Why does it feel like my friend is trying to sabotage my weight loss?

am i overthinking this or does this seem like mixed signals from my friend?

so i’ve wanted to lose weight since i hit puberty basically. it’s always been on my mind. in high school i got close to this friend and we both said we wanted to lose weight. we’re not obese or anything, but we’re bigger than we should be for our height. she’s taller than me and a bit bigger, but it kind of evens out. i would talk about weight loss all the time, but i rarely acted on it. the few times i actually did something, i went really extreme. like i used to water fast for 40+ hours, eat, then go back to fasting again. i didn’t think it was a problem back then. i still don’t totally think it’s horrible, but it did make me really weak. she’d always tell me to stop, that it wasn’t healthy, and she’d try to make me eat something.

at the time i thought she was just being a good friend. but a few months later, i found a fasting app on her phone, and i was just confused. she was telling me not to fast, but clearly doing some version of it herself. maybe it’s because mine was too intense, i don’t know. i let it go but it stayed in the back of my mind.

she’s still the person i talk to about weight loss the most. we even had a plan to do it together recently, but life stuff got in the way. i recently gained 6kg since the start of the year, and i posted about it on my story. not in a sad way, just to be more honest with myself and maybe help with this thing i’ve been dealing with called weight blindness. she messaged me after saying things like “you’re not even that big” and “you’re perfect the way you are” and stuff like that.

it was nice of her but i don’t know. when i visited her recently, i noticed she looks like she’s lost weight. i didn’t bring it up because she recently went through something really difficult, and i figured it could be grief-related weight loss. i didn’t want to seem insensitive or make it about appearances. but there were still little things i noticed. like when we went out, she refused the soda and popcorn. and when we had lunch at her place, i asked if she’d eaten earlier and she said no, that was her first meal. and it just reminded me of how i used to talk when i was doing intermittent fasting.

so now i’m just confused. it kind of feels like she’s quietly doing her own weight loss thing but tells me not to worry about mine. i don’t think she’s trying to sabotage me or anything. i really believe she cares about me. but the things she says and the things she does don’t always line up, and it makes me feel weird sometimes.

i guess i’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. is this normal friend stuff? am i being too sensitive or reading too much into things?

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