I've been lurking for a while and finally decided to create an account too. I've been mostly overweight - and briefly obese - my entire adult life (now 27), and have never had a healthy relationship with food. I've struggled with binge eating, restricting to dangerously small amounts / nothing, and at times purging too. So my weight has always gone up and down very quickly and drastically. I was at my highest weight a couple of years ago, at around 198lbs (at 5ft6) and quickly lost around 20-25lbs, but that's where I've stayed since then, very unhappy with my body and how I feel in general. I've also been depressed for a large part of my adult life.
About a month ago I had a sort of epiphany that I actually deserve to feel good about myself and deserve to feel comfortable in my body - something that I have never really felt before. This triggered a plan of more sensible calorie restriction than what I've done before, and I've felt really good about it. I've stuck to my weekly calorie budget almost perfectly and this felt sustainable and good. I also started jogging, which made me feel really good about myself. I was pushing myself and I felt good about it.
I've been unemployed during this period - which has made it easier to make these changes now, without any distractions - but it's starting to get to me now. I was hopeful of finding something I'd enjoy, but I keep getting rejections from employers on a constant basis. My mood has been low, and when I come across an interesting job opportunity I actually feel hopeful, and then I get rejected again and feel worse than I did before. I also got injured a few days ago which means I have not been able to jog (and this was something I was starting to use as an outlet when feeling very anxious). I don't really know where I'm going with this - I just feel like my stress levels are getting higher and higher and I'm worried that I won't stick to my healthy weight loss plan. I'm scared that I will ruin all my progress by binging if I get too depressed (and since it's only been a month since I started, my healthier ways don't seem quite set yet), and I feel like I should just focus on completing each day according to my plan, as this seems to be the only thing I can actually do at the moment. But I also find it concerning that I feel weight loss is the only thing I'm successful at right now - I really don't want to go back to my disordered ways of losing weight. I feel constantly on edge and like I'm about to slip one way or the other. In order to maintain healthy habits, I have to keep reading other people's success stories almost non-stop. So, I guess what I want to ask is: any advice or support? How do you deal with times of stress and poor mental health without losing control?
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