Improving body awareness during or after weight loss

Ever since I can remember I've been chunky. But also short (153 cm) so I always ended up looking like a thick tree stump, and I felt uncomfortable in my own body all my life. I lost almost 20kg and am only 4kg away from my goal weight, but honestly, I still feel like the short, awkward, clumsy, stumpy ugly girl with zero self-confidence. I always felt like my body is working against me. Moving does not come naturally to me, I could never dance if I tried (and I have tried, my mom is a dancer), I'm extremely inflexible (can't even touch my knees), I just hate any kind of exercise, and my movements, including gestures and facial expressions, are ungraceful and uncoordinated/clumsy. This also reflects my lack of self-control (which I lack in other departments of my life too), and I still feel like an awkward kid at 26.

It's frustrating because I see all these grown-ass women AND teenagers who move with more awareness of their body. All I'm aware of is my feeling of discomfort. I can't even pose for pictures in an "interesting" way because I feel so awkward being photographed, which is why I barely have any pictures of me of the last 10 years or so, because I hate seeing myself.

Please help! One of my New Year's resolutions was to feel comfortable in my own body because I want to take dance lessons next year and not make a fool of myself lol.

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Why Do I Feel More Insecure?

I started at 300 lbs. I'm now at 256 lbs. My body's changed a lot after losing 44 lbs, but not necessarily in a "bad" way. I lost three inches off my waist, my thighs are slimmer, and my belly's a little less full. Everyone compliments me on my weight loss and it's nice to see the numbers keep getting lower, but I am so cripplingly insecure now. I have no idea why.

I've been battling obesity since I was very young. It's always been a point of insecurity for me, and I've never had high self esteem. However, I was my most confident at 300 lbs. I was my happiest then, too. Right now I won't wear certain clothes, have sex, or even go out with friends because I'm so anxious about my appearance and hw others will view/treat me. I don't get it.

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Can anyone relate?

I am in a weird point in my weight loss journey. 27F I have gone from 225-148 in a years time (highest weight around 250) I am so much more comfortable in my own skin but my ultimate goal weight is 125. I really want to get to my GW but I feel like I am okay with losing it very slow at this point. I just bought my first house and I know this month will be crazy with the move, I am going to try and not be too hard on myself if I can’t weight or log all my food until we’re settled. Still , it’s hard to not feel guilty when I go off track even though I know myself and I know I will pick right back up on it. I am just ranting at this point lol is anyone at a point in their journey like I am?

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Does anyone else get long headaches from restricting calories/food?

If I move my head a certain way or too fast, it hurts. I’ve tried drinking water, but it doesn’t work. Even on days where I drank less water, it didn’t hurt like this. I can’t even walk too fast or else the pain increases. My eyes feel a bit heavy. Is this normal for weight loss? I’m not feeling too good. I tried waiting for cold symptoms to appear but nothing came. It’s not only one place in my head either, but multiple location aches, I believe. I restricted down to 1200 calories- sometimes less some days so that I could make up for when I ate over the deficit- but I’m getting cranial aches and pain, and the occasional shiver. What’s causing this?

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finding weight loss to be less about will power and more about organization

so i'm finally actually getting somewhere with my eating and taking control of it. i'm starting to feel militant about it because i organize everything. i've been cooking everything i eat for a couple of months now and, among other things, it gives me so much control over food. when i go shopping, i have to have a rough idea of what i'll be cooking and it feels like i put everything i buy under the microscope. like there's no more hidden food somehow; things don't just slip into my groceries.

learning to do all of this takes so much organization and planning and control. it's the kind of thing people take for granted if they've always done it because if it's just your normal habit it seems really straightforward. but trying out a ton of recipes you've never made, sifting through them to find ones you like, training yourself to buy groceries, actually preparing and eating what you buy, none of that is simple or straightforward if you've just been eating bags of chips and ice cream for dinner the past five years. after a while, i'm sure it will all come as second nature but for now i have to be militant about my habits.

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Obesity is a symptom not the disease...

TLDR at bottom

I’ve lost 50 pounds over the past two and a half months. It all started with my mom telling me she wanted me to sign up for this fitness program. I resisted but she won out... I’m so so thankful she did.

The program consisted of addressing some psychological issues and dealing with your past before dealing with your future. Toward the third week it felt really easy... then I had an assignment: recall the three worst things that have happened to me in life. It sounds easy until you actually think of why those things were so awful.

No amount of physical pain could surmount the emotional pain... two of my worst things were about girls I’d dated. But the third was something I’d never even truly admitted to myself... I was molested by someone who had authority over me. Someone my family trusted.

I still struggle to say it out loud but acknowledging it helped me get over it. I hated myself for so long but could never figure out why and then when I acknowledged what had happened it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. Then actual weight fell off as it became easier to focus on life- I wasn’t relieving pain by stuffing my face.

I’m still on my journey but I want you to know; if you’re struggling to lose weight, the problem might not even be something you think it is. It might be pain deep down that you’ve hidden in shame, guilt, anger, or sadness. You don’t need to hide it- let go of it, say it out loud, tell someone you love, just let it out! Once you do, you might just cure your disease and the symptoms will go away in time,

TLDR: Addressing past trauma may be the key to ultimate weight loss and keeping it off among other things which I learned after acknowledging that I was diddled as a kid

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People who are quit smoking but and are also losing weight, how do you do it?

For me, it is really hard and is almost impossible. I tend to crave and sometimes eat much more food when I am not smoking, because the cravings are so strong. Especially around my pms, it is next to unbearable. So it's either a cigarette or eating more. A very frustrating thing when you are trying to lose weight and quit smoking at the same time is that around week 1, of quitting smoking, all food starts to taste infinitely tastier and richer in flavor and you are like whoa, what is this, so of course you are craving more. Of course cigarettes also suppress your appetite, so I can eat pretty healthily and within what I should eat in a day. I am not saying that a non-smoker would eat more, is just that in the early days of quitting smoking, you just crave.

I have been unsuccessful in quitting smoking again, not only because I wanted to eat more, but because I am physically and mentally craving it some days to the point where it gets frustrating. It is so weird, because I am also sober for 7 months and been doing well with my weight loss and some pilates, but the cigarettes are so annoying. And i hate 16 year old me for ever taking it up. How is it possible for me to refuse a delicious looking cake because I have a cabbage salad and some chicken for lunch, but not say no to myself when I want to smoke? I am also pretty terrible with taking breaks at work when I don't smoke because what do I do with my time? Now that I have started cooking, I do smoke less and eat my lunch properly, but it is still hard.

The hardest one is at parties and get together. I started out as a social smoker, but at parties it is so weird because inside, I feel like fat girl, and like I don't want to talk to anyone and just feel inadequate. Outside smoking I am a different person, and I tell jokes, I listen to people and you get to know them, while inside it just feels weird to randomly talk to people if you are not smoking.

So how did you guys manage, which one do you prioritize? The weight loss or the quitting smoking? Can you do both of them at the same time? How? Please don't say IQOS or something like that because it is just blergh.

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