I am completing my masters degree to become a psychologist, and have acquired my fair share of knowledge about human behaviour. However, most of the advice I want to share today comes from my own experience. I struggled for a number of years to make any sort of progress in my weight loss journey - that is, until I shifted my mindset and cognitive framing around my eating and lifestyle habits.
By no means am I qualified to give official or verifiable advice - it may not work for you - but here's what worked for me.
Acceptance: "choose your hard."
In its simplest form, this means to accept that losing weight is hard, and it fucking sucks.
There is no easy way out of completely overhauling your eating, exercise and lifestyle habits; such habits that you have likely built up over many, many years. It is difficult, and difficult is part of the journey. You may be thinking, "duh, I already know this!" But knowing it, and actually putting this into practice, is very different.
For example, when you first cut down your daily calories, you'll likely start to feel hungry and irritable as your body adjusts. In response to this, you may start to find ways to rid of this hunger; you might add in a few extra snacks, you might try to frantically over-exercise, or you might adopt the classic phrase that I personally know all too well - "this is too difficult, I'll just start again tomorrow." Instead, recognise that it is okay to feel hungry, or moody, or tired. It is hard, yes - but hard is part of the journey.
This ties in nicely with the quote "choose your hard." Yes, losing weight, and maintaining it thereafter, is hard. But, so is remaining in a body that you are not happy with. Choose your hard.
This doesn't mean that I am endorsing extreme weight loss measures - whatever works for you, and is the most sustainable (and healthy!) - is best. However, even the smallest of changes still require adjustment, and will still bring about challenge. Embrace that challenge - that is where growth happens.
Funnily enough, it was this single photo from the r/Stoicism subreddit that really drilled this concept into me. To this day it still resonates with me deeply - perhaps it will for you too.
To change your lifestyle, you need to change your habits.
Many people are successful in losing weight, but unfortunately, not many are successful in keeping it off for the long-term.
Among other factors, I believe this is due to the the way weight loss is framed in today's society. If you compare it to getting a degree, becoming proficient at your occupation, learning a language, learning an instrument, or literally any other skill - there is always an understanding that mastery takes practice, failure, and time. Yet, this same understanding is rarely applied to losing weight, developing an exercise regime and completely changing your lifestyle; you are expected to complete it quickly, and to be consistent every single day. That is not the case.
Instead, understand that this journey is a life-long one. To maintain a healthy weight, to live a healthy lifestyle - it is something that needs to be consciously tended to every single day; through practice, failure and time. It might sound daunting (and draining) right now, but once it is engrained in you as a habit, it becomes so much easier.
Here are some tips for habit formation:
- Knowledge is power: It is important to educate yourself on how habits are formed (and the role of dopamine and the brain's reward system). Once you are aware of what is going on in your brain, you can easily recognise your own habits (and what is enabling them). There are a number of great resources for this; books (Atomic Habits, The Power of Habit), as well as a number of informative Youtube videos (TED Talks are a personal favourite).
- Set goals related to habits, not numbers on a scale: Many of us have goals to lose X number of pounds - but then what? Instead, try to reframe your goals in the context of the habits you want to adopt. For example, if you know that you want to lose 20 pounds, think of all the things you would need to do to reach that goal; for example, walking every day, drinking more water etc. Whatever specific practices you choose to lose weight - these are now the habits to focus your goals on. So, for example, instead of saying "I am going to lose 20 pounds in 6 months," your goal would be "from here on out, I am going to try and walk 5k steps a day, and make sure I drink 8 glasses of water every day." Additionally, make sure that your habits are realistic, and that they start off small.
- "Never miss twice." Is a great mantra to adopt when trying to change your habits. It is fine (and normal) to slip up - to miss a day of working out, or sticking to your calorie deficit. However, if you want to build a habit, don't miss twice. Jump right back into it the next day.
- Be gentle with yourself: Sometimes things will happen that are beyond your control (such as illness or injury) and you will have to take a complete break from your habit building. That is part of life, and is to be expected - don't beat yourself up! Learning to bounce back after periods of interruption is an equally important skill to learn. That goes for losing weight in general - if you need to take breaks, for whatever reason, that is 100% valid (and can even help your metabolism).
Executive Functioning.
The concept of executive function refers to a set of mental skills that include things like working memory, self-control and flexible thinking. You can think of it as the "management system" of the brain; it is what allows you to set goals, to manage daily life, and to get shit done. It also has a role to play in helping people stick to habits.
Understandably, you can see how executive function links in with maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In fact, research has suggested that reduced executive functioning can be linked to uncontrolled eating, a poorer diet and food addiction.
However, the good news is that the pre-frontal cortex can be 'changed' well into adulthood; ie. to continue to strengthen the networks in your brain that are involved in executive function. There are a number of ways to go about this, but one that worked particularly well for me (and is backed by research) is mindfulness; that is, the practice of being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment.
Although used as a sort of buzzword and shrugged off by some, when practised properly and consistently, mindfulness has been shown to aid weight loss. One study demonstrated that typical weight-loss methods work in the short-term, but the participants ended up gaining the weight back at the end of the trial. However, the participants who combined these methods with mindfulness practices were not only more effective at reducing weight, but also in keeping it off in the long-term.
There are number of different ways to practice mindfulness, but here are some popular tools:
- Apps: Headspace, Calm, Smiling Mind
- Daily journaling: it helps to write using mindfulness-based prompts; here are some ideas.
- Youtube: there are many videos on guided meditation for mindfulness.
Reflect on why you want to lose weight.
A big reason as to why my previous weight-loss attempts failed was because I pursued weight loss for the wrong reasons. For example, I would want to lose weight for an upcoming party, or for a job-interview. When your reasons for weight-loss are fundamentally rooted in impressing other people, although understandable, it often does not lead to lasting change.
I also found that I wanted to lose weight whenever I had a romantic interest in someone. I'm not sure if this is a niche experience to me, or one that is universal, but I always dieted the most intensely before I was to go on a date, or if I wanted someone to like me. Going through this cycle was exhausting and extremely detrimental to my self-esteem. I eventually realised that I would only be interested in marrying a person who loves me no matter my size; if I needed to restrict and diet to be seen as desirable by this person, then I am not interested in that person anyway.
Ultimately, the point is, you should lose weight for yourself, and yourself only. I understand that we live in a society that so heavily values external appearances - but there is so much more to life (and you as a person) than trying to appease and fit into an unrealistic and ever-changing beauty standard.
In the same vein, losing weight does not magically make all insecurities and self-esteem issues go away. If you are losing weight because you want to love and respect yourself more, know that such a thing can be achieved irrespective of your size. Weight loss can help, sure, but if you are someone who has experienced consistent, pervasive self-esteem issues (as I did); it requires more work than just shedding pounds. In this instance, therapy can really help.
Work on your mental health as well as your physical health.
It is very hard to make lifestyle changes if you are struggling mentally. Mental self-care is incredibly important.
One of the biggest factors related to this is sleep. There are so many studies published that demonstrate how poor sleep can impact both your mental health and lead to obesity. Making sure you get 7+ hours a night is super important, and definitely not stressed enough in conversations about weight loss.
Similarly, try to not let weight loss completely consume you as a person. Life quickly drains of all its colour when this is the case. Keep up your hobbies, or find new ones - and tend to these regularly. Make sure you keep in contact with friends and family, or that you have a support network that you can be with, hang out with, or at least check in with.
Most importantly, there is a fine line between losing weight in a healthy way, and teetering into eating disorder territory. In fact, many people report that their eating disorder started when they wanted to simply lose a few pounds, but it then spiralled out of control. It is also a myth that someone with an eating disorder looks a certain way; you can be overweight and obese and be diagnosed with an eating disorder. A list of the symptoms can be found here. If you recognise that this is happening to you, or you are beginning to worry, then it is important to reach out to a loved one, or a professional who can help.
Weight loss is evidently desirable - it is why we are all here. However, there is far more to life than looking a certain way. Remember that when you die, no one is going to be making speeches about how slim and toned you were.
Do it for you, and you only.
Good luck!
