Feeling burnt out and looking for some advice :(

To keep things brief, I'm about 133/134 currently (F/19, 5"4), GW is really anywhere between 125-130, started at ~152 and got here through first mindful eating and then CICO (also probably relevant, before I even started losing I was working out intensely 4-7 times a week). My problem is that my tendency is to eat as little as possible in order to lose as quickly as possible. This wasn't really an issue before when I just started losing because it was easier to keep up with a high deficit, but lately I find myself slipping into eating only 1000/1100 even when I'm active. I'm often light-headed lately and I feel like I have no energy, to the point where I've reduced my workouts (weight/powerlifting, running, cycling) to only a couple times a week which makes me sad because I love working out! At this point I genuinely don't care much for unhealthy food and honestly just want a bowl of granola and berries and to stop feeling hangry/weak all the time :( I'm just sick of not being able to eat enough ever, sleeping poorly, not being able to work out as much, making my mom nervous that I'm starving myself, having lethargy prevent me from agreeing to go on walks or play catch... I like tracking and logging, I like eating healthy and exercising, but the restriction can feel overwhelming. I don't even want to binge, just eat normally.

The thing is, I was way more miserable even at 145 pounds. I didn't feel like myself, and I just felt insecure and angry all the time. I'm happy now, I just want to lose the last few pounds so that my pants fit comfortably and not super tight. I've taken days (although few) where I eat up to maintenance, but I can never bring myself to give myself a longer break from the constant restriction, thinking, "the time will continue to pass, wouldn't you rather be three pounds lighter in three weeks than weigh the same you do now?" And so I've stuck with it. But this is still my life, and I'm finding that weight loss has become such a priority to the extent that it's basically taken over my summer, and is negatively impacting my life.

And so I'm thinking it would be healthy to only follow a smaller deficit, or eat up to maintenance for a week or so, but at the same time I would hate for progress to stall. I go back to college in a month and I want to be able to start this year fresh and happy and as my best self. I've been eating around 1000-1300 lately (with general summer activity like walking and swimming, and intense exercise but only about twice a week now) and I was thinking of increasing to anywhere between 1500-1700? I do have a decent amount of muscle mass from lifting for the past seven months, I wonder if that affects anything?

​

I'd really appreciate any response, I've been feeling very stuck.

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Disappointment with my goal-weight body has poisoned my relationship with weight loss and health, and I don't know what to do.

Hi everyone. Back in 2011 this subreddit inspired me to start trying, really trying, to lost weight. I was 15 years old, 5'4 and 180 pounds, and had been fat (or called fat, at least) my entire life. It certainly wasn't the most straightforward trajectory downward, but from my sophomore year of high school to the end of my second year of university, I eventually reached 115 pounds. I was 20 years old and suddenly my life was so fundamentally different: I was independent, living in across the world from where I grew up, starting to fall in love with the man who'd become my husband.

I was in control of my life, my relationship with food, my body.

I wasn't obese. Then I wasn't overweight.

I was thin.

But. Somewhere around 130 pounds I started to suspect that I wasn't going to look like I hoped I would look. I lost weight through calorie counting, I didn't overly worry about what the food I was eating was. I relied on cardio. Between those habits and my natural fat dispersion, I didn't know if I would look, well, good at the end of this. I started to compulsively look at progress pics, trying to find pictures of people who lost weight and looked like me: with my flabby belly, uneven, like candle-wax melting. My chunky thighs, my big calves.

I continued to cut. I surpassed my goal (set at 15, with no real concept of what being that small would be like). I weighed between 118 and 115, and maintaining it for the next year left me an anxious, sick wreck. I obsessed over the concept of skinny-fat, creating this reality where even though I had achieved my goal I still wasn't good enough. After all, I still hated myself naked. I still could feel and grab these fistfuls of subcutaneous fat and loose skin. I got smaller, knowing there was still fat to lose. I tried to lift weights, never eating enough to make any meaningful progress.

I started my masters, exhausted. And so was everyone else-- despite my obsession with my fat stomach I was gaunt everywhere else. I gave in, my masters was hard and miserable, and I indulged. I sought out therapy for my disordered eating. I got rid of my scale, at the end.

Another year passed and I had to get on a scale at the GP. I weighed 130 pounds. I couldn't bear it. I bought a scale, logged into lose it and started again. I was unemployed, steadily losing, back to 118. I moved home, got a job, moved my fiancé across the world to be with me. "Settled" in: trying to get through each day of work while trying to cope with how my life is going to be for...the foreseeable future.

This morning I'm back up to 126. A completely reasonable, healthy weight. I crave a healthy life, where I exercise for joy and because I am strong and able. Where I use my love of cooking to eat fresh, unprocessed and healthy meals that I am proud to eat. But instead I feel my stomach's heft, I see its roundness. I feel incapable of sustaining healthy habits because I am so exhausted with how my body makes me feel, even at it's thinnest. And I cannot bear the work and stress it took to maintain that thinneness, when I was still so unhappy.

I feel so lost: at one point weight loss, exercise and health made me feel empowered and capable. Now I'm consumed with disappointment and guilt, and cannot appreciate how far I have come, the health I now have. I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: I lost 65 pounds between through high school and university but ended up so disappointed with what I ended up looking like that I've ended up with a worse relationship with food and my body than I had before I lost the weight. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

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I ate the world for 3 days and I'm okay

For some history, I've always been pretty good at losing weight. I've also always been pretty good at gaining weight. I love food, and I can happily sit down and eat two or three romaine hearts with no dressing, or an entire pack of white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies from the bakery. I really love to cook, and I get a lot of joy from trying new foods and cuisines from all regions of the world. I have been working on losing weight on and off for about 5 years, started getting more serious about it in January. I'm 5'4", my highest weight was 222 lbs about 5 years ago, which dropped to around 180 when I stopped drinking. I started at 172.2 in January and did good with tracking my calories most of the time, with only a few 'fuck it' weeks here or there where I decided I didn't want to restrict myself, and wanted to enjoy being able to try anything I wanted when going out to eat, or enjoy the deliciousness of an entire order of honey butter croissant from Cheddar's. I can do strick calorie counting for decent periods of time, but I want to keep my weight loss sustainable, and that means also being able to eat without counting calories at times and eating rich calorie laden foods at times, because I don't see the rest of my life being joyful without those options.

So in May, after getting back from a 10 day vacation where I made a conscious choice to not worry and stress about food and eat whatever I wanted, I was up 10lbs and at around 165lbs. I don't regret a moment, it was the first vacation my partner and I have taken in 8 years, and I loved every bite I put in my face and all the cool restaurants we tried. But I have some fitness goals too, and wanted to get my body fat down, get into a healthy weight range, and start doing bulking and cutting cycles to put on some muscle and get to a level of fitness I have never tried before. I like pushing my body and seeing what I can do with it, and right now that involves goals of getting to a sub 15% bodyfat, possibly sub 10%, and then seeing how long it takes to add an extra 10lbs of muscle to my frame with powerlifting.

I decided to start with a 12 week cut, eating around 1300-1500 calories a day, and 120-140grams of protein. And I've stuck to it fairly well. There were a few days that I knew I'd want to be able to eat more, celebrations and potlucks, so I scheduled carb refeeds those days, spaced out every couple weeks, and still kept track of calories and didn't go above maintenance. My rules for myself were 12 whole weeks of meeting my calorie and protein goals daily, carb refeeds scheduled in advance and only once every two weeks at max, and not going above maintenance those days.

Then this week came. This week was busier then any week I've had in years. I am easily overwhelmed and don't often drive long distances, and I need my sleep. This week I got maybe 4 hours a night, I had my clinical shift over the weekend (nursing school), then went to Philadelphia for a wwe payperview which was quite a drive, helped someone move in a last minute emergency, had an intense exam, ran 30 minutes without stopping for the first time, went to an Alice Cooper/Halestorm concert that also involved quite a few hours of driving, had a potluck with a support group I help run, on top of the usual every day stressors of life. It was not a good time to also be stressing about food.

I thought beforehand about trying to plan either the potluck, the concert, or the WWE event, as a refeed day, like I had been doing for special events. I knew I had wanted to commit completely to this 12 week cut and not have unplanned days of eating the world. But that would mean only choosing one day of three back to back events that I really wanted to be able to eat at. Two would have me out of town in places where I had access to restaurants and foods I can't find at home and really wanted to try, and one was a social event where I know I get grumpy if I can't try all the lovely things my people bring. So I made a choice, I decided not to feel like a failure because I didn't keep to my strict 12 week cut with only planned refeeds every couple weeks. I decided to eat the world, put whatever I wanted in my face, and count the calories after. And I consciously chose to not feel guilty for it, that was the hardest choice.

Before this week I was 147.8lbs. I ate the world for three days, somewhere around 3000 calories at least. I was 151.8 the day after the concert. When I got back, it was hard to get back to eating healthy and at a deficit. I absolutely loved being able to indulge in foods that just plain won't fit into my calorie budget right now. I mustered up my resolve and dove back in to my deficit though, and the extra water weight from three days of excess fell back off, and I'm at 147.4 this morning. That's a new low, the lowest I've been in almost a decade! I know that's how this works, that the math adds up, that weight gain from eating in excess is mostly water and only a little fat. But seeing it is the most confirming thing, even though I've seen it many times before. I just am rejoicing in the repeated reinforcement that I can live my life as an unapologetic foodie who indulges at will, while also focusing on health and weight loss and moderation. I can trust myself, I can plan ahead, I can give myself freedom to indulge and then pick up my self control without hesitation. And I finally see that I can maintain this way, I can actually hit a point someday where I can balance eating the world and trying all the lovely foods it has to offer, with eating healthy low calorie options the rest of the time to keep my weight stable, and feel content and not deprived for the rest of my life. That is my real success here, the confirmation of what I knew, but had to really see at this particular moment in time to truly believe.

For the record, I tried two new pastries in China Town that I'd never even heard of, tried rolled ice cream for the first time, and had my first experience of having sushi burritos and onigiri that I hadn't made at home. Plus a delicious mushroom melt with goat cheese and arugula, far too many pralines, and a gratuitous amount of taro boba tea. And the most fantastic cookie dough bars at the potluck which put every cookie I've ever had to shame. It was worth it!

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Hit the 170s today, reversed almost 20 years of gains

So in March, 2018, I weighed in at 267.4 as a 41F 5'7", the highest I'd ever been, BMI was 41.88, Morbidly obese. I decided that was not acceptable, and I needed to do something. I started walking twice a day, as long as I could (started out at only about 1 mile each time) and tracking my food.

One month later, at my annual checkup, I had lost 10 pounds, and was so excited, only to have my doctor tell me I was actually UP 10 pounds from my prior visit. /heartbreak She put me on more blood pressure pills (I was 165/110) and told me I was prediabetic. That was a push to keep going.

At that point, I was already on Metformin for my PCOS and Levothyroxine for my hypothyroid. Each time I'd tried to lose weight before, I wasn't on any meds and those two hormone issues made weight loss very hard. THIS TIME, however, with my hormones in check, once I got serious, the weight started dropping.

I made gradual changes, starting with cutting back on sugar and salty snacks. I don't have any forbidden foods, but I rarely eat any sugary or salty snacks at all these days, except for some chocolate every day. I cut back the volume of bread and milk I ingest substantially (I was a BIG milk drinker before, 3 gallons per week). I upped the fruits and veggies and protein instead. My goal is to eat 95% healthy 95% of days. I don't have "cheat days", but if I want to indulge one event, like a party or holiday, I don't beat myself up about it. I even eat pizza sometimes. I only have 1 or 2 sodas a month, but that isn't a change for me, never was a big soda drinker.

I'm a pretty picky eater, so I only eat about 20 different foods on a regular basis, but I've learned which vegetables and fruits I do like and stick with them for now, figuring something is better than what I was doing before. Mostly, I eat chicken, with roasted broccoli, asparagus and potatoes (I'm an Idaho gal, so you can take my potatoes from my cold dead hands), fruits are lots of berries, grapes, apples, and occasionally an orange. Sometimes, I'll have peanut butter toast (35 calorie/slice whole wheat bread) with some cheddar cheese and an apple. Hubby and I have homemade tacos once a week and I'll have a burger once or twice a month. I prefer to just eat breakfast (haven't broken the Cheerios habit yet, but its the plain kind, no sugar added) and then lunch/dinner around 3:00, so I guess that is intermittent fasting.

I've also continued walking each day, now I go just once a day, instead of twice, but always at least 2 miles, usually 3-4, at a 4mph pace.

At my checkup a few months ago, I was down to 1/2 of one blood pressure pill and was at a healthy reading of 122/81 (I was on 3 meds at one point) and my A1C was healthy, not prediabetic anymore. My doctor told me if I wanted to lose more weight, I could (I was and am still "overweight"), but I had reversed almost all my weight related problems, so if I just maintained there the rest of my life, she would be thrilled. I really am a large frame with dense bones, so the high end of "healthy" is all I was ever shooting for anyway.

In 16 months, I'm down over 85 pounds and as of this morning, I was 179.8. I'm nearly down 1/3 of my starting weight. I'd like to lose another 20-30. 20 more would put me just into "healthy" weight.

The last time I was in the 170s, I don't actually know, because I only started tracking in 2005, and since then, I've never been this low (190.2 was my old "best" before this round). My best guess is that this is about what I weighed when I graduated college in 2000, so nearly 20 years of gains, gone! When I reach the 160s, it will be the lowest I've been as an adult.

I'm definitely not the fastest loser, but I'll take being the slow and steady turtle who finishes the race. I know that the way I'm eating now, is a way I can continue eating, which gives me a better chance of keeping the weight off.

My next goal is to start lifting heavy things. I don't have any loose skin yet, but expect that in the next 20 pounds, I will start to get some on my belly, which is my biggest trouble spot. So getting some muscle will make that less obvious, at least.

As I near my healthy weight range, I'm finding it harder to maintain a deficit, so building some muscle will help with that. I'll also probably need to wean myself off my lifelong Cheerios addiction if I want to actually reach goal. Gradual small and sustainable changes will get me there.

I would love to post pictures, but I've never been a camera person, even as a healthy teenager, and so I don't have any before photos at all. Not even a bad angle in someone else's picture. Honestly, I didn't think I would succeed. PEOPLE, TAKE A BEFORE PHOTO.

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I turned 39 today, and yesterday found out I've lost enough to join the Navy

Just turned 39 while I was sleeping, woo.

I'm under a year away from an advanced degree. Four years ago when I was just starting, I had been thinking very seriously about joining the Navy when finished. Not the most beaten path at my age, but the particular type of training they offer in my field is extremely desirable to me when thinking about future career trajectory.

Anyway. Those years ago, I was already disqualified because of my weight (I was in the 170s at that point). I put it aside. Fast forward years of school, a little weight loss, some gain back, then six months of dedicated CICO since February. With graduation looming I've been thinking really hard about the future again. I'd lost 35 pounds and didn't know if that was enough. Could have looked it up but I'll tell the truth -- I was too terrified.

Yesterday I finally called my local Navy office, and was passed to a really wonderful contact in my field who spent a ton of time answering all my questions and detailing how the process would go. That weight requirement haunted me the whole time but I was so afraid to ask...I waited until almost the end of the conversation to bring it up.

He asked for my height and weight then, I told him, and he chuckled and said: "Upper limit for your height is 141 lbs. You're totally fine."

Holy shit, I did it! I still have quite a bit more to lose as I want to be more solidly in the "normal" BMI for my garden gnome height, but I did it. I haven't 100% committed to this road yet, but it's honestly incredible knowing that if I'm going to be held back by something, it at least won't be my damn weight.

Now I have to be able to run a mile. Which...that's going to be a whole other hurdle to address as I suck at running. But hey, what's life without goals?

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Update to my weight gain post

Probably unnecessary since that post went mostly unnoticed (but thank you to the redditors who commented and tried to help!). But I feel like I learned a valuable lesson that I want to share.

I lost 70-80 lbs after having my last baby. I've maintained that weight for almost two years now but in the past few months I've gained ~10 lbs back. When I started gained back in April, I made a laid back attempt to track on MFP (keeping it to 1200, then went to 1400 when I realized my workout levels necessitated it) and work out even more.

At the start of July, I was a few pounds UP and went into freakout mode. Started religiously tracking on MFP (before, I would get lazy with it) and amped up my workouts even more. I was 100% about everything (and yes, to the people who asked on my last post...I was tracking and measuring condiments and cooking oils too!). I was running 5k distances in the blazing heat. Killing it in HIIT class. And slamming my weight training in the gym. I was looking forward to last Wednesday's weigh in.

And then I saw I'd gained even more (3 lbs) and saw a number on the scale that I haven't seen since my weight loss journey. That number is about five pounds under the overweight threshold for my BMI.

I spent two days wallowing in self pity. I couldn't square it. Thought maybe it was the birth control I started a few months back, but mostly I was scared I'd been deluding myself. I posted to this sub looking for thoughts, and was mostly met with what I feared my problem was--that I was still eating too much, that I still hadn't figured this thing out, that I was lying to myself thinking I had.

I talked to one of my fitness instructors after Thursday night's class and she looked at me like I was crazy and had me schedule a body comp exam.

Y'all. I HAVE gained some weight. The scale wasn't lying. What the scale couldn't reveal though was that that weight was lean body mass. (Which explains why my size 6 pants all still fit.) I have gained muscle in every area of my body. I took my weight obsessed blinders off and looked in the mirror this morning. My abs have more definition. My arms and back and neck are thicker with toned muscle. As are my thighs. My glutes are lifted and rounder.

What I couldn't see a few days ago is that my weight gain started around the time I started increasing my weight reps at the gym. It started when I started that new HIIT class that I'm a die-hard of now. When I began doing the 60 min "butts and guts" group power class instead of the 30 min one. When I started running for longer.

So I'm taking my fitness instructor friend's advice and keeping my scale weigh-ins to twice a year. I'm deleting MFP. I'm gonna keep going hard at the gym. I'm gonna keep devouring mostly veggies and fruit and lean protein and whole grains. I'm gonna keep the junk food out of my house and keep boycotting restaurants. I know what I'm doing. I can trust myself.

There was a time when I needed loseit. When I needed MFP. When I needed to watch the scale and devour every weight loss tip I could find. That time has passed. I did it. It's time to move on. I don't need to be obsessed anymore. For my mental health's sake, I'm unsubbing from r/loseit and gonna lurk more on r/fitness and r/running.

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you--I've loved reading your posts and threads. It's been the source of much encouragement and wisdom and I wish you all the best in your journeys to health and wellness. Much love ❤️

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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Y6cojY

Don't measure binge day is overall calories. Compare the deficit amounts.

SW - 91 kgs CW - 69.7 kgs

Overall calories can be very deceptive.

Lets say your maintenance is 2200 calories.

You are on 1700 calories diet. You stick to 1700 calories for six days and then comes Sunday.

Lets say you binge on sunday for about 2700 calories (it is not uncommon to go over 3000). How bad it could be?

1700, 1700, 1700, 1700, 1700, 1700, 2700

That looks neat. Just over half day worth of extra calories. Looks like a very successful weak (and it actually is to some extent)

But overall calories doesn't matter. It is the deficit that does the work for you. Now lets have a looks at that.

500, 500, 500, 500, 500, 500, -1000

500, 500, 500, 500, 000, 000, 000

You lost a progress of three days.

Your deficit for that week went from 3000 to 2000. That is why I said it is still a successful week. Just over quarter of kilogram is still decent amount of weight loss.

I am not trying to pass a judgement or anything. It is just a simple matter of how we approach things. When we binge it is usually the overall amount that drives our decision. "Oh I just ate twice as much for one day. How bad could it be"). No, you ate like 3 days worth of deficit.

So maybe if we approach it from the deficit point of view, we would probably make a better decision?

This is what helped to get rid of bad habit of Sunday binge. It is very easy to stay motivated and not binge when you measure the damage in days.

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