F/27/5’7” | SW: 230.6 | CW: 177.2 | GW1: 190 | GW2: 160 | UGW: 140
It has taken me the last five months to realize something about weight loss.
People don’t always notice.
It has driven me nuts. I mean, I’m obsessed over each little ounce. C’mon. Isn’t it the most obvious thing in the world, people?! I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’ve lost 10 pounds. Don’t you see it?
Nah. They don’t.
Over the months, I’ve learned a lot about myself.
- I’m a tad competitive. But I’m at my best when I am working with people, not against them. My coworker made weight an issue between us. I have experienced some hardcore, soul withering schadenfreude as she gained and I lost. However, it was not a healthy mindset to be in and I don’t recommend it.
- Frame sizes are real. And totally affect how you ‘wear’ your weight. People don’t notice changes on my body as quickly as they might on a smaller framed woman. People are also shocked that I have lost more than 50 pounds so far. I’ve internalized how hard people jeer about ‘big boned’ to the point that I felt stupid researching frame sizes. Measuring your frame size is a quick thing and will help you better understand your body.
- CICO works. It works for me. It demystifies the weight loss process. I will live the rest of my life keeping CICO in mind to help me stay healthy.
- But CICO is not what people want to hear about your weight loss. On the occasion that I have be asked how I lost weight (or more often, told how I lost the weight), CICO is not a satisfying answer. ‘Yeah, but you walk a lot.’ ‘You must be starving yourself. Eating like a bird.’ I haven’t really helped the cause, since I started all of this by challenging myself and my partner to not eat fast food for a year. Removing the easy food has made me look at my relationship with food. It was a really unhealthy relationship, but that’s not really a surprise, is it?
- I really wanted to be seen. I also really want to be invisible. It’s a paradox, isn’t it? The obese paradox. You are sometimes the biggest person in the room, but no one sees you. You can’t help but stand out, however, nobody really notices you. I have felt invisible my whole life and also, so self conscious I can’t even stand it. Now, people are starting to notice me in a way that I was wholly unprepared for. Some guy undercharged me for coffee in the flirtiest way possible, which just threw me for a loop.
- Now that some people are noticing my weight loss, I’ve discovered that I really didn’t need it. My motivation for losing weight is more intrinsic than I realized and I don’t really know what to do with compliments. I know that that sounds kind of corny, but I'm being honest here.
I’m over halfway, my fellow losers. I seriously couldn’t do this without you.
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