How it Started vs. How it's Going (9 Years of Weigh-Ins)

Hiii it's Boo Boo The Fool checking in 🤡

Link to the screenshots of my LoseIt weight graph spanning NINE years of struggles, wins, and loses: https://imgur.com/a/9IB7S7g

🫣 Is it really that bad?

So what's the deal? I must have been 19 when I first got the LoseIt app and just wanted to lose 10 or 15 pounds. And it was 100% for aesthetics. I didn't have a medical need or any bad side effects, I just knew I was most confident at 120 pounds and liked how I looked at that size the best.

I'm gonna yadda yadda through most of it because it's been nearly a decade and I don't want this post to be a novel and I'm sure no one wants to read that much either. One moment I want to retell is for most of 2020 I was circa 160, and I distinctly remember being in the bathroom after weighing myself and thinking, "My body is stretched to the absolute max. This is the worst it will ever be. There is no way I could ever weigh more than this. It would be physically impossible. Like, I can't comprehend how I would ever be 200 pounds. Where would another 40 pounds go? That's impossible."

I had many slices of humble pie and for the last month I've consistently weighed circa 200.

I think a lot of my issues are adjacent to my mentality at that time, that it's somehow impossible I'lll gain more although I don't do enough to stop it. I'm so confident that it can't get worse, but I don't make any changes in the present to ensure my future is better. It's hard to describe but I feel very disconnected from who I will be in the future, like she's a totally different person and what I'm doing currently doesn't impact her at all. It feels like my weight issues are Future Self's problem and she will have all the answers and solve it for me. Like, "One of these days I'm gonna get it together and shed this weight and live a healthy lifestyle, and I won't believe that I was ever obese!" Like she's got everything figured out magically. And I've realized it's unrealistic to think my future self will save me and be this infallible person with a picture-perfect life. I know how I act and think now determines how I act and think in the future. But it took a really long time for me to break out of that strange avoidant/denial mindset. I don't believe it anymore, but if it pops up out of habit I can identify it as procrastination and illogical very quickly. I'm curious if anyone else has struggled with that kind of avoidant behavior with weight loss, and what helped you focus on your current habits?

Any other pieces of advice are welcome, just be prepared that I think I've read all of it by now.

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