I'm a 29 year old, 5'10" woman. My all time highest (known) weight was 257 lbs. Since then, I've gotten married, had a child, separated from my husband, had my gallbladder removed, been unemployed, dealt with PPD, been on and off assistance, and lost 56.8 lbs. The scale this morning read 200.2 lbs.
I went to a barbecue dinner at my mom's house today. I prelogged my intended dinner (bbq pulled pork sandwich and potato salad) and it left me with 310 calories to spare. I ended up also having baked beans and a (non-diet) soda. I also played with my toddler outside (how exactly do you track that? I ended up logging it as "coaching sports for 90 minutes"). I skipped the chips amd blueberry pie with ice cream.
I know my food choices today weren't stellar. I wasn't going to dirty measuring cups for my mom to wash, so I eyeballed it. But! But! I came in 62 calories under budget. And I'm proud of that.
I've toed the line of disordered eating in the past. I stopped counting calories for a year+ because I knew that I'd latch onto the numbers as something in life I could control when everything else seems to be spinning around me. I'm currently training for an entirely new (physically demanding) career, and felt like tracking my food choices would be empowering at this point. I'm now 13 days strong tracking and using CICO for weight loss. I've been on point with my hydration (100 oz water/flavored water/Gatorade a day). I've been within my calorie budget 11/13 days. And, I've been okay and honest with the days that I went over. I've allowed for indulgences when wanted/needed (free pizza lunch at construction training, networking at chick fil a). I've focused on quality nutrition and getting in my fruits and vegetables (in the past, I've skipped those for lower calorie counts, yeah, bad logic, I know). I'm hoping for a number that starts with a 1 (for the first time in 6 years) when I weigh myself on Wednesday morning, but if it doesn't happen, I know I'm still making good choices. I'm proud of the example I'm setting for my son, especially given my ex/his dad frequently eats fast food for most meals and weighs in around 350 lbs.
My mom offered pie no fewer than 3 times, its only polite in Minnesota, after all, to offer a minimum of 3 times, and chastized me for "not enjoying life". I stood firm, I ate plenty. I enjoyed time and food with family. I played outside with my son and without tv.
I'm so proud and so grateful for finally being able to take charge of my health and wellbeing. I'm proud to be a good example for my son (who currently refuses all junk food except for donuts, and would live off of yogurt, blueberries, and string cheese if he had his way). I'm proud to be choosing a path that utilizes the strength of my body and will continue to build that strength. I'm proud to be down 56.8 lbs in 6 years. I'm proud of who I am and where I am in so many ways. Today feels like such an NSV, and I'm hoping that the SV shows this week, but if it doesn't, I'm proud to know that it will soon, so long as I make my 11/13 logging and in-budget streak grow.
I will definitely update Wednesday when I hit Onederland, but I will also be okay if that's not this week, but next. I'll still be happy with the tasty and reasonable choices I made today, and in the 12 days before it, and the days to come. I know that family barbecues aren't going to go away because I'm making health a priority, I also know they're about more than food. They're about watching my son play with his cousin,snuggle with his grandma, and learn to plant and water flowers with his grandpa. They're about playing on a see saw and a swing and a wagon. They're about laughing and rolling down a hill. They're about kicking a ball around the yard. They're about examining lilac buds and sampling sauces. And in a few weeks, when I pass on pie I can go pick fresh raspberries in the backyard instead. And if I want a slice of pie, I can skip the soda, or go for a swim, or run around a little more with my giggling son and nephew.
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