This is a throwaway account because i am way too embarrassed to write this on my main account. I have been stalking this subreddit for a while and it seemed like a safe place to talk about this because everyone seems very encouraging. I was always a chubby girl. When I started my weight loss journey I was 163cm 78kg. I started my journey healthy. I went to a dietician and did pilates. Everything was going well I was down to 67kg in 3 months. After that I started to be more aware of my calorie intake. I calculated the calories on my diet list and thought "hey I can eat way less than that I don't think it will be that hard". And I slowly ate less and less to a point that I was only eating 100 calories a day. I was down to 58kg just like that. Everyone started to compliment my appearance and i felt confident again. It was the only time I felt like I mattered in the eyes of others. Until I started to get really sick. I was constantly in the hospital getting IVs. Which was odd because before losing that much weight I was never hospitalized for a flu. For a bloody flu. I started to lose control of my "diet" and started binging again. I gained almost all the weight back. Weighing 68kg now, I am so scared of eating. Yet when I'm hungry I lose control. I am also very scared of eating/drinking certian things. I just have this unhealthy relationship with food I don't know what to do. It feels like I am only valuable when I'm skinny. But food is also the only good thing in my life. It is the only thing I enjoy. I have gotten so obsessed with calories to a point that I am deathly afraid of eating something with unknown calories to me. I want to be healthy again. Not over eating nor under eating. I don't want to look in the mirror and feel worthless. I am so tired of feeling self conscious.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2yfsugH
No comments:
Post a Comment