Discouraged but also proud?

Hi everyone! I’ve never made a post on reddit before so this is gonna be all over the place!

So I’ve always had a yo-yo kind of journey but I’m 22 now and finally decided I am sick of being miserable in this body. I had a long distance relationship since December, and he was planning to come to see me in August so I wanted to get my ass in gear before then. It wasn’t just for him, but of course I wanted him to be attracted to me. I wanted to not be terrified of taking my clothes off in front of him for once in my life. He’s made me feel very comfortable in my own skin and loved my tummy and big legs so it’s made this weight loss journey different than any other one I’ve ever gone through. I’m lucky to have had his support.

Now I don’t have an exact start date for when I made my lifestyle change, but let’s say it has been a few months, maybe since April or May? I started adding the gym in only in June though.

I was at my heaviest weight I had ever been at before I started my journey and I felt absolutely disgusting and ugly. I feel like I look the exact same from when I first started and get really discouraged at my lack of progress. I have PCOS so it feels like I have to work harder than a person without PCOS (my mom for example, aka my workout partner), so that has also added to the discouragement. I more recently was only losing 1 pound a week, regardless of my hard work, especially with my diet. I have such bad cravings constantly, it’s quite mentally draining. I wouldn’t mind the cravings so much if I was actually losing weight like I would expect to. I know a pound a week is “good”, but I expect more from my body. Since my weight is not that low, I hoped weight would drop off more quickly.

I do care about what the scale says but I also care about what I look like and how I feel. I feel like I’ve made no progress, but I have to remind myself that the scale tells me I lost 20 pounds since my highest weight and that IS progress. I also dread looking at unflattering photos of myself so I don’t have any before pictures to compare to, unfortunately.

I have to step back and look at what progress I have made. I know I look in the mirror everyday and see no change, but I’m sure I do look different than I did with an extra 20 pounds. I don’t really have a goal weight, I just want to keep losing it until I start liking what I see. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad idea?

Thanks for reading!

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