Im just venting a bit, don't mind me 🥺
So, pretty basic story. Been fat all my life. Since the moment I was born there was no second I wasnt reminded how fat I was. I was 9 or 10 yo and people would coment on my weight like it was their daily tea. Especially family members. They would talk about it in such manners that at 11 yo I already developed body dismorphya and anxiety. I was no longer able to go outside without feeling bad. I wished I could go play and have fun, maybe do some swimming lessons because I love water. But there was one problem. My body. So I've been lonely for most of my life, rotting in my room ,missing on teenage love. I hated school and high school. But I loved it during the pandemic cause we could do school from home. It was heaven. I realised how easy it was to understand everything the professor said. My mind could finally focus on the lesson. Also I had the best grades during that period.
Beeing alone for all of my life made develop a good relationship with myself. I can easily spend weeks inside my house without ever getting bored. I constantly have something to do. Maybe read some mangas, watch some anime, read basic books, play on my Ps5, decorating my room etc. I just cannot get bored
Also, my social skills are on another level than the rest of the people. I knew human beeings are social at the end of the day and I was no different. I knew that in time, if I get to comfortable with loneliness I would probably go insane without realising. So, I developed extremelly good social skills. Usually is hard for fat people to find sex but for me it was never a problem. The problem was that it ended at sex.
You see, I'm gay. Been gay since Kindergarden. I clearly remember how I had this attraction to the boys in my class. It wasnt a sexual attraction, of course. Not sure how exactly to describe it but it was a strong feeling of friendship. Not even comparable to what I felt toward girls. This feeling grew stronger and stronger while I grew up. Its funny now that I remember. I had massive crushes on boys in middle school but I realised I was gay only a year after =))) I think my life wouldve been a bit easier if i was straight cause girls dont really care that much about your body. I seen girls with some questionable creatures. These hoes dont care as long as ur funny and a decent human beeing. The bar is literally in hell. But gay dudes are shallow as fuck. If they like you while you re fat they probably have a fetish. Otherwise they will spit in your face if you dont have Adonis's body. Of course there are gays that just have a type and that happens to be fat dudes. And I consider myself lucky cause I found some normal fat gay lovers 💀
So yeah I like dudes.
Anyway, so because I was fat all my life I had to make up by having an amazing personality. Im funny as fuck. I know how to make people feel comfortable around me and we can easly spend hours talking about nonsense because I have knowledge in ALL.
Now, obviously, I always found it easier to talk to girls. Been constaly surrounded by girls and always felt safer with them. Its funny cause people say I'm gay cause I never got in contact with a girl while im literally one of them. I actually have 3 girl best friends. We do sleepovers and go on vacations. I feel comfortable around them and they feel comfortable around me. They are perfect body shape also. Hourglass body and all that + perfect skin
They are keepers because they always give me gifts. This year they made a suprise party for me. They got a big cheescake and posters with my favourite animes. And we also ate korean food. It was amazing. I love my girlies❤️🥺
They also know about my struggles and we shared our insecurities. They helped me go thru the weight loss journey by ACTIVELLY cheking on me and what I do. And so...I managed to lose 40 Kg.
Years: 21 Height. 1.70 M Weight before: 120 kg Weight Now: 80 Kg
I lost it 6 months ago. Do I like it? Kinda. I like that its easier to find clothes. They fit better. I like that I can pose full body sometimes. My anxiety has gone down 5%
Its just...I just dont care. Its too late to matter.
Do i feel healty? Yeah but I secretly kinda wanted to die soon so I dont give a fuck about health..
Now..here is the thing that made me go fucking insane. Rage mode insane. Random people are trying to get close me. The fuck? Strangers start talking to me while i have headphones on. They just start asking me stuff and im confused cause like, dont you see my headphones?? Why do you bother me? Its not like they bother me for something important like losing my keys or ID. Example: this bitch tooh my headphones off and told me " just so you know, i get off next station!" BITCH, THE FUCK?????? Who are you and why do I care if you get off next station? Get the fuck away from my face. And why do you touch my stuff?
Dudes that refused me now they text me. I blocked them instantly. Strangers now sit next to me? Nah i get up and move somewhere else.
Random dude asks for my instagram when im out with my girlies? Not even looking at him.
Coworkers moving their stuff closer to me and giving me compliments? Im moving further and full ignore their empy ass compliments.
So now that im skinny and hot u wanna spend time with me? Do you realise 6 months ago i was literally the same fucking person? With same interest and emotions? Do you fucking realise that?
Nah, none of them exist to me anymore. Also I hate my family and I told them about all of this. Left them spechless for a moment then they said they only did that to encourage me to lose weight.
NO FAT HUMAN WILL LOSE WEIGHT DUE TO FUCKING BULLYING! AND IF THEY DO, THEY WILL DO IT IN THE MOST UNHEALTHY WAY! BULLYING FAT PEOPLE WILL JUST MAKE THEM FATTER AND THATS A FACT FOR 90% OF CASES!
People are so fucking lame and uninteresting. Shallow dogs. I hate most humans. I cant stand them anymore. I see right thru their fakeness and I wanna vomit.
Not sure if I will ever get over this. Im really fucking tired.
