I’m trying to get back into tracking calories and cutting out carbs, but I just don’t want to. I want to eat pasta and potatoes. I want to have a brownie or piece of cake every week. I want to eat dairy without getting the low fat variety of it. That’s what I want.
I was thin my entire life because I didn’t have a healthy appetite. I would forget to eat. It wasn’t important to me. I rarely had cravings & I was stressed at holidays when everyone made a big fuss over the food bc I just wasn’t interested in it & really didn’t want to sit around a table that long or try everything.
Now that I’m in premenopause and on a med that causes weight gain, my every thought is about food. I’m off work for 2 months with nothing to do except going to the gym. On the weekends my bf & I just eat together bc we’re old & tired. What else is there to do besides eating at middle age? Lol jk
But seriously now everything is about food & im not over caffeinated and I quit vaping so I’m not over nicotined into having no hunger. And this damn med makes me crave literally everything. The only joy in my day is eating. I can’t get dopamine any other way bc it blocks the receptors. Food is my only happiness. I have to make it another month before I can step down to a lower dose, but there’s no guarantee I can go completely off it in the future. I might be stuck with the anhedonia and lack of enjoyment with life.
So here I am back at 160 lbs again, and I have gained back 10 of the 25 I lost, and I’m trying my best to find motivation to go back on my carb free diet but honestly I don’t even care anymore. My dr had given me a lecture about diabetes, but I’m close enough to a healthy weight now that doesn’t mean much to me. I could just go to the gym and gain muscle with this higher calorie diet. I don’t even want to lose weight anymore bc my clothes fit close enough. But some part of me knows I’ll gain back the rest of the weight & more with this mindset, bc enough will never be enough. That’s how I ended up at 180lbs and felt hopeless. Before I started all of this.
How do you get the motivation to care? What’s some content worth watching that will bring back the motivation to workout & eat healthy? I need inspiration. When I watch fitness related content I don’t feel motivated. When I see muscled out body types I immediately dismiss it bc that will never be me. When I watch videos about what to eat, I think what a great idea, time for a snack. The only way I can lose weight is letting myself be hungry for a majority of the time & find a way to distract myself. Nothing else works for me.
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