Hello all! Sorry if this is a bit incoherent rambling but I'm just typing and letting my thoughts fly. Apologies in advance.
As of today I have officially lost 81 pounds. My starting weight/highest weight was 480 lbs. I weighed in at 399 lbs this morning. I am now in the 300s for the first time in about 5 years. This is a bittersweet victory for me. My weight loss journey started last year around June. To start with this, I was on and off again with a long-term girlfriend of mine. Neither of us were really sure what we wanted and I decided I needed to go to therapy and lose weight in order to be happier with myself and hopefully commit to her as I wanted to. I had such a fear of failure since our original relationship ended on the account of me becoming sedentary, depressed, and just not as fun to be around. I finally decided to get mentally and physically healthier to be a better partner for her. I was steadily improving and becoming the best version of myself.
Well, I found out a few months ago that she developed feelings for a close mutual friend and they decided to both cut me out of their lives and date each other instead. I was as you can imagine, absolutely devastated. She threw away almost 10 years of our history together for someone that will most likely end up treating her poorly. I know that says more about her than me, that there was nothing I could have done, it still doesn't hurt any less. Normally, this would have made me relapse so to speak but instead of ordering greasy food and staying in playing video games, I started walking between 15-20k steps per day. Whenever I think about the situation and my anger or my sadness, I just get up and walk. At this point I had already lost 50 lbs but now in the last 2 months I lost an additional 30 pounds from eating healthier, going to the gym, and walking until my feet hurt.
I cannot stress enough how vital therapy and proper medication is necessary for sustained and consistent weight loss, especially when you are at such a high weight. I struggle with BED and definitely have an addiction to sweets like soda and candy. If you feel like your weight is in anyway connected to your mental health, please seek help. It is so important and it can send you on a path to bettering yourself not only physically but in all aspects of your life. I know it has improved mine.
I lost the first 50 by just eating healthier, I did nothing but cut out bad foods/drinks, and just made smarter choices. I had failed so many times before making crazy changes, tracking everything I ate, going to the gym 6 times a week but it lead to the infamous weight-loss burn out. This time around, I am just eating healthy foods, cooking more, and being more active. My lifestyle is completely changed and I think that is what the difference is. I know when I lose a bit more I'll probably have to restrict a little more and be conscious of calories a bit but having counted so many times, I have a pretty good idea of what I can eat and what I shouldn't. I haven't maintained a healthy lifestyle for this long (nearly a year now) in my entire life but it's working this time. I know it's cliche but doing what works for you, works. You know?
For anyone coming to this Reddit and seeing everyone with their progress, their crazy workout routines or diet plans, you don't have to do that. You just have to do what works for you. I tried walking more and going to the gym when I was first losing but I was so heavy that my feet killed me after walking a few feet. I was winded going up the stairs. I'm not a track star now, but I could have never imagined me walking as much as I do now. 15, 20k steps a day? When I was lucky enough to get 1000 prior? I would have laughed in your face if you told me that a year ago. I like to say "1 is more than 0". As long as you're doing more than you were and you try to do that consistently, you will see changes. Stop focusing on time. Stop focusing on the potential failure. Just do what you can today and it will be easier to do it tomorrow. I promise you. I am 31 years old and my entire life I have been obese. I know I have so long to go to where I want to be but I have never been more confident in my ability to get there. I never thought I would get here, but I'm doing it. And I know you've probably heard this before but I SWEAR if I can do it, so can you.
So I am making this post to reflect and be happy with my progress as I cannot share the win with the person I started this for. I knew it was always going to be for me, I just wanted to share the best version of myself with her. This isn't a heartbreak reddit so I will leave it at that. I am going to keep going and be the best version of myself that I can. Thank you all for your inspiring posts. As a long term-lurker, it really does mean the world when other people share their successes and their troubles. If anyone wants to talk about weight loss, heartbreak or just needs a friend, DM me. I have been a bit lonely since losing two of my closest friends and the other friends that I knew around them. I could certainly use a distraction.
If there is one thing I could leave you with, it's this; happiness, to me, is a balance of self-love and discipline. You need to be able to give yourself the grace and love to stumble. To take that day off. To not kick yourself for eating that dessert. But the discipline to not make it a habit. To get yourself out of it and become the best person you can be. Something I've learned to do in therapy is talking to myself like I would a loved one. The next time you get down on yourself think about that. Would you tell your friends that they are failures for stumbling? Would you pick on them constantly? Would you remind them of their flaws when they are already down and depressed? Of course not. Be good to yourself. And if no one else has said it today or recently or ever, just know, I love you very much. You deserve all the good in the world and just know that there is one person that believes in you.
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