hi! i'm new here, and to reddit as a whole, but i needed a place to be able to speak about myself without (hopefully) no judgement. first of all, i'm a female at around 5'2-5'3ish and i'm currently 49.8kg down from 61kg. that must sound great, right? my body feels lighter, and clothes fit far looser. but i'm still not comfortable... you might be wondering why since my weight is perfect for my height, but i've been struggling. a lot.
you see, the way i lost it all was no where near what some of you may consider healthy. let's start from the beginning:
i've always been self-conscious about my appearance, and i only draw attention to myself whenever i try to be ”beautiful.” to someone on the outside, i was perfectly comfortable in my own skin. however, my eating habits sucked a**. when i was a kid, my uncle treated me whenever i craved anything. i wanted ice cream? done! i wanted pizza? sure! what toppings? i was understandably chubby due to this, and it followed me all the way to junior high. (by the way, i'm almost in first year of hs.)
i weighed 61kg when i weighed myself after coming down with a cold at the doctor's office, and mother said it "wasn't bad". at that time, i had club right after school and would have to take the bus from the mall. being the unhealthy eater i was, i bought a large can of pringles, a chocolate bar, non-diet soda, not to mention boba tea too (with tapioca, full sugar). it was almost unbelievable how i wasn't obese, instead i was on the very edge of "healthy"— almost overweight.
fast forward to the end of eighth grade: i performed at the talent show. it was great, i danced and had fun! but then my dance team decided to take a photo after the show.
everyone was slim: while my thighs bulged out of my jeans.
this was the start of the end. i began to think about weight loss. i started by eating better food:
avacado toast with a sunny side up egg.. oatmeal with bananas and almond milk.. whole wheat tortilla wraps with lettuce, tomatoes, etc.
but it wasn't enough. perhaps it was because i had no scale at the time, as my family scale was inaccurate and could not be trusted. i felt like results didn't come fast enough. i wanted something quick, even if i'm the back of my head knew that losing weight took so much time.
suddenly, an idea sprouted up in my head: what if i ate as little as possible?
and it worked! i lost 6kg in a month, and went from 61kg to 55kg! i was super excited, restricting myself only to 700-800calories per day. i had school, dance and clubs— so i got my exercise there. weeks passed, and my weight became stagnant. the 0.4kg i was losing became 0.2kg, and i felt bad. i wanted to be the super slim korean idols that appeared on television, going as far as to follow a few of the most extreme starvation diets.
without much thought, those 800calories became 500, then those 500 became 300, and finally: 200. i felt guilt and shame for going over that three digit number. it was all i thought about: stay. under. that. i would cry knowing that my family wanted to eat out, chewing and spitting out my food into a napkin and pretending to eat.
with that, i've quickly fallen down to 49.8kgs on november 8th 2019.
and i feel like crap.
there are SO. MANY. TIMES i've told myself to increase my limit— "i'll eat 300 today!" or "today will be a refeed day!" but i'll push it back more and more every time i arrive on said day. the numbers scared me. i was afraid of gaining even 0.1lbs. i want to eat so bad. i want to enjoy my life, i don't want to constantly think about food anymore.
does anyone have any tips to slowly increase my limit without gaining? or weight maintenance advice for someone like me?
i'm in desperate need to stop these thoughts, and frankly... i just want to be happy and eat healthily.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Co16PI
