This post is half venting and half asking for advice if anyone has something to offer on the subject.
My weight loss journey started sometime last year. After gaining a ton of weight (~100 lbs) following a serious episode of depression, I resolved to get back on track. I've been losing weight slowly and because I don't have any immediate health concerns and my stats are all normal, I'm not under pressure to lose the weight rapidly. I hope to get to 170-180 sometime in 2022. I currently weigh 235 lbs, having dropped 35 lbs this year.
Onto the topic of this post. I'm at my wit's end dealing with family members who are trying to be helpful. My in-laws are medical professionals and have been on my case to lose weight since forever (even before I was technically overweight). They started making comments when I approached the higher end of a normal bmi and got pushier the more I gained. It would be one thing if it was well-intentioned advice but my in-laws are have a seriously disordered view on what is "healthy", which is especially concerning given their respective health backgrounds.
MIL has a visibly evident restrictive eating disorder and is underweight to the point her bones protrude quite through her skin. She's had various health issues from her eating habits ranging from brittle bones to bowel necrosis. MIL will also proudly proclaim that all she needs is 500 calories a day and has also boasted her blood pressure is so low the machines don't register it (WTF kind of brag is that?) FIL is technically a healthy weight, albeit obsessively orthorexic. They've pointed to my husbands 6'3", 115 lb model cousin as an aspirational example for me.
Here's the thing. I'm well aware of the negative health consequences of obesity. Most fat people are after being beaten over the head with this messaging by literally everyone all the time. This is why I'm trying to lose weight. My major issue is how galling it is to politely smile and listen to weight loss advice from people who genuinely believe a bmi of 14.4 is the picture of health. My goal weight is between 170 and 180 lbs which is completely fine for my height (6'1") but I know in-laws would prefer me to drop to 140 lbs or less.
I find interactions with them to be stressful and wish I knew how to politely tell them to sod off with the pro-ana bullshit. The problem is it's a very delicate situation and I don't want the in-laws to feel like I'm body shaming them. Having been shamed for my obesity repeatedly, I know how ineffective it is and how much bitterness/resentment it inspires. Having said that, I would relish the opportunity to tell my in-laws that ther body weight ideals are fucked up and not healthy in the slightest ... and that as medical professionals, they should frankly know better.
Would be interested to hear from others who've dealt with disordered family members in a way that is diplomatic, yet firm. I've just had it with these people!
EDIT: Corrected typo in original post where I indicated husband's cousin is 6'3" and 215 lbs. this is incorrect. She is 6'3" and 115 lbs. Updated in post.
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