pounds. The day I found out I was pregnant with my first back in 2016, I weighed 218. I can't even begin to say how excited I am; I had a whoosh as well, so I made my husband weigh himself to make sure the scale wasn't messing with me!
How I did it: After my initial 40 pound water weight loss (THAT was a whoosh!) good old CICO! I logged into MFP the day after my son was born and entered my stats, cringing the whole time, but then I just started logging EVERYTHING. Every almond, every carrot stick, every ounce of meat. I brought out our food scale from the depths of the cupboard and used it to be sure I was putting in exactly 8 ounces of chicken, eating exactly one ounce of peanuts. It was eye-opening to see how small an ounce of X was, and that spurred me to start making different choices. A cup of broccoli and cauliflower is 35 calories, while a cup of basmati rice is 200; instead of doing all rice, I'd do half rice, half cauliflower. Instead of having a candy bar (220 calories), I'd eat a chocolate chip granola bar (100 calories). And if I indulged and went over? I'd log those too! I always have had the weird mentality of "if I don't log it, the calories don't count" which is ridiculous; logging everything has made me squirm a few times, but those numbers just remind me that I need to be more mindful. I haven't cut anything out of my diet, but I've definitely cut back on a lot.
I'm also trying to move more; I bought a FitBit, and I wear it all the time. My daily step goal is 5k (I used to average about 3k), and I reach it by running around with the kids, parking further back at the store, doing chores around my house...basic stay at home mom things. As my baby gets older, I plan to start doing more actual dedicated exercise, but for now we're just in survival mode!
I have a ways to go before hitting my ultimate goal of 155 pounds. I haven't been that low since I was a 5th grader, so I know it will be a massive challenge. But right now I'm trying to lay down the building blocks of good habits and I'm stoked to have hit my pre-kid goal; if I can be healthy and in good shape for my family, then I know I'll be a winner!
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