I’ll try to keep this simple. I started CICO about 1.5 years ago. I was 227, down from my highest at 238. I lost about 50 pounds pretty steadily, but haven’t made progress for almost a year now. I think it’s because I got back to the 180s, where I was for most of high school and college before gaining more.
On the plus side: I cook and eat nutritious meals, feel healthy, do moderate but enjoyable exercise, feel pretty good about myself as a person, and have a supportive partner who loves me as I am.
I afraid that I am a bit complacent because of these factors and don’t make as strict of an effort with weight loss anymore.
On the downside: I’ve been overweight and obese my whole life. I have a family history of diabetes and heart disease (though I’ve shown no signs of any health problems). My confidence is affected by never having been conventionally attractive. I still don’t have a solid relationship with food and impulsively eat, though I wouldn’t call it binge eating per the more diagnostic criteria.
I’m just sort of hovering in this range, regaining and losing the same 10 pounds, and I want to understand the psychological aspect better.
So, -For my long-term day people: how did you change your vision of yourself to be as a smaller person? I have no concept of myself as normal sized, let alone thin. How do you keep going?
-Like many people, I’ve dealt with sexual assault and harassment and still sort of identity being “hot” with being a risk factor. (But fat people get assaulted too, unfortunately, and this isn’t a logical correlation.)
-When I cook 100% of my food, I can eat 1200 calories, feel satiated, and meet my nutritional goals. However, when I leave home I crave sweets, or have trouble with tracking and portions if another person cooks for me. So, if I mostly eat healthy but don’t cut out sweets or food not cooked by me completely, I feel like I’m in a loop of maintaining this weight range. I feel hesitant to make a hard rule like ‘no sugar ever’, or ‘I must cook 100% of my food.’ I don’t want my relationship with food to get too restrictive, or to feel like a failure if I break the rule. (I know Keto can help with sugar cravings, but my diet is largely veggies. I don’t want to restrict nutritious, local veggies so I’m reticent to try it.)
Considerations: the only time I’ve gotten under 180 was by living off the grid, cooking everything over a fire and fasting a lot. I can’t recreate these circumstances, and I didn’t maintain that weigh loss. I’ve never been treated for mental health, but a couple of members of my family have depression. Due to living abroad, language barriers, health insurance, and location I’m not able to access counseling or therapy.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any experiences to share, or suggestions, I’d appreciate reading them.
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