I am so fucking angry at myself
From early 2024 on I (34M) was 230 pounds and decided I wanted to try and slim down. I set a goal for myself...lose 40-50 pounds in 12 months. I wanted something ambitious but also plausible, and I figured with an average weight loss of about 3-4 pounds a month that seemed reasonable. And for a while It was working. Around September I got myself to around 210 and was happy with my progress. I had been doing NOOM at the time and was tracking food on a daily basis, still incorperating foods I like with nutrirent dense ones, and wprking out 3X a week. Around this time though I had alot of social events going on, so I told myself I would give myself a one month break, then try and kick back into things.
Then the end of October I lost my job (depression and loss of confidence and self worth). Then the election happened(deeper depression, existential dread, and nihilism). Then holiday season started (cookies and pies)....so alot of eating was going on. Obtried to keep my head above water but because of the holidays I leaned into comfort foods. At the start of 2025 I told myself...ok...you can find a job before things get REALLY bad and you can.
Obviously...that didn't happen. I had continued to workout and my body has gotten stronger...but my brain has not been right. I had not stepped on a scale since October because I was afraid to do so...until today.
Now I am 250 pounds....250 goddamn pounds. Needless to say this sent me in a spiral. I KNOW better...I built all these good habits and all the work I have done has not only been completely negated....I am now in an even worse spot that I was when I was trying to do this last year. None of my clothes fit, I am basically wearing sweatpants everyday which was fine in the winter...but now it's like 80 degrees outside every day and I can't keep getting away with this. I feel like my training has plateaued and I am struggling seeing any improvements in muscle growth.
On top of this...I am still unemployed. This month will mark 7 months of job hunting. If you look at my previous history of posting on reddit....yall can see that process is not going well.
Today is day one of recalibration. I just need to vent. I am angry at myself. Not a single goal I have set for my self I have achieved. My confidence is shot.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/rfMWXOy
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