Up until I was 23 years old, I was skinny. Throughout college I was about 125 pounds. Now I weigh 188. I've lost ten pounds this year and I am proud of that! But I am going to a bridal shower on Sunday where people from high school and college will be. Many of them have not seen me since I was sixty pounds lighter. I am terrified. I don't want to go. I want to hide in my house. None of them know or care that I lost ten pounds. They will all see me and say "Wow, she got fat!" No one from my past will ever look at me and think "Wow, she looks great!" I will always be fatter than when they knew me.
The chances of me hitting and maintaining 125 pounds again are slim (I carry pretty curvy and was really only able to maintain 125 because of young metabolism and unhealthy habits), and even if I did, pretty much everyone I am close to in life knew me when I was skinny. Me being skinny again won't matter. No one will ever compliment my success or realize how hard weight loss is for me. Maybe they'll just stop being disappointed I got fat.
I know it's shallow and I know their opinion doesn't matter - my health and happiness are why I'm doing this. I know that this is a stupid feeling. I know I need to get over it. But I am jealous of people who get these waves of compliments from people. Even though I crave validation, I don't get to have the motivation of old friends complimenting me. I will always have "gotten fat." I will always be fatter than when they knew me.
Sorry about the rant. I just needed to post this somewhere. I wonder if anyone else out there feels a similar way.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Yb9W0C
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