Im a youngish guy, 25, and my friends like going out drinking, travelling, going out to eat etc.
This lifestyle made me fat..not them, just me. I also took it too far and drank and ate more than them.
I remember the moment it sunk in for me. I had just eaten a whole pizza and I took a shower at a mates house and he had this huge floor to ceiling bathroom mirror. I knew I had gained weight, I always avoided mirrors, and seeing my disgusting, bloated, flabby body made me physically ill. I was 240 pounds and 5'11. I was so sick of my body and disgusted in myself, I had no confidence anymore and hadn't dated in two years. I lost 80 pounds in 5ish months after that day. I stopped drinking, going out, doing anything really. As you can tell by the stats I didn't eat very much. It was easier because of lockdown. I also took up running and now I run almost every single day.
In the last 2.5 months since I've been maintaining I accidentally lost another 13 pounds so I now weigh 147. I'm happy at this weight but trying to cut the body fat. The issue is my social life is GONE and it makes me sad and lonely. I used to meet up with my friends like 3x a week now it's like once every two weeks.
I can't:
• Go out drinking or clubbing. I end up taking in too many calories from alcohol and then binge eating after too. I can take drugs but when I take drugs I end up drinking anyway. Last time I went out I ate SO MUCH after and it was horrifying seeing how disgustingly fat I looked the next day. One time after a night of drinking (during my weight loss period, after consuming barely any calories during the week) I binge ate like 4000 calories of junk food then made myself puke it up after. It was so disgusting and I looked at myself like what the FUCK are you doing. Haven't done that since
• Go out to eat. I meal prep everything. I don't eat something unless I know the calorie count, with the exception of low calorie salads etc. Even that can backfire– last time I went out to eat with my friends I got a "salad" and this thing had so many extras I got really stressed about the calorie count and could barely eat it and my friends made fun of me (understandably- normal grown men don't cry over salads)
• exercising with friends. You might think I would have fun doing this right?? Nope.. exercise is a solo thing for me. I take it seriously and get in the zone just going as hard as I possibly can and trying to get better and burn fat. I do occasionally enjoy climbing with them though. • order food with them. I get sad about not being able to eat the food and sometimes the temptation is so bad I have to just get up and leave.
•parties. Same as the above really. I had to leave one of my best friends parties last week because even though I was using drugs I wanted to drink so bad and they had loads of pizza and no amount of cocaine was stopping me from wanting to eat it
So basically I have totally isolated myself due to a legitimate fear of weight gain. Having fun isn't compatible with my goals of wanting to be 7% body fat unfortunately. It doesn't even seem to be compatible with maintaining a normal body weight for me. All I do is wake up, meal prep, go for run, work, eat, bed. I get a lot satisfaction from it but I'm not naturally this kind of person and I miss my more fun and carefree side. I never thought I would be the type of person to be weighing out 12 unsalted cashew nuts and stressing over the yolk to whites ratio of my morning egg, but here I am.
I just want to be like some of my friends, able to live their life and somehow stay fit and thin. But for some reason I can't.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/MtwBTPE
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