Not coping well with gaining weight for the first time. Starting my weight loss plan now

I hope it's okay if I just want to vent. Maybe ask for support or advice on how to stop feeling so shitty and disgusting and ugly while I do my best to lose this weight.

I'm 5'5 male and my normal weight is generally between 130-150 lbs.

I guess over the last year I gained a lot of weight. Mostly because it's the first time in my life I've both had access to as much food as I actually needed AND haven't been in a dangerous or incredibly stressful environment/situation. The stress definitely helped keep me skinny for years LOL but I wouldn't reccomend it

Anyways, my weight now is 192 lbs. Definitely fat. I don't look completely massive but it's totally impossible to hide now.

I'm starting to figure out a plan to lose weight, I don't have access to like, literally fucking anything that costs money right now- no gym no nothing. And I really don't have aot of energy to spare, working out fucking HURTS. so my plan right now is to calorie deficit (eating around 1200 calories a day or less if I can manage it but it's a bit hard) and exercising when I can. Trying to take more walks and bike but biking fucking HURTS also. It's all been such a bitch

Pretty much ALL the weight went to my ass and my stomach too so I feel like I look like SHIT. I don't know how to cope with it I literally can't dress well anymore, I'm wearing hoodies in 80-90 degree weather because I can't stand how I look in anything anymore, I feel just nasty and ugly all the time and I can barely stand to leave the house anymore at all, just idk. What do I even do to make myself feel less shit while I work on losing this weight??? It's not like I can drop all the weight today or any time super soon, it takes months, but I can't just be feeling shit all the time, moping all the time and never going outside or dressing myself properly, what do I do???

Sorry for the negativity but it's hard and people around me just don't seem to get it. I just need any encouragement or advice. Thanks

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