To preface, I used to be athletic. In high school and early college, I would run 5 miles a day. I was an avid hiker and backpacker, and I often hiked large portions of the Appalachian Trail. I was always active, and ate just about whatever I wanted then without any detriment. In college, I met the love of my life. We spent every waking moment together. She would move to a new state with a new job, I would follow. Things were amazing. She is also very active. Always was a record breaking athlete, both in high school and in college. She maintained that activity. I did not... I'd make BS excuses why I shouldn't run by saying things like "if humans were meant to run, we'd have evolved to have 4 legs).
I got comfortable. I stopped working out. Started playing video games, ate like garbage, and I packed on the pounds. I've always been 5'10" and "back in the day" I weighed 160 lbs. Throughout our relationship, I ballooned to over 250 lbs. Last doctor's weigh in during my physical was 255. But that didn't matter! I had a gorgeous woman at home who loved me for who I was. Why should I have to take care of myself? I ALWAYS lacked self confidence--even at my peak athleticism, and I hid those insecurities behind my gorgeous fiancé. I genuinely, LITERALLY, haven't looked in a full body mirror for well over 5 years out of insecurity. "Out of sight, out of mind" was my motto.
Fast forward some more, and life threw me the curveball of a lifetime. I was given the opportunity to sign a contract for a major cable network for a new show that'll be piloting late in the year. "Holy sh**" I thought. I can't do this! I told everyone that the contents of the contract were "too scary" and that I was likely going to decline. Really, it was just because I didn't want millions of people to look at me. My deepest insecurities projected on a national level are next level frights. Despite that, I signed the contract, and filmed the pilot. Figured if I didn't, I'd regret it for the rest of my life.
Fast forward to 2.5 months ago... My fiancé drops a nuke on me. She decides to leave me. It was not mutual. We had been together for 10 years, and engaged for 2. She was (and to be honest, still is) everything to me. The details don't matter, but she "suddenly" lost feelings for me and decided to end our relationship. Her handing back the engagement ring was one of the most soul crushing things I've ever had to endure. Shortly after, I received an anonymous letter from someone who she works with stating that she had been cheating on me for a while now. Double whammy. Imagine feeling you're not good enough for someone that they decide to cheat on you... It was then that I no longer had someone to hide behind. I had lost my safety net. The one thing in life that made me feel good about myself.
Anyway, I've had a lot of time to self reflect. I figured I had 2 options: sit and wallow and feel bad for myself OR pull myself up by my bootstraps and be the change I want to see in myself. I chose the latter.
Granted, I am still very much in the beginning stages of my weight loss adventure. I've been at it for a little over 2 months now. I go to the gym 6 days a week, focusing on weight training 4 days, and cardio 2 days. I track EVERYTHING through LoseIt! To lose my average 2 pounds a week, I have to consume no more than 1,900 calories, though most every day I've been well below that. Side concern, since I've been 300-500 calories under that every day, I do worry about my body going into starvation mode--but I'm just not as hungry as I used to be.
My current weight is 220lbs. My resting heart rate went from 95 bpm to 60 bpm. My VO2 Max is slowly creeping up, and I stopped snoring. I'm starting to see muscle definition, and I was able to do 2 consecutive pull ups for the first time in almost a decade! While I still have a lonnnnggggggg way to go (my GW is 170), I crossed the 30 pound lost mark, and I've never felt better. I still have moments of soul crushing depression having lost the absolute love of my life, but I try to blast them out with a serotonin and adrenaline rush working out at the gym, and my confidence gets small boosts every week I have a weigh in. Best part is, I've started to hike and run again. I used to complain about it, but it all stemmed from my weight and inability to keep up on the trails. Life finally feels like it's opening up to me again.
No pictures yet, but I hope that by the time the show airs, I'll be able to look at myself and see a completely different person. The ultimate time lapse.
Huge thanks to the incredible support this community offers. It has been incredibly motivating to hear everyone's stories, tips, and techniques, and I hope to become more active here to support others in their endeavors while we all work towards our goals.
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