i'll try not to ramble too much, but here's the deal...
i started losing weight in february of this year at my starting weight and hit my current weight around august. since august, i've been on and off counting depending on the week. i was felt mentally drained from counting so hardcore over the past months and i wanted a break. this past month, i haven't been logging because i just couldn't bear to do it.
i've been overweight my entire life and my relationship with food is pretty messed up so, i know i shouldn't just be not logging. i eat it for sadness, happiness, and just because. it's easy for me to get in the mindset of, "oh i already ate this today, today is ruined! might as well have this, this, and this." i am really working on it, but since this has been a lifelong affair, it's going to take a lot of time to mend it. not to mention, it's hard for me to take notice of my weight loss as it is. i've lost just about 40lbs which is huge on my 5'2" body, but i often still feel i look over 200.
i'm trying to get back in the habit of logging, but i have been getting back into weighing everything out and logging. these more relaxed months i've managed to eat a maintenance. the past month though, my mom has been making comments that are really making me discouraged. she says things like, "how much have you gained back?" "are you gaining?" "i don't want you to gain back", sometimes while feeling my side. she'll give looks of disapproval when i am eating or say that i am hungry. i've gained maybe 3lbs (some of which is water weight from thanksgiving), but i feel like i've gained back everything.
i love my mom, i really do, but she doesn't understand. she's never been overweight and does not struggle with any food related issues. she has helped me and i do appreciate it, but i am an adult and this is my decision. i try to explain to her it's more than just not eating and there's so many mental aspects. her comments are really fucking me up though, even if they come from a place of genuine concern. i don't know how else to say it to her. i don't need her to police my eating or to make me feel guilty when i am having a day of maintenance. plus, even when i am counting i can have something that's "bad" just a portioned out version.
am i being too sensitive or are my feelings justified? is there a different way i can explain to her what she says really messes with my mental state when it comes to weight loss / eating?
thank you for reading!
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