To keep things brief, I'm about 133/134 currently (F/19, 5"4), GW is really anywhere between 125-130, started at ~152 and got here through first mindful eating and then CICO (also probably relevant, before I even started losing I was working out intensely 4-7 times a week). My problem is that my tendency is to eat as little as possible in order to lose as quickly as possible. This wasn't really an issue before when I just started losing because it was easier to keep up with a high deficit, but lately I find myself slipping into eating only 1000/1100 even when I'm active. I'm often light-headed lately and I feel like I have no energy, to the point where I've reduced my workouts (weight/powerlifting, running, cycling) to only a couple times a week which makes me sad because I love working out! At this point I genuinely don't care much for unhealthy food and honestly just want a bowl of granola and berries and to stop feeling hangry/weak all the time :( I'm just sick of not being able to eat enough ever, sleeping poorly, not being able to work out as much, making my mom nervous that I'm starving myself, having lethargy prevent me from agreeing to go on walks or play catch... I like tracking and logging, I like eating healthy and exercising, but the restriction can feel overwhelming. I don't even want to binge, just eat normally.
The thing is, I was way more miserable even at 145 pounds. I didn't feel like myself, and I just felt insecure and angry all the time. I'm happy now, I just want to lose the last few pounds so that my pants fit comfortably and not super tight. I've taken days (although few) where I eat up to maintenance, but I can never bring myself to give myself a longer break from the constant restriction, thinking, "the time will continue to pass, wouldn't you rather be three pounds lighter in three weeks than weigh the same you do now?" And so I've stuck with it. But this is still my life, and I'm finding that weight loss has become such a priority to the extent that it's basically taken over my summer, and is negatively impacting my life.
And so I'm thinking it would be healthy to only follow a smaller deficit, or eat up to maintenance for a week or so, but at the same time I would hate for progress to stall. I go back to college in a month and I want to be able to start this year fresh and happy and as my best self. I've been eating around 1000-1300 lately (with general summer activity like walking and swimming, and intense exercise but only about twice a week now) and I was thinking of increasing to anywhere between 1500-1700? I do have a decent amount of muscle mass from lifting for the past seven months, I wonder if that affects anything?
I'd really appreciate any response, I've been feeling very stuck.
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