Advice on talking to my overweight/obese partner about healthy habits before having kids?

My gf has, on occasion, opened up about how she wants to be healthier, lose weight, etc. I say "on occasion" not because it's something she doesn't care about, but because it's really hard for her to be vulnerable about those things as she already has such a shame- and guilt-oriented mind. She also has ADHD (diagnosed & medicated) so that makes this even more challenging for her.

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We're both excited to get to a point where we can get married and have kids, but because I know how she feels about her body and her desire to be more fit and healthier (and of course my desire for that for both of us), I'd like to really make good progress together before we have kids. I'm sure pregnancy itself takes a massive toll on a woman's body, along with everything else new parents have to deal with, so in my mind healthy habits really should be in place before getting pregnant, because it only gets harder to find the time and energy for healthy eating and exercise. I also don't want her to become unhealthy when pregnant due to her weight, so going into the pregnancy from a healthy spot would be great. I really love her and want to do the work now so we can both be healthy and happy for each other and for our future kids.

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I'd like to bring this up with her and talk about it more, especially in the context of our plans to have kids, but I know how hard it is for her to discuss these things because of how much shame she feels around it. I'm looking for advice from people who are/were in her position, and trying to get an idea of how you would want your partner to talk about this with you.

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We go to the gym together (albeit inconsistently). I try to lift in the morning, and then after work we go to the gym for 20 minutes of cardio (me on the bike, her walking on the treadmill). I know that exercise != weight loss, but it's easier for her to focus on being "healthier" rather than "losing weight", so I try my best to encourage her, even when the robot part of my brain is screaming "this isn't the best way to do it!" Me and her have very different brains, hence this post asking for advice from people who relate to her more.

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Tips to stick to it

Hello! Simply wanted to share the tips I have learned along the way and welcome any others that you have in order to stick to your diet/weight loss

*what works for me, not universal advice!

•weighting myself everyday ( might not be for everyone, it keeps me accountable and takes out the emotional side of it when you have accurate data to adjust along the way, hence better result and motivates me to keep going )

•apps to track ( water, food, steps ) I see it as a game where I have to hit all my targets for the day

•every night at 7pm, I set a reminder of my goal that pops up on my phone, which is when I tend to be less on my A game

•no snacks in my house

•I enter in advance what I will eat the night before or morning of, that what I fully enjoy my calories, less choice making and I am satisfied at the end of the day.

•protein ; as a woman, calories aren't too high and it really helps keeping me full.

•little prizes lol, everytime I hit a weight loss milestone (5-10lbs) I reward myself with something that is not related to food. Helps to deconstruct eating when I am happy/sad,,

•Self-love! Might sound unrelated, but realizing stuffing my face with whatever is in sight is not self-love. Loving myself at every stage of this journey is key. Also, I love to research fun low-cal recipes to satisfy whatever craving I have at the moment.

I noticed that when it comes from love instead of hate for my body, I am much more consistent.

Share if you have any other fun tips surrounding dieting. 🤍

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Lose it app - lifetime subscription worth it?

Hi all

I’m new to my weight loss journey. I saw many of you like the LoseIt app. I tried a few free apps including Lose It, and was pretty happy with the basic plan… but they offered me premium for $1/month so I went for it.

I like the premium features of scanning food items and being able to track my water intake and other goals. So I think for $1/month is worth while.

My question for the group though, how many of you would go for a lifetime membership if it were offered? In other words, how many of you find the process takes over a year, and/or go back to calorie counting and tracking over a few years? I could see it being fairly common and so a lifetime membership may be worthwhile.

Those with a lifetime membership do you recall how much you spent on it? I want to look for the best deal.

Hoping this gets me past the word count minimum, as several of my previous post attempts too short. :)

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Intuitive eating and mental illness (longer rant)

Hi all,

Just joined this sub and am hoping to find some healthy and nuanced support on my journey. My (33F) wife got sober from alcohol in 2023 and it was so inspiring to me that I decided to try starting 1/1, especially since I am going to start trying to get pregnant later this year and I really want to be my healthiest for that process. But alcohol has only been part of the problem for me.

I've had an effed up relationship with food for most of my life, had disordered eating in jr high/high school and spent years doing low carb, Whole 30, paleo, vegan whatever with my weight always fluctuating between like 130-180 (I'm 5'4" for reference). I did get really into yoga and general fitness a few years ago, which has been great for my mental health, and I built a ton of muscle so I know some of that fluctuation has to do with muscle gain, but not all.

What really threw off my journey was intuitive eating, though. Around mid-quarantine as more people were struggling with their drinking and eating habits staying home all the time I feel like there was this huge proliferation of intuitive eating content online and it seemed like a really appealing thing to me after so many years of trying all these diets. And one thing I will say positively about intuitive eating is I feel like trying it did help me to take the morality away from foods in terms of looking at them as "good" and "bad" but all of them are just foods I can make choices about, which is good.

I am also a very social justice minded person and I feel like I got sucked in by the anti-diet rhetoric that says any intentional weight loss for any reason ever is fatphobic and contributing to the harm, discrimination and even potentially the death of larger people everywhere, and all intentional weight loss is inherently rooted in some kind of systemic bigotry and oppression.

The trouble is, I am diagnosed bipolar and likely also autistic, and have been on mood stabilizers, anti-convulsants, and briefly anti-psychotics since 2018. I am stable and have only had a couple of manic episodes since then, and between medication and therapy and healthy exercise habits I am fine most of the time, which I am thankful for. But the whole "listen to your body" thing literally doesn't work for me and I don't think it is a very trauma-informed approach more broadly. Those of us with severe mental illness or trauma have bodies that tell us to do all kinds of unhealthy, ill-advised and in some cases even toxic things, and a big part of learning to live with mental illness is learning how to honor your body and its cues/needs without necessarily doing what it says all the time. I literally have to be on medication 24/7 in order to have any semblance of a "normal" relationship with my body.

So in the last year and a half between my attempts at intuitive eating and a medication switch I had to do in September 2022, I have gained about 30-40 pounds and I hate it. I stepped on the scale yesterday and it was 179 lbs. My back is hurting more, I am losing flexibility in yoga, and half of the clothes I love no longer fit. Again, I've gained some muscle, but that is only a portion of it. Starting this year off being newly sober has motivated me to be the healthiest I can be and I am realizing that some amount of discipline around my food intake needs to happen. Not into fad diets anymore but I do want moderation/portion control and less processed foods. I feel my healthiest around 140/150 and I want to set myself up for success especially since I know my body will inherently change through and after pregnancy.

I feel like there are going to be people who say I wasn't "doing intuitive eating right" but I was following it as best I could, I read all the books, all the IG accounts, etc. My body just literally has a condition where it does not send me the right signals sometimes, especially when it comes to mood regulation of which food is a huge part. The medication helps but that is the condition I will live with for the rest of my life and unfortunately "listening to my body" is not always a good idea for me. And I don't say that to talk negatively about myself, I love myself. It's just the truth.

Anyway… I guess I'm hoping maybe someone else has had the experience of being a person with mental illness/trauma and gaining a butt ton of weight via intuitive eating, and then figuring out how to recover from that and lose it without falling prey to disordered eating and fad diets? I'm not trying to expect too much of myself being newly sober and all, but I want to capitalize on this momentum start really taking care of my body for the long haul.

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My 12 tips for eating more fruit and veg (which is one of my weight loss resolutions every new year lol)

30F 5”6 / SW: 184.7, CW: 161.6, GW: 145

It’s no secret that fruits and vegetables are key to a healthy diet, and including them in your diet can help aid weight loss with satiating fibre and volume, but it’s not always easy to incorporate them, especially when you’re not used to eating a lot of produce or haven’t found exactly what you like. I wanted to share some tips that have helped me eat more fruit and veg, particularly while dealing with depression, but I’d like to preface this by saying that I know some of these might be controversial as we’re in a weight loss sub and some tips involve adding significant calories to fruit and veg. This is because I believe enjoyment and satiety are key to long-lasting weight loss success, and by having extra calories with a fibre- and nutrient-dense fruit or vegetable in the moment, I’ve found I’m much less likely to binge later on than if I’d restricted myself. That binge is usually way more calories than if I’d let myself have the peanut butter with the apple, or cheese on the cauliflower!

1. First, let go of any shame or negativity towards “imperfect” food. Frozen veg has been proven to be just as (if not more) nutrient-dense than the stuff in the fresh aisle because of the preserving effects of freezing once they’ve been picked at peak season. Martha Stewart would probably rather eat organic raw carrots picked from the finest soil than a tin of peaches, but what’s better when you’re feeling low? The easy tin of peaches you actually eat, or the carrots it felt overwhelming to peel and chop and cook, that go spoiled and uneaten in the back of your fridge? Don’t be so hard on yourself, and don’t discount that every little helps.

2. Identify your “lowest effort” fruit and veg, and always have this on hand. I don’t always have the motivation or energy to tackle cooking a butternut squash, but it’s pretty easy for me to throw some frozen carrots in the microwave, so I keep a bag in the freezer. There are always bananas in my fruit bowl because they require no washing or chopping unlike some other fruit, which I love, but can’t always handle. Make a list of the fruit and veg you enjoy, and score them 1-3. 1 is grab and go, 2 is a little bit of prep, and 3 is a real effort in the kitchen. Everybody’s list will be different. Try to keep your 1s on deck as failsafe options, and even better if you can vary the colour or rotate options of the same colour to get that variety in.

3. Line your plate or bowl with spinach. I wish I could remember the YouTube video I learned this from! Basically whenever you reheat leftovers, put a handful of spinach in your bowl first, then the food on top, and let the spinach wilt as you reheat. It works especially great with pastas and curries.

4. Turn your fruit savoury! Chaat masala and Tajin are two popular seasonings for fruit. Sometimes you know you “should” have some fruit that day but the sweetness isn’t as appealing. Who says it can’t have a savoury twist? Chilli, salt and lime are great on fruit, especially bananas, apples, mangoes and melons.

5. Make your veg the star of the show. I fall into the routine of having meat/fish, potatoes, and steamed green beans or broccoli quite often. If you can relate to always cooking your veg the same way, commit one mealtime to using a completely new recipe for that veg, with different cooking methods and seasonings than you’ve ever used. When you put more attention and care into your veg prep, it becomes more exciting to eat!

6. For dessert, take inspiration from fruit-based desserts. These are tried and true combinations that work great for a reason. Add chocolate chips and chopped nuts to a banana. Dates give a lovely toffee-like note for banoffee vibes, and bonus, that’s another serving of fruit! Add apple pie spices to your apples. Dark chocolate for a Black Forest gateaux vibe to your tub of cherries.

7. Vegetable utensils! This might be a weird one haha, but on days where I realise I’ve barely eaten any veg, I’ll cut a carrot or cucumber in half lengthwise (or whatever fraction gets it to the right thickness), roughly hollow it by cutting a V or U shape out the new flat side, and use that to scoop my dinner like a spoon. Of course, this only works with scoopable dinners, like curry on rice! And you look a bit silly lol, but it’s nice to have a crunch with each bite and it doesn’t require any cooking. The divot in celery works perfectly for this. Alternatively, you can also slice veg into smaller pieces and use them to scoop up your rice-based dinners like using chips for dip.

8. “Something you want, and something you need”. This is one of my favourite healthy eating mottos. If you want to treat yourself by having the chocolate, but berate yourself for not eating the tangerine instead, have both - the something you want AND the something you need. Soon enough you might even start associating fruit and veg with the food you already love, and it doesn’t seem as strange to reach for it when you want a snack. It’s a win-win; the treat food you were weary of now has added fibre and nutrients, the fruit or veg you didn’t want now comes with something fun, and you’re satisfied both physically and emotionally so less likely to binge if you find yourself prone to that, by having just one of the two.

9. The little things add up. Don’t discount the value of the little bits of fruit and veg scattered to your meals, even if they seem negligible because they’re not full 80g portions. The salad leaves added to your sandwich don’t count for nothing, the few slices of tomato you add to your cheese on crackers don’t count for nothing. These little additions of fruit and veg are still valuable fibre than the alternative of just not having them, and they normalise incorporating produce into your diet.

10. Find your favourite go-to “everything but the kitchen sink” scrap recipes. Omelettes and soups are great ways of using up leftover veg. Any vegetable tastes amazing in a potato fritter!

11. Mindless snacking. I’m a huge snacker, and found I often don’t even really register what I’m snacking on while I’m focused on something like work, or a tv show. If you can relate, take advantage by using those moments to get in your fruit and veg. I have a small tub of cherry tomatoes on my desk while answering emails at work. I’m focused on my job, I don’t have the attention to give to a treat food I’d much rather be able to focus on and enjoy, so might as well sneak some veg in mindlessly!

12. Experiment with how you chop fruit and vegetables. It might seem insignificant but cutting fruit and vegetables differently to the usual sticks and round coins can make them way more fun to eat, and give the added benefit of extra surface area for flavourful dressings, for example with spiralised cucumbers or grated carrots. If a salad of diced veg feels boring, try using a peeler to slice carrots and cucumber into ribbons, and eat them like noodles.

I’m definitely eating more fruit and veg than when I started my weight loss journey but sometimes I still find myself getting home from work in the evening and realising I’ve barely had any! I would love to hear everyone else’s favourite tips and suggestions for eating more!

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Is it okay to eat the same things everyday?

30f and I’ve recently started my weight loss journey to lose 80 pounds. I have a lot of food aversions and I’m very picky. I’ve really tried and spent a ton of money trying different foods and recipes and forcing myself to try to eat things I don’t like but I’m over it. I literally eat the same meals and snacks every single day. And I have no problem with it. I know exactly how many calories I’m eating, I know I’m hitting my protein and other goals, and I’m saving a lot of money. But I’ve read that eating the same things isn’t healthy because you’re missing a lot of vitamins and nutrients from other foods? Is that true? I want to be as healthy as I can and lose this weight, but I also don’t want to go insane or feel sick all the time eating stuff I don’t want to. Or keep wasting money trying stuff. Does anyone else eat the same stuff?

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Worried if I’m successful with reduced calories and tracking, I will always have to do that after reaching my goal weight

Research shows your metabolism can change if you eat reduced calories for long periods of weight loss. Most people who stop tracking and eat more calories (maintenance level) often start to gain back the weight.

Currently I’ve been tracking and eating around 1700 calories per day and my weight loss is up and down at weekly weigh-ins and I only lost about 1-2lbs in the last few months of f last year.

I want to switch things up this year and have better weight loss but I’m worried. In the past, 1500 calories per day with exercise allows me to have a nice steady weight loss trajectory of about 1 pound per week.

If I maintain this amount like I plan to could it lead to never being able to eat more than that after I reach my goal weight? Will I always have to track?

Is this even a valid concern to have allow to hold me back?

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