Stats: 25 / 5'3" / SW: 165 / CW: 160
Hey all, I'm back! I've been part of this subreddit several times over the years and learned so much. I struggle with binge eating and overeating and I'm working hard to make that less frequent.
Due to many circumstances: a bad breakup, moving, job changes, moving in with a new partner, insurance issues, debt, losing my ADHD medication (Vyvanse), starting a new antidepressant, etc., I've let myself get to a weight I'm not comfortable with.
Ever since I was 17, I've always pushed myself to dive headfirst into strict calorie counting and exercise, despite warnings to take it slow.
"That doesn't apply to me. I just need to stay focused and disciplined. I'm miserable and I want this gone as soon as possible."
Of course, that's not a healthy mindset and has ultimately led to many failed weight loss attempts.
The past few months I've been struggling but utilizing and trialing a lot of new strategies for myself. I'm beginning to feel like I'm succeeding. I'd like to share some steps I've taken and my observations in hopes they can help somebody else:
Binge Eating And Overeating. Trying to figure out why has been eye opening. Am I an emotional eater? Yes. I eat when I am anxious, bored, and lonely. However, there's more to it that I never realized. I am chronically understimulated, especially without Vyvanse. I have developed the habit of getting an instant dopamine fix from whatever is easiest and most comforting: food. I've learned keeping my mind busy only works if my hands are busy too. Caffeine helps a bit as well.
Mindfulness. Unmedicated ADHD makes this nearly impossible sometimes, but it's been absolutely essential in forming all of my new habits. I'm working on not eating while standing in the kitchen so I don't graze. Grazing leads to binging. It's now a rule that I'm only eating when it's a meal. I chew more slowly. I analyze the texture, the taste, the smell. How my stomach feels. If I'm enjoying the process. Do I need another bite, or am I satisfied? Interestingly, the more I do this, the more I realize I eat things I don't even care for!
Portion Sizes. Like most, my eyes are much bigger than my stomach. Instead of eating "whatever", I'm making smaller portions. I use only small plates and bowls to trick my mind into thinking I've had more. A sandwich with 3 slices of ham and 1 slice of cheese is just as satisfying as 2 with a handful of ham and 3-4 slices of cheese (along with some for my mouth). I go back for seconds if needed. 90 percent of the time, I won't go back for seconds because I'm not hungry anymore. I try to walk into the kitchen and pack up leftovers immediately so I don't nibble on them. It saves me money, too.
Nutrition. In the past, all I cared about was CICO. Because I am so short, I don't have a lot of wiggle room at 1200 calories. Yes, I can eat a donut and some icecream and candy if I want, but I'm going to be starving and setting myself up for failure by the end of the day. In the past I have struggled with being too restrictive about eating "healthy" too, so instead I plan my meals based on a few questions: Is this going to be filling enough to get me to my next meal? Do I have a good mix of fat, protein, and carbs within reason? Do I have variety in my food groups? I'm not at a place I can strictly count macros but these questions are doing wonders for my choices. It also helps me pay attention to what keeps me full and what doesn't. For example, do I want a donut or eggs with cheese? I now try to pick the latter, because a donut isn't filling and leads to more sugar cravings. I'm cooking a lot more because of this.
More Physical Journaling, Less Digital Numbers. Every day I write in a journal in the kitchen what I had for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Up until about two months ago, I'd log into LoseIt or MFP, log for a few weeks, sometimes months, drop off, ignore it, come back, etc. I would log my calories but not my meals. All I cared about were those numbers and trying to "beat" them. If I went over even by a little bit, it often led me into despair and triggered a binge. Which then would lead to further frustrations. I'm now trying this new approach, at least for a while. Because I have counted calories in the past, I have a good estimate of how much I'm eating. I know a lot of people will probably say "well, maybe, but you're probably underestimating." I'm fairly confident I overestimate, but over time if I reach a plateau and I need to adjust this, I think I'll be ready to handle tracking without obsession. There's also something much more satisfying and tangible about writing it out rather than just typing in numbers.
Flexible Intermittent Fasting. Giving myself new "rules" has helped change my habits into something much more sustainable in the long run. I wake up around 5-6am most days. I used to immediately walk to the fridge and either make myself a big bowl of cereal or eat several fruit grain bars, etc. That adds up fast. Now I either wait til my partner is awake at 11 (giving me a lot more accountability on how I'm eating), or I wait til lunch time (12-1). If I need something to get me by, I have coffee with creamer (which has become incredibly satisfying). After lunch if I want to graze, I remind myself I just need to hold out til dinner. Instead of shoving snacks in my mouth if I get too hungry in mid afternoon (4ish), I'll simply make an early dinner. I try not to eat past 8pm.
Meals. Some people do great with snacks! Not me. I don't need them and I would eat them as an activity. Goldfish with TV, a whole bag of chips and dip with my partner, cookies with a video game, etc. Once I start I can't stop so it's better for me not to start. Which isn't to say I don't eat junk food! I do! If I absolutely need a snack, I try to make it's a small one (or flavored coffee, tea, or diet soda) and only after I eat a meal so I am not compelled to eat a huge portion. This also helps me realize when I'm truly hungry. The apple question doesn't work for me with cravings because I still crave junk over apples even when I am truly hungry. Instead, if I think "wow, I sure would like to eat a bag of chips", I now try to reason with myself. "How about I eat my meal later and then see if I still want all those chips." Guess what? Usually I don't end up getting any. If I do eat snacks and get sucked in, I have my partner help me by gently reminding me "you should save some for later." It caused a lot of anxiety at first, but now I'm grateful.
Weight Tracking And Patience. I use Libra every day to weigh in and see my general trend. It's headed downward. Seeing the fluctuations and the trend has allowed me to relax a bit and see the bigger picture. Results will come over time. I used to weigh every few days and a small tick upwards was enough to send me into a mental spiral all day. Now it's simply a data point. It's also motivating to see the expected loss and what my loss rate is.
Avoiding Trigger Foods. I used to have a ton, but the main one I have left is icecream. I don't know what it is, all the fat and sugar and dairy, but I cannot just have a little without being obsessed with more. Even if I put it in a bowl. I will find myself at the freezer stealing "bites" until the entire container is gone. Not only is this detrimental to my weight loss progress, but it makes me incredibly sick. I have gut issues, including lactose intolerance. I also experience a terrible crash in mood and energy the next day. So for now, I'm simply keeping it out of the house.
Secondary Exercise. I joined a gym months ago but only went a handful of times. With the current COVID19 outbreak, obviously I cannot attend anyway. For right now, I am holding off on exercise. It sounds a little counter intuitive but I've found I cannot juggle adding exercise along with all these other changes. It's too much and I try to push too fast. I'm going to work on cutting to a healthier weight, and then slowly add in exercise. By exercise, I'm referring to workouts beyond walking.
Summary:
Everything adds up to changing habits. Changing your lifestyle. I wanted to share my experiences and thoughts because those words can be a bit vague. There are no exact guidelines, which can be tricky and overwhelming. I'm finally learning what works for me.
We are creatures of habit. We have so many automatic behaviors that we often don't even realize are occurring because we're so used to our routine. Whether that routine is sleeping in til noon, waking up and having coffee, or going out for a run first thing; find which habits are serving you and which aren't. Visualize not only who you want to be, but how you want to be. It'll be uncomfortable. You'll stumble, you'll feel like "this isn't me and I'll never be any different." You can and you will. I've been telling myself "do it til it stops feeling weird." I feel that's a good indicator of whether something has truly become habit. When you can do it without feeling forced, or when not doing it feels wrong.
Please be patient and gentle with yourself. If you can't be kind, try being neutral and moving toward acceptance. Shame cannot propel you forward but compassion will.
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