I'm 3LBS away from my final goal, but I'm still battling with body dysmorphia (just an explosion of feelings I needed to get out)

Trigger warning: body dysmorphia

I am dealing with a lot of conflicting ideas in my own head. Am I a horrible person for feeling better about myself because I'm an average weight and size? Am I doing this for myself or because of the society we're in? Does it make me a horrible body positivity advocate for me to do this?

I rejected even thinking seriously about weight loss for most of my adulthood. Annually, I would declare as a new years resolution that I would lose weight. That's what people expected to hear. Then I would go on as I did and nothing would change.

I did my best to love myself as someone who spent most of her adulthood 250+ pounds. Even now I'm not sharing my largest weight because I'm still embarrassed of it. I am so thankful for the fat acceptance and body positivity movement. I actually don't think I'd be here if it didn't exist. A lot of things contributed to my depression but my size and eating habits didn't help. Loving yourself in theory is much different than loving yourself in practice.

It's fucking hard.

In 2018 I was flying home for the holidays after the elections in Virginia, and the recount in Florida. Plane seats had never been comfortable for me but this was the first time i had to ask for a seat belt extender. I recall the feeling of humiliation vividly. I decided then something had to change.

And something did. One decision after another, and eventually the pounds started falling off. I recognize without a doubt that I am happier and healthier than I was two years ago. I have more energy. I enjoy life more. I also have a lot of anxiety around weighing in every morning and if i'm eating too many "bad" foods. I'm trying to change my mindset, but in my head I'm still a fat person and I'm too frightened to go back.

But I've also noticed other things. More attention ( positive or negative ) from men, other people noticing you more, being able to shop without going to a specialized store. Those things are bullshit. No ones value should be determined by their weight. All this is to say, our relationships with our bodies are complicated but don't let society attribute value to them.

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800 Days of Lazy Weight Loss

800 days ago I (5'6, F, 30's) downloaded MyFitnessPal and in those 800 days, I've lost 111 pounds from 272 to 161. I've also refused, for the most part, to make any drastic changes.

Sometimes I exercise but mostly I don't. Covid has made me very depressed and exercise when I'm depressed makes me feel worse. I enjoy weight lifting and hope to get back one day, but I usually only did 45 minutes twice a week.

I drink an absurd amount of soda. I did switch from Coke to Pepsi Zero for the sake of my calories but I drink a LOT of it and plan to continue doing so. I like it and it doesn't hurt.

We still eat pizza, fast food and cake, the Big Three of calorie density. We don't do it on a whim anymore. Stuff like that is carefully planned for. But it's still part of our lives.

I swapped out most high calorie sinks for lower calorie ones. Extra lean beef instead of lean. Low fat mayo instead of regular. Homemade desserts with sweetener instead of chocolate bars and store cakes. Less butter, cheese and oil overall.

But otherwise I eat basically all the same stuff. I haven't done much beyond counting it all and keeping myself to 1500-1600 calories a day.

I have been extremely lazy about weight loss and still dropped over 100 lbs in 800 days.

CICO works whether you run at it hard, or meander at it weakly.

You don't have to be perfect. Trust the process.

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Weightloss Existential Crisis?

I've been learning about weightloss for over a year on reddit, youtube, and general internet searching. I have been intermittently (I tracked daily for 6 months last year but stopped around the holidays) tracking my food and trying to be more active, but I haven't been successful at losing weight because I cannot stick to a reasonable number of calories per day. I started off at 1650 calories/day which was difficult to stick to. Generally I did well Monday thru Thursday, then promptly fell off the wagon Friday night until Monday morning. Rinse and repeat. Still haven't figured that one out. I'm an emotional eater and I binge eat, I have terrible coping skills of using weed/alcohol/food to deal with stress and other problems in my life. After the holidays I tried again, but I haven't been able to stick to a restricted calorie diet since last year. I tried bumping my calories to 1850 (which is approximately how many someone at my goal weight of 155 would eat to maintain their weight) but I keep going over that too. I am at the point now where I feel hopeless because I am trying to do this the right way but it feels impossible. I've never spent this much time focused on anything and still been a failure, just isn't how things go for me, usually.

I try to pick low calorie dense foods, but I'm still hungry all the time it seems. I hate being hungry, I can't focus on my work, I shake, I get nauseous, it's awful. I am hypothyroid and was retested recently, my numbers were in the normal range but my thyroid hormones have steadily declined for the last 3 years so I'm wondering if that could be contributing? I went to my doctor to talk about weight loss and they gave me a printout of the food pyramid and a list of apps like MyFitnessPal which I'm already using... That was a huge disappointment. I'm also in therapy but it hasn't really helped yet with sticking to my plan. My therapist just wants me to get back in the habit of tracking food but it feels pointless if I'm going over everyday despite my best efforts. I can't even picture a life of only eating 1800 calories day/on average. It doesn't seem sustainable. It's so much work to manage too.

I don't really know why I'm posting this but I just figured I should put my thoughts out there and see if anyone else has struggled with this and maybe has some advice.

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Slow & Steady Wins the Race (1.5 years of progress)

Stats: 5'2, 37F, 141 --> 110ish

Tale as old as time: I had some babies and took a long hiatus from my love of running, and as a result, gained a bunch of weight, especially after Kid #2.

Some takeaways:

1) Start small. You always set yourself up for failure if you jump in and try to workout every day for an hour and overhaul your diet. Pick one thing and just focus on making that change - whether it's working out for 10 minutes, 3x a week (what I started with), or swapping out your afternoon chips for carrots. Even now, if I'm not feeling a workout, I'll tell myself to just do 10 minutes - and inevitably, I just do the whole workout because I've built the momentum.

2) Get rid of all-or-nothing thinking. Someone once said to me, if you found a flat tire on your car, would you slash the other 3 tires? It used to be that if I ate a cookie or donut, I would immediately say fuck it, and spiral into blowing the entire day. Now I build a lot more flexibility into my diet and also don't stress about it too much, and just get back on track the next day. I live and die by the 80/20 rule, which means 80% of my diet is whole foods (vegetables, lean protein, fruit, complex carbs, healthy fats, etc.) but I live in a large city and there are SO many good restaurants and cafes all around, and there is just no way I am giving up my donuts.

3) It's been said here before, but weight loss is NOT linear. Don't miss the forest for the trees. If you take a narrow snapshot of my progress, it looks like this. If you zoom out, it looks like this. Your weight will fluctuate, you will plateau. It's NORMAL. Stick with it.

4) Move more. I know for pure weight loss, you don't need to exercise. But it's SOOOOOOO good for you. It helped me tremendously mentally, in feeling strong, feeling capable, feeling good about my body. I feel so grateful for the privilege to be able to move my body freely the way I want to, to have the energy and strength to smoke my kids in a footrace and chase them around the park. Having athletic goals (i.e. be able to do 10 pushups or 5 pull-ups or run a certain mileage or pace) helped me take the focus off every single calorie and the number on the scale, and more on how I was/am feeling and how my body is performing.

5) It's not a race. You don't get a medal for losing weight any faster. The only thing waiting for you at the end of this journey is the reality that you're going to have to maintain whatever you were doing FOREVER (with the addition of a few extra calories). You don't hit your goal weight and then go back to your old habits and old life. So whatever you are doing to get there, make sure it's sustainable for the rest of your life. It took me almost an entire year and a half to lose 30 pounds.

Right now, I'm maintaining and I've stopped tracking calories. I eat when I'm hungry, I try to eat whole foods and prioritize protein, but sometimes I'll smash a pint of Ben & Jerry's at night. I'd estimate that I'm probably eating around 1900-2200 daily, probably a bit more on the weekends since that's usually when we eat out or get takeout. As with all the other progress posts here, I'm not special and there's no reason anyone else can't do this, but it's not glamorous and there's no secret sauce, it's boring and tedious and you just have to put your head down and grind it out.

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Mindfulness and Weight loss. M33, 6'2, SW 291, CW 288.1, GW 199

I have been big my entire life but from my early 20's (when I lost over 100 lbs) until last year I never got over 250 and mostly hovered around 230. Yesterday, after a month of procrastination I got back on the scale and saw 291. It was a gut punch but not totally surprising. At first I felt terrible about myself but I decided to take a methodical and mindful approach this time around. I gridded out a calendar spreadsheet and nailed it to the wall in front of my scale to record my weight every day (no more avoiding the scale) and am going back into intermittent fasting which I have done before without sticking with it for more than a week or so. I am going to try 20:4 this first week to see how I do. With that short feeding window I hope to focus on deliberate eating without cutting everything out (will still eat pizza if it falls in the 4 hour feeding window). I am hoping that by inhabiting the present through the habits of weighing in, fasting and working out I will be less tempted to look forward to a future me that has achieved my goal weight of 199 lbs. Weight loss is hard but I am hoping to enjoy it this time around and really build good habits to take along for the rest of my life.

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I am 500lbs, constantly in pain and missing out on life. Please help me.

The last time I weighed myself (a year or so ago at a hospital) I was 486lbs. and can feel that I've put on weight since, so I'm just going to call it 500lbs., though it might actually be even more by now.

I was always the fat kid growing up, and was always made to feel it. Self-consciousness was around as far back as I can remember- I was skipping swim and gym classes from a very young age. I never had a set group of friends growing up and would always drift from one group to the next, always conforming to what I thought the others wanted of me, instead of letting my own self shine. This was a very dangerous thing for a young kid to do, because it got to the point where I lost my own voice while trying to appease everyone around me. My own inner-dialogue became tainted.

So for a long time I knew the psychological component of being morbidly obese was catastrophic on my ego and development, but was thankful to at least not have any major physical issues (short of excessive sweating and running out of breath more easily)... but now, in my 31st year, that has really started to catch up with me, and suddenly I'm in all sorts of horrible pain every day which I think the majority of humans would have a very hard time tolerating. The pain is all over, but most notably in my hips, legs, and chest. I absolutely hate walking and just cannot bring myself to do it, because after a couple short minutes I get severe leg pain... and that's even with my $500 custom orthotics which I recently got... they must be a scam, or perhaps I was just expecting far too much of them (thought walking would hurt less with them). As much as I hate walking and as painful as it is, nighttime is the worst lately. Bed/sleep used to be my one respite from my aching days, but the past couple months it has become the bane of my days. It is the time when both my various physical ailments as well as psychological distress gang up on me. So what I do is just stare into my phone for hours and hours until I'm too physically drained to stay awake another moment longer. But the sleep is of extremely poor quality and very short-lived, for I'm awake usually no more than 2-3 hours later usually due to extreme pain around my gut/ribs and shoulder, or due to difficulty breathing. I eventually get back to sleep for another couple hours and then spend the day like a zombie, hardly waiting for the next moment I get to lay down.

I've posted under various subreddit's over the years using various accounts, either just venting or trying to get help. I was in very expensive therapy for three years, but didn't take anything away, other than the realization that all the fixes to all of our issues are entirely within ourselves... it's just up to use to actually do something with this realization. Easier said than done of course. I've posted in this sub and the intermittent fasting one several times before, each time with more conviction than the last, saying this time I'm really finally ready. But I think this time it's really, finally, for real... because I simply cannot continue living with these constant aches and pains, which aren't just small ones I can overlook, but rather substantial ones, which, again, I think majority of people would simply not be able to live with. I am not a functional human. I have no job, no sex life (never did), no movement (I'm sedentary), and any hopes/dreams/ambitions I once had left me a long time ago. I always thought I had all the time in the world to get in shape and start living my life, but life just flies by so fucking quickly and does an excellent job at humbling you. I missed out on so many birthright moments growing up and missed seizing the best years of my life which I'll never be able to regain. There's no time machine yet.

I am ready for this. I just have no idea where to begin. I am hoping you might be able to help me.

I've seen a couple doctors already this year for some health issues I was having, but we never really talked about weight loss (other than one of them suggesting bariatric surgery, which I don't want to do- I am intent on doing it "naturally"). I don't want you folks to tell me to talk to a doctor first or anything, because I won't. I just want to get started immediately. I fucking love food and spend so much of my time looking forward to what hyped up new restaurant I'll try next, or which favourite restaurant I'll get my next meal from, etc. I do have a penchant for sodas, but am a lot lot better than I used to be (will have maybe 2-3 a week now vs 2-3 a day before... but mostly drink water). Of course I'm aware even those 2-3 a week will have to go- frankly, that's not much of a concern for me right now. My one big concern is the exercise which I know will be necessary. I'm so heavy that the smallest exertion of energy really takes everything out of me, and I hate being in pain so much. No pain, no gain, I know... Should I just take painkillers or something to get past it? Because I'd seriously consider that just so that I don't feel the pain, which is already so great even when I'm resting.

Please just help me. Tell me what to do. I'm guessing it'll have to start with diet, and that's great- I'm ready.

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Exactly 1 year later

Stats: M, 25Y, 5'8

So I normally have always struggled with self esteem issues and just generally putting myself out there, and after I decided to try and get in shape, I made a challenge to myself that I'd make a post on here after one year of progress because this subreddit is a very welcoming and positive place so I figured I should try and share in the hopes that maybe it might help someone else out as others posts have helped me out.

This is a before picture taken on the day I decided to start losing weight. My heaviest at 114 kg or 251 lbs on 2nd June after the first time I ever consciously and willingly chose to engage in exercise. And this is today's picture, at 82 kg or 180.7 lbs. [Apologies on the picture quality on the second pic, my old phone broke and I went a little cheap on the replacement]

Motivation and Regimen: So I'm not gonna go too deep into it but I was obese for most of my life and I was probably at my heaviest around the time in the before picture. I was going through a lot of personal issues and once I started to move past it was when I started to plan for the future and I did not want to stay this weight for said future. Literally just decided "you know what, I'm gonna lose weight from tomorrow". I was lucky in that I had a support structure at home to make sure that I was eating healthy and I even had an elliptical machine at home in my sibling's old room. I used to have can of soda or two literally every day and on 2nd June, I just quit cold turkey. Went like 2 months before I had another soda lol, and it didn't even taste as satisfying as I expected. I still have sodas from time to time but we're talking once or MAYBE twice in one week at most. It's no longer an active craving. I also eat less servings and decided to skip out on lunch entirely. It's a bit tough to keep track of calories where I live since everything is natural and organic meaning it's difficult to know how much calories are in what but I generally just control my portions and it's been working so far.

Relied solely on cardio as my main source of exercise by using an exercise bike at first then switching to an elliptical then using the elliptical using only my feet (built core strength like nobody's business). In around January 2021, I decided to try and implement strength training into my regiment. Eventually stopped doing cardio exercises and focused exclusively on that. The usual stuff: Push-ups, sit-ups, squats and lunges. Eventually started to move on to some more "hardcore" stuff and now I'm in a pretty good position. I feel proudest of the fact that I did all of this using exclusively bodyweight exercises as I didn't have access to a gym (cause of lockdowns, Gyms were being closed and then opened and closed and so on so I didn't wanna commit to it right now). Even now, I can do around 30 pushups in one day but if I take into account the fact that I'm still quite overweight, I see that as an absolute win lol. And my strength and endurance is improving day-by-day.

Observations:

Weight loss is super weird and very unpredictable. When I first started out, I was losing it at a rate of 2kg (around 4.4lbs) per week. Now? I've been at 82kg for almost a month lol. The thing is though, I'm still objectively losing fat because I decided to take measurements every week and my waist is smaller now than it was 3 weeks ago. So I am still making progress, it's just that damn scale isn't getting the memo!

It's crazy how much more self confidence I have now than I did before. I literally stand up straighter and feel more at ease whenever I'm out compared to before. I was never really a big fan of being the center of attention (I'm still not lol) but I don't mind it too much now.

Also speaking of standing up straighter, my posture's gotten so much better ever since I decided to start incorporating strength training. Never realized that would be a thing but it legitimately makes you feel more confident when you know your posture is good.

Weight loss gets harder to maintain the longer you do it. After a year of skipping out on lunch or just eating some veggies, you always have those days where you just wanna say "Screw it!" and indulge in something that tastes good. I found it's important to indulge that rather than pushing it down which can lead to binging or leading to a negative outlook on the entire process.

People can still be really insensitive when it comes to weight loss. Fortunately, the people I know have all been nice and supportive but I had one particular encounter with two friends (one of my friends is quite overweight) and the other one said "wow lucebuce that's great. So, friend no.2, when are you gonna lose that weight huh" and I just changed the topic to something else cause I knew full well how comments like that can really hurt people even if it was said with positive intentions.

Also I just wanna give a shoutout to the great people in this subreddit, y'all are always welcoming and supportive. It's so critical to have a space like this where you can share both your ups and your downs so I just wanna tell you all to pat yourselves on the back :)

I plan on doing another post next year (maybe I can make this an annual thing haha) where hopefully I'll have reached my goal weight. I thought for quite a while that it would be 69 kg but I have no idea anymore lol so we'll see.

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