I am so not the one to make posts like this online, however I wanted to see if anyone has been going through a similar issue to me right now. I'm kind of struggling mentally at the moment.
I have always been the ugly friend in comparison to my friends. I have a core group of friends since high school. They are all petite, and about 5 foot, 115 lbs. I have always been 5'6 and hovered around 180-190lb. In high school, I was chubby and anti-social. My friends always got attention from boys, where as I truly never got attention from a single boy once throughout my school journey. Never a passed note, message on Facebook, innocent middle school relationship...nothing. My friends all got asked to prom, where I did not, and did not go.
Fast forward to current day where we are all 27 years old. I have an amazing fiancé who truly is the best ever. He really is the only man to ever show true interest in me though, and that is always in the back of my mind. I recently lost 40 lbs, and am at healthy weight according to BMI. I personally think I have a decent face, and now with my weight loss, a decent body. I also lift weights and have some decent muscle tone. Not amazing or anything but I truly deep down don't think I am ugly. Other girls and woman will tell me I am pretty quite often, and I really appreciate their comments.
However, the attention my friends receive when we are all out at bars or in public is insane. We recently took a girls trip to Florida and went out a bunch. Men come up to them at bars multiple times, buying them drinks, and do not even notice I am there. Men come up to me asking me if my friends are single, and never the other way around. Multiple men in their DM's telling them they are gorgeous. I have NEVER received a DM like this. One of my friends recently posted an Instagram of the four of us. My friend received texts and messages from friends of friends asking if they could be introduced to my two friends. Nothing about me. Two men talked with each of my friends all night and even asked if I could go back to the hotel alone so that they could come over to their house. I felt so unvalued and like an object the whole trip.
Basically, I am struggling with this new chapter in my life. When men never showed me attention before, in the back of my mind I could always lean on "well, you are overweight, that's why". Now that I am no longer overweight and still essentially treated the same, I am developing an obsession with my self image. I have the worst body issues of my entire life, even though I look the best I ever have. I am letting the validation of men control my self worth more than ever, despite having an amazing fiancé who loves me more than anything. I constantly compare myself to my friends petite bodies. I feel myself spiraling down a dark hole of negative self talk. I fixate on the tiniest things with my body and face more than ever. I also think I'm developing an addiction to Botox/filler/plastic surgery. Its often times all I can think about.
Does anyone else relate to this? Feeling even worse about your body image after losing a lot of weight? If so, how are you dealing with it? Are there steps you took that really helped you through this journey? I'm sure therapy is the obvious answer, but any other helpful tips?
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