I lost 40 lbs and I'm still the ugly friend

I am so not the one to make posts like this online, however I wanted to see if anyone has been going through a similar issue to me right now. I'm kind of struggling mentally at the moment.

I have always been the ugly friend in comparison to my friends. I have a core group of friends since high school. They are all petite, and about 5 foot, 115 lbs. I have always been 5'6 and hovered around 180-190lb. In high school, I was chubby and anti-social. My friends always got attention from boys, where as I truly never got attention from a single boy once throughout my school journey. Never a passed note, message on Facebook, innocent middle school relationship...nothing. My friends all got asked to prom, where I did not, and did not go.

Fast forward to current day where we are all 27 years old. I have an amazing fiancé who truly is the best ever. He really is the only man to ever show true interest in me though, and that is always in the back of my mind. I recently lost 40 lbs, and am at healthy weight according to BMI. I personally think I have a decent face, and now with my weight loss, a decent body. I also lift weights and have some decent muscle tone. Not amazing or anything but I truly deep down don't think I am ugly. Other girls and woman will tell me I am pretty quite often, and I really appreciate their comments.

However, the attention my friends receive when we are all out at bars or in public is insane. We recently took a girls trip to Florida and went out a bunch. Men come up to them at bars multiple times, buying them drinks, and do not even notice I am there. Men come up to me asking me if my friends are single, and never the other way around. Multiple men in their DM's telling them they are gorgeous. I have NEVER received a DM like this. One of my friends recently posted an Instagram of the four of us. My friend received texts and messages from friends of friends asking if they could be introduced to my two friends. Nothing about me. Two men talked with each of my friends all night and even asked if I could go back to the hotel alone so that they could come over to their house. I felt so unvalued and like an object the whole trip.

Basically, I am struggling with this new chapter in my life. When men never showed me attention before, in the back of my mind I could always lean on "well, you are overweight, that's why". Now that I am no longer overweight and still essentially treated the same, I am developing an obsession with my self image. I have the worst body issues of my entire life, even though I look the best I ever have. I am letting the validation of men control my self worth more than ever, despite having an amazing fiancé who loves me more than anything. I constantly compare myself to my friends petite bodies. I feel myself spiraling down a dark hole of negative self talk. I fixate on the tiniest things with my body and face more than ever. I also think I'm developing an addiction to Botox/filler/plastic surgery. Its often times all I can think about.

Does anyone else relate to this? Feeling even worse about your body image after losing a lot of weight? If so, how are you dealing with it? Are there steps you took that really helped you through this journey? I'm sure therapy is the obvious answer, but any other helpful tips?

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Lost the weight but it has RUINED my social life

Im a youngish guy, 25, and my friends like going out drinking, travelling, going out to eat etc.

This lifestyle made me fat..not them, just me. I also took it too far and drank and ate more than them.

I remember the moment it sunk in for me. I had just eaten a whole pizza and I took a shower at a mates house and he had this huge floor to ceiling bathroom mirror. I knew I had gained weight, I always avoided mirrors, and seeing my disgusting, bloated, flabby body made me physically ill. I was 240 pounds and 5'11. I was so sick of my body and disgusted in myself, I had no confidence anymore and hadn't dated in two years. I lost 80 pounds in 5ish months after that day. I stopped drinking, going out, doing anything really. As you can tell by the stats I didn't eat very much. It was easier because of lockdown. I also took up running and now I run almost every single day.

In the last 2.5 months since I've been maintaining I accidentally lost another 13 pounds so I now weigh 147. I'm happy at this weight but trying to cut the body fat. The issue is my social life is GONE and it makes me sad and lonely. I used to meet up with my friends like 3x a week now it's like once every two weeks.

I can't:

• Go out drinking or clubbing. I end up taking in too many calories from alcohol and then binge eating after too. I can take drugs but when I take drugs I end up drinking anyway. Last time I went out I ate SO MUCH after and it was horrifying seeing how disgustingly fat I looked the next day. One time after a night of drinking (during my weight loss period, after consuming barely any calories during the week) I binge ate like 4000 calories of junk food then made myself puke it up after. It was so disgusting and I looked at myself like what the FUCK are you doing. Haven't done that since

• Go out to eat. I meal prep everything. I don't eat something unless I know the calorie count, with the exception of low calorie salads etc. Even that can backfire– last time I went out to eat with my friends I got a "salad" and this thing had so many extras I got really stressed about the calorie count and could barely eat it and my friends made fun of me (understandably- normal grown men don't cry over salads)

• exercising with friends. You might think I would have fun doing this right?? Nope.. exercise is a solo thing for me. I take it seriously and get in the zone just going as hard as I possibly can and trying to get better and burn fat. I do occasionally enjoy climbing with them though. • order food with them. I get sad about not being able to eat the food and sometimes the temptation is so bad I have to just get up and leave.

•parties. Same as the above really. I had to leave one of my best friends parties last week because even though I was using drugs I wanted to drink so bad and they had loads of pizza and no amount of cocaine was stopping me from wanting to eat it

So basically I have totally isolated myself due to a legitimate fear of weight gain. Having fun isn't compatible with my goals of wanting to be 7% body fat unfortunately. It doesn't even seem to be compatible with maintaining a normal body weight for me. All I do is wake up, meal prep, go for run, work, eat, bed. I get a lot satisfaction from it but I'm not naturally this kind of person and I miss my more fun and carefree side. I never thought I would be the type of person to be weighing out 12 unsalted cashew nuts and stressing over the yolk to whites ratio of my morning egg, but here I am.

I just want to be like some of my friends, able to live their life and somehow stay fit and thin. But for some reason I can't.

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Having trouble figuring out my calorie goal

I’m starting to more closely watch what I eat and continue my weight loss. I gained some back since my lowest weight, but not spiraling out of control or anything.

I thought this would be a good time to recalculate my calorie goal and I just want to make sure I’m setting myself up for success.

I may need to update my flair, but I’m 27M 5’1’’ and about 245lbs. I work a sedentary job but I walk about 2-3 miles per day now (generally 2-3 separate walks of about 1 mile).

I used a TDEE calculator and for sedentary it says 2500 calories, for light exercise it says 2885 calories. Just for reference, it says my BMR is 2000 calories.

I’d like to try to set a pace of losing about 2lbs/week so I think that means my goal should be 1500-1900 calories per day to be in a deficit of 1000 calories/day.

Does this sound reasonable? And would you consider walking 2-3 miles per day “light exercise” or sedentary still?

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Finally, feel like I'm on track (using Ozempic)

I have struggled with my weight since I was 19, tomorrow I turn 36. At my heaviest, I was 140kg (approx 310lb) which was about 2 years ago and so far am down 15kg (33lb), I'm only 5'7 so my goal weight is really about 80kg (175lb). My weight has yoyoed over the years but has been gradually creeping. 2021 was the first year that I can remember where I ended less than I started, but it has been a massive struggle until recently.

After working with my Dr over the past few years around this, she recommended I try Ozempic to get my weight loss moving along as by that stage I had lost around 7kg (15lb). This was in mid-December 2021. Since then (2 months) I've lost a further 8kg and am feeling great! The biggest thing for me is that it actually takes very little willpower (arguably none) as I just can't eat much. My portion sizes have gone down 75% from what they used to be and I'm rarely hungry. I feel like how I think normal people do with food where you eat and then at a point get full and not constantly craving more and serving sizes being so much larger than other people.

At one stage I felt like I was cheating my weight loss journey, but this isn't a competition I'm trying to win, this is about my health and I don't want to be in a constant battle with food. I love food and don't want to feel guilty every time I sit down to eat and constantly fight with my appetite when I diet which destroys my willpower.

I'm not suggesting this medication or any medication to others, but it sure is working well for me and I finally believe that I will be able to get down to my goal weight again and I can't wait to see my scale to drop below 100kg (220lb) for the first time in about 8 years.

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This is my weight loss pledge to you all.

I need accountability to lose weight. Being accountable to myself alone just isn't enough of a motivator....if it was, I would have lost all the weight a REALLY long time ago. Since my boyfriend doesn't really care what my weight is, I'm not close with family, and I have next to no friends (on purpose, it's an anxiety thing, don't judge), and Reddit is my only social media outlet, I decided to be accountable to all of you.

So, my pledge:

I pledge to all of you to lose between 30 - 40 pounds (keeping health and safety in mind at all times) between now and June 21 (first day of summer), at which time I will maintain that weight throughout the summer months. On September 1 (technically not the end of summer, but in East Coast Canada it's pretty much the end of summer) I will again lose more weight to reach my goal of 145 by Christmas.

I think this is doable, right? 30 - 40 pounds in 4 months should bring me down to around 160, then I have 3 months to lose the remaining 20 - 30 pounds.

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Advice on Weight Loss?

Hi everyone!

I'm an 18 years old female, at 65 kg right now and hoping to get down to 57 or 58 kg within the next two months if that would be possible, then, I'll slowly make my way to 54 or 53kg in the following months. I'm hoping to do this in a healthy way so that I can improve my lifestyle and health.

While I am generally a confident person, my body weight has been making me feel quite unhealthy and depressed recently. I know we shouldn't derive confidence from a certain weight, but when I was at that weight 2 years ago, I felt great, healthy, and strong - something I want to experience again.

Also, I'm graduating soon, and I really want to feel good in what I wear and look like, I hope you all understand!!

So currently, I've just started doing circuit training, I did 30 minutes today, and was thinking of doing a less intense workout tomorrow so that im not lifting weights two days in a row. Would it be a good idea for me to work like this? Alternating circuit training with other workouts? Do you guys have recommendations for something that might work better? I'm open to any home workouts, since that's all I have time for.

Also regarding diet, since I'm aware that might matter even more than the exercise - I'm vegetarian, but I have a pretty crappy diet. I eat a lot of unhealthy snacks throughout the day which I need to stop, and definitely will stop to achieve this goal. Do you guys have any ideas for meals and drinks that might be good for weight loss?

Thank you all so much <3

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Fitness classes/programs for obese people

I’m looking for a supportive community and a fitness program for someone like me who’s obese and relatively unskilled. Honestly, I’m very self-conscious, sensitive, and insecure due to childhood bullying. I took a weight loss boot camp a few years ago, and the instructor kept singling me out. I’ve been scared of joining any fitness classes ever since. I wouldn’t say I’m a beginner. I’ve lost 40 lbs on my own through cardio and have the endurance to jog 10 miles nonstop, I’m plateauing terribly and I’m looking for other ways to build my body. I’m very interested in CrossFit, boxing, weight lifting, but I’m just wondering what the culture is like especially for a bigger girl like me. I have a terrible fear of feeling out place or being singled out.

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