How can I help my significant other?

Hi r/loseit,

Throwaway since my SO is also on reddit.

So I was reading this thread on reddit, and there's alot of good stuff from doctors regarding things they wish we knew of our bodies more. Anyways, there were many posts regarding obesity and exercise. Now I am all for body positivity and loving one's self. BUT since this is my SO we're talking about, I'm starting to look more at the health side of it as well.

My SO is 5ft 8in and 215 pounds. I love this man. We've been together 7+ years and I definitely don't mind how he looks now; however, I'm starting to get concerned for his health due to his weight and his poor eating habits. According to the internet he's within obese territory and the link above got me to thinking about the repercussions of his weight moving forward in our lives. I want the best for him, and that includes a healthy life. For reference I'm 5ft 2in and 130 pounds. I've gotten into weightlifting the last 3 years and I'm absolutely loving it. It's made me change how I look, how I eat, all that jazz. You know the deal. I'm not saying I'm a professional when it comes to diet and exercise but I can comfortably say I know my way around food and exercise. I like to go through what body builders call "cutting" and "bulking" phases where the former basically involves losing fat, while the latter involves gaining weight/muscle. This has taught me to control my weight and has shown me first hand just how directly caloric intake really does affect your body. If I want to lose weight, I simply know to eat less and I can easily adjust my diet accordingly. Same thing for gaining weight too. I'm happy to know how much control I truly have over my body.

Now my SO definitely wants to lose weight. He buys clothes a bit smaller than usual sometimes as a motivator to lose weight. So the mentality to lose weight is there, but I just feel he needs that extra push to get him started. Here's the thing: every time I try to talk to him about his weight, he groans and says to talk about it another day. I respect that. I try not to be controlling with his food, but ultimately that's the biggest issue with weight gain/loss: caloric intake. So I always tell him to be mindful of his food intake. I always remind him that all he has to do to lose weight is to eat less. He doesn't need to even exercise. I always try to recommend to him to maybe half his rice portion at the very least or his main carb option of the night. But his reasoning for not doing so is that he shouldn't have to "starve" himself to lose weight. So I think he's missing the point. I don't know how to get around that. Because really, eating less is all it would take. I'm not saying it's easy, but that's the best I can really do/say to him without being forceful about it.

I don't want to force him to exercise since he's a nurse who works three 12 hour shifts a week and he seems to be on his feet during the time so I'm not too worried in terms of exercise for now. Though I think everyone should have some kind of physical activity per week. I want to introduce weight loss to him slowly. Also we can't quite go to the gym together since he's a nurse and I have a typical five days a week 9 to 5 job so our schedules differ greatly.

He'll have his bursts where he'll go to the gym a few times a week, BUT due to the sudden increase of physical activity, he gets hungrier and eats more food than usual resulting in no weight loss. This will generally discourage, him. This will usually only last for a month. And due to the discouragement, he'll just fall out of it.

I love this man. We are approaching our 30's (I'm 27 he's 28) and I know we're still kinda young lol, and it's easy to take our bodies for granted, but I want the best for him. And I want to help him. But I really don't know where to start. I started my fitness journey a few years ago(was severely underweight) and it truly is a lifestyle adjustment that does not happen over night.

I'm feeling bad because I focused so much on myself and created this healthy mindset for myself, and would tell myself "it's his life, not mine, he can do whatever he wants with it" and now I feel awful. I want to help my SO lose weight and was wondering how to even approach this properly.

He's loved my progress and is happy to see me achieving my goals. I want him to achieve his goals too. I'm hoping that my fitness journey will eventually spark something inside of him, but for now I just need to help him get started and get on track. Any words of advice are greatly appreciated!

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Starting the beginning of my weight loss transformation. Need Advice though!

Hello there,

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If your reading this then thanks, this is actually my first reddit post so I have no idea how this is going to go but I guess I'm making this post to help support myself go through this transformation and see if I can meet any nice people who can encourage me stay motivated or something (No idea if this is the right place to be looking for that). My life has been a hell of a rollercoaster this year, realistically probably all my life I mean where do I start, I've put on 9kg this year since from starting this office job I'm 3-4 months in to, and I'm generally so miserable in this job already! I just don't like the people and it has had a toll on my mental health (not going deep in about work just know its made me put weight on and I'm miserable at this 9-5 office job + in an environment I can't stand). What can I say money isn't everything but I need the money unfortunately... I'm 20 years old, I spent my 20th birthday (25th June) in hospital from an overdose as my mental health had gotten to a breaking point, now I'm somewhat out that mindset I'm realising I need to do something about my diet, now I believe your diet has a massive impact on your mental and physical health (I lost over 30lbs last year and went from fat to skinny for the first time in my life, so I know what feeling healthy and having a healthy mindsets like).

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I'll have to admit my diet has been disgusting, this year ever since starting my first full time job, I'm eating amounts I never used to eat before, but I can't stop the boredom eating! From biscuits every half an hour, hot chocolates, lots of chocolate bars, sandwiches, ready made meals I mean all that weight loss I did last year, most of it I've put back on just from this job and my depression in general! I wish I had the mindset I did like last year but I feel like I've lost all motivation within me and rather feel temporary moments of comfort eating a chocolate bar which will then lead me to bigger consequences in the long haul...

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Now I know what I kind of have to do for my body to lose weight and mentally sort myself out through diet however I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions or actual advice really on how to stop eating crap at work which I hate, hate the people and stuff. We've all been there, and then you eat out of boredom and because of isolation, sugary foods are the only things to comfort you in a stupid office. I only started gaining weight which I used to be 59kg to now 68-69kg in the space of 3-4 months only so thats a dramatic weight gain right there in such a short amount of time.

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The weight I now am is someone else’s goal weight.

So kind of like a shower thought, I had this thought while fasting the other day as I’m doing IF as a way to help calorie intake atm.

I was super down on myself as I’m starting to lose weight that I gained back while in a depressive slump. I was going through all the self critical thoughts of “why couldn’t you just keep it off? Would you stop eating your feelings!? You’re doing a crap job. This is taking forever...you’ll never look as attractive as you did before your baby. You’ll never be able to lose the weight to get to your goal weight....Etc....”

And it hit me that I’m currently rocking a body that some other people are desperately trying to achieve. Of course this doesn’t mean that I should compare myself to others as this is a personal journey, but for some reason it just helped me stop thinking all the critical thoughts and started me on a better mental track. I now try to think “what if I had just achieved a major milestone in weight loss? What if this weight was 50 lbs downs from my SW? How would I be feeling towards my efforts and this achievement?” And honestly, it’s helped a lot. I’m now super grateful for the body I DO have and am willing to listen to and work WITH it rather than feeling like I have to fight against it to get the results that I want.

I hope this makes sense and helps someone out there who is feeling blue or down about his or her efforts today. I’ve gained a lot of inspiration and hope from this sub and wanted to pass some along.

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Yesterday Was Bad - Today Must Be Better (Trigger Warnings - Mentions of Someone SelfHarming, Disordered Eating)

TL;DR: Yesterday, I screwed up by bingeing on a ton of junk, just to cap off a really nasty holiday weekend. I'm not giving myself an option to improve today, I'm just doing it.

Warning - very stream of consciousness - I had some thoughts I had to release today.

I've suffered from some form of disordered eating since I was a freshman in high school - I've never been diagnosed with any disorder (mostly because I've never brought it to anyone's attention) but it doesn't take an $80,000 degree to realize that my relationship with food is unhealthy at best. That brings you to me - 30 years old, 5ft nothing, and 212 lbs at my heaviest.

After an eye opening, very upsetting talk with my SO at the beginning of June, I've decided to really kick the weight loss into gear, something I've struggled with my whole life. I'm a month in, switching to a WOE that could be keto-related if you squint, and I've lost 18lbs! I'm feeling great, feeling motivated, more energy than I've had in months! My ankles don't hurt, my knees don't hurt, and I can walk for more than a mile without my lower back freaking out. Life is relatively good! I haven't binged in over 4 weeks, even despite the treat meals I allow once a week - this is a whole lifestyle change, not a diet, so I'm trying to remind myself I'm allowed to have the delicious things I like, but I don't need them every day. And so far, so good! Things are working!

​

Then my little sister gets committed. She's early teens, ADHD, ODD, been with therapists for years, and generally she's a great kid! But two weeks ago marked her second suicide attempt in 8 months, and they had to admit her to a psychiatric facility for her own safety. She hates it, obviously, and I can hear it in her voice when she calls me during her ten minute phone time a day. I love that little girl, I practically raised her, and this is breaking my heart that it's gotten to this point with her. (I could write a whole novel on why her issues are triggering my issues, but I digress.)

Along with the rollercoaster that is Sis's psychological issues, I started my cycle this week; the cravings are real, and I'm an emotional wreck. So, I spend all weekend arguing with my brain about how - no, I don't need taco bell, I've got some preplanned meals in the Fridge. No, you don't need that ice cream, you've had a treat already this week, save it for next time. No, you don't need to get a meal at 3 different fast food places and eat them all, you're not starving to death and that's gross.

​

I succeed for a few days, but yesterday, I broke. I don't know how, or why, or why suddenly I wasn't listening to the good voice in my head. I had done very well all day: 16:8 IF, kept to my carb count, was going to end the day under my calorie count, it was great! But then it happened. It was like I completely lost control of my body, and nothing I told myself was going to stop me. So I went to 2 drive-thrus, and when I got home, managed to eat: 2 soft tacos, a cheesy gordita crunch, a mcdouble, a small fry, and a large pepsi, all in about 30 minutes. When I was done with that, I finished off the 3/4 pint of ice cream in the freezer. All in all it wasn't my worst binge (by orders of magnitude), but the worst part was knowing how much progress I've made, recognizing how good I feel knowing that I'm taking steps to look after my health, and losing anyway to the monster in my skull. I felt stuffed, overfull to the point of pain, disgusted with myself and so I did what my ill brain considers the next best thing - I "got rid" of the whole mess by purging. The guilt is real. The pain is real. MY SO doesn't understand what it's like to not feel in control like that - for him, it's as easy as "don't do the thing" and he doesn't do the thing.

I know I need to seek counseling, for the family stuff and the food stuff, but what they want to charge is ridiculous. I know I need to find ways to distract myself from the urge to binge, and I've been pretty successful all month, but this was ridiculous. Today needs to be better. Today MUST be better. I can't allow myself the option.

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I need to organize my life to revolve around weight loss and fitness

I realized tonight that I'm not making any real progress with weight loss because I'm not organized enough. Opening an app, entering calories, and scheduling workout days shouldn't be that difficult but I have a thousand things going on every week and weight loss sort of gets buried.

My meals are somewhat organized. I meal prep lunches and dinner is consistent for the most part. I snack a lot.

Another thing I've noticed is I don't have enough posts on my Reddit feed having to do with weight loss and fitness. It's so much about other parts of my life.

Does anyone know what I'm saying here? Can anyone offer me advice on how to organize my life both digitally and IRL to make weight loss easier? How do you guys stay motivated and on the right track? Basically, how do I take control of my weight loss?

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UPDATE: Lost 58kg in 10 months

So a couple of months ago I made this post https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/bb61ex/lost_58kg_in_10_months/

This is where I showed my progress so far since I started my new lifestyle, a lifestyle which helped me lose 58kg at that time. Well, here I am with a new update.

The update is a happy one, I guess. Since my last post about my weight loss I've managed to lose another 11 kgs, the total of lost kgs being 69.

Things have been great and I'm still working on myself.

Right now I think I've hit a plateau and for the past 2 weeks or so I haven't really managed to lose some more weight or build some muscle mass. I just stagnated.

Of course this doesn't mean that I'm demoralized, it just means I need to be more disciplined and put a little bit more effort.

I've been craving to start going to the gym but I just can't manage the time properly and the money isn't that good either. Initially I was supposed to start hitting the gym with one of my good friends but he told me that he couldn't do it.

I think that's about it with the update. I'll keep you posted in the future about my status.

If you have any questions or you just want to chat, hit me up :)

https://imgur.com/kEGuGmc

Edit: forgot to mention the fact that right now I'm sitting at around 111 kgs, just in case you didn't want to do the math from 180.

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Day 1? Starting your weight loss journey on Sunday, 07 July 2019? Start here!

Today is your Day 1?

Welcome to r/Loseit!

So you aren’t sure of how to start? Don’t worry! “How do I get started?” is our most asked question. r/Loseit has helped our users lose over 1,000,000 recorded pounds and these are the steps that we’ve found most useful for getting started.

Why you’re overweight

Our bodies are amazing (yes, yours too!). In order to survive before supermarkets, we had to be able to store energy to get us through lean times, we store this energy as adipose fat tissue. If you put more energy into your body than it needs, it stores it, for (potential) later use. When you put in less than it needs, it uses the stored energy. The more energy you have stored, the more overweight you are. The trick is to get your body to use the stored energy, which can only be done if you give it less energy than it needs, consistently.

Before You Start

The very first step is calculating your calorie needs. You can do that HERE. This will give you an approximation of your calorie needs for the day. The next step is to figure how quickly you want to lose the fat. One pound of fat is equal to 3500 calories. So to lose 1 pound of fat per week you will need to consume 500 calories less than your TDEE (daily calorie needs from the link above). 750 calories less will result in 1.5 pounds and 1000 calories is an aggressive 2 pounds per week.

Tracking

Here is where it begins to resemble work. The most efficient way to lose the weight you desire is to track your calorie intake. This has gotten much simpler over the years and today it can be done right from your smartphone or computer. r/loseit recommends an app like MyFitnessPal, Loseit! (unaffiliated), or Cronometer. Create an account and be honest with it about your current stats, activities, and goals. This is your tracker and no one else needs to see it so don’t cheat the numbers. You’ll find large user created databases that make logging and tracking your food and drinks easy with just the tap of the screen or the push of a button. We also highly recommend the use of a digital kitchen scale for accuracy. Knowing how much of what you're eating is more important than what you're eating. Why? This may explain it.

Creating Your Deficit

How do you create a deficit? This is up to you. r/loseit has a few recommendations but ultimately that decision is yours. There is no perfect diet for everyone. There is a perfect diet for you and you can create it. You can eat less of exactly what you eat now. If you like pizza you can have pizza. Have 2 slices instead of 4. You can try lower calorie replacements for calorie dense foods. Some of the communities favorites are cauliflower rice, zucchini noodles, spaghetti squash in place of their more calorie rich cousins. If it appeals to you an entire dietary change like Keto, Paleo, Vegetarian.

The most important thing to remember is that this selection of foods works for you. Sustainability is the key to long term weight management success. If you hate what you’re eating you won’t stick to it.

Exercise

Is NOT mandatory. You can lose fat and create a deficit through diet alone. There is no requirement of exercise to lose weight.

It has it’s own benefits though. You will burn extra calories. Exercise is shown to be beneficial to mental health and creates an endorphin rush as well. It makes people feel awesome and has been linked to higher rates of long term success when physical activity is included in lifestyle changes.

Crawl, Walk, Run

It can seem like one needs to make a 180 degree course correction to find success. That isn’t necessarily true. Many of our users find that creating small initial changes that build a foundation allows them to progress forward in even, sustained, increments.

Acceptance

You will struggle. We have all struggled. This is natural. There is no tip or trick to get through this though. We encourage you to recognize why you are struggling and forgive yourself for whatever reason that may be. If you overindulged at your last meal that is ok. You can resolve to make the next meal better.

Do not let the pursuit of perfect get in the way of progress. We don’t need perfect. We just want better.

Additional resources

Now you’re ready to do this. Here are more details, that may help you refine your plan.

• Quick Start Guide - Build your foundation!
• Loseit Compendium - Frame it out!
• FAQ - Answers to our most Frequently Asked Questions!

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