I was feeling completely stuck. I’d gone from sedentary to frequently bedridden. Between chronic illness and obesity, I would find myself too depressed and sore to move, and then increasingly depressed and sore because I wasn’t moving. It was a horrible cycle that just kept getting worse.
I’m sure many of you can relate.
I can’t count how many times I attempted weight loss and/or fitness programs. I would get a surge of motivation, way overdo it, and then crash. I wasn’t being realistic about what I was physically and mentally capable of. I had an all-or-nothing mindset. Until this January.
I sat down at the dining room table with a big piece of paper, a ruler, and some brightly coloured markers. I drew a massive grid of 240 little squares. I felt like a third grade teacher preparing a project for her students.
I taped it to the wall, placed a little packet of stickers next to it, and began.
To “earn” a sticker for the day, all I have to do is walk five intentional minutes. Easier said than done when you are depressed, obese, and chronically deconditioned. Day 3, my knee hurt so badly, I walked slow laps around the outside of my house.
Up went a sticker.
Day 5, I completely forgot, so I did five slow minutes on the stationary bike at 11:55pm and forgave myself.
Up went a sticker.
Most days I walk down a hill from my front door, turn around, and huff slowly back up it. Sometimes I’m in slippers. Sometimes I literally put a coat on over my pyjamas. Sometimes I wear sunglasses because I have a migraine. I just do what I need to do to do it.
Day 20, I noticed a neighbour watching from her porch. I blurted out the story of my wall chart, red-faced with embarrassment and with the effort it was taking to walk back up the hill. She cheered me on.
I’ve felt a little more pep in my step since that encounter. Did I mention I’m lugging around 90 extra pounds?
Notably, I now look forward to my walks. Sometimes I go for a second later in the day, even though I’ve already earned my sticker. In the evenings, I feel my legs start to dance a little as I settle in front of the TV. Energy stirs. Yesterday I tackled a cluttered corner of the house that’s haunted me for years. Rather than boiling up and over and putting out the flame, hope is simmering in me. Slowly. Steadily.
For the first time in forever, I look forward to the next four weeks.
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