I’m a 29 year old, 5’0 fairly sedentary woman. In April, I was my highest weight ever - 231 lbs. I’m not entirely sure how or why it happened, but I had a sudden burst of motivation and I got my shit together. For seven months I was able to do lazy CICO (1200-1500 cal/day). I’ve never had willpower before but suddenly I had it. I could have ONE McDouble Cheeseburger and small fry, I could actually put away the cookies after a serving size (or two if I had the extra calories lol). It was almost too easy.
By November I had dropped to my lowest adult weight - 181 lbs. Physically, I felt great. I wasn’t as exhausted as usual, I was thoroughly enjoying longer and longer walks with my dog, the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment were a breeze. But my mental health took a big hit. I didn’t have food as a crutch anymore and when I did eat something “bad” it gave me no joy. I started becoming depressed. I tried so hard to fill the hole food had left but I was struggling. The more weight I lost, the less I cared, and the harder it was to get out of bed every morning.
I decided to take December off of logging. I was gonna eat what I wanted, within reason of course, and keep my diet changes (minimum dairy, more veggies, no rice, no soda). I started feeling better. But December turned into January, and then February, and will soon be March…
This morning I’m back up to 192 lbs and I’m so disappointed with myself. I did so well for 7 months, but I lost it for 3 now and I don’t know how to get back to the original motivated mindset I was in. I’m a little grateful I’ve only gained 11 lbs back but I swore I’d never see 200 again and I’m inching my way back there.
I don’t know what to do. I feel so lost. I’ve told myself every day that I’ll get back to it tomorrow, but then I don’t. I’m not even trying right now, just giving myself empty promises. I’m frustrated, I’m disappointed, I’m angry, and I’m unbelievably sad.
Gonna start looking into therapy on Monday and hopefully while I work on my mental health, I can get back to bettering my physical health.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to put my thoughts somewhere.
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