I am being kinder to my body.

TW: disordered eating

Had a tiny victory today after being in a bit of a slump with my weight loss. For some background, I’ve struggled in the past with disordered eating/exercise addiction in several forms. In high school, it started with bulimia that eventually morphed into severely restricting calories (~800 a day) and waaaaay too much exercise. It worked, and I got a lot of praise for my weight loss then, which felt really shitty because I was fully aware that I was hurting myself. After high school and having a child, I eventually started binge eating. When I was anxious, sad, mad, bored, I would just eat. And I’d eat a lot. I think the worst of it, throughout all of the years, was the mental aspect. I always struggled with so much guilt surrounding food. But it really became my go-to for any issues I was having. My relationship with food was weird. I’d go to it to make me feel better, and then I’d feel guilty for eating anything at all.

Anyway, in May I weighed myself and realized I was 295 pounds, which was the most I’ve ever weighed and way too close to 300 for my comfort zone. I told myself I would never be 300 pounds, and when I realized I was so close, something clicked. I jumped into weight loss and at first it was a tricky balance for me, because seeing results made me want to hit the gym harder, eat less, etc. but I did my best to set those thoughts aside and find a good balance. I’m now 249 pounds and have a long way to go.

Anyway, the point of my post is to talk about the realization I had today. I had a bad day. A really bad day. Lots of tears, and I’m not an emotional person. I got really anxious today, and I worked out. I didn’t eat, because I wasn’t hungry so there was no reason to eat. I worked out to help get me through the anxiety. And then tonight, when I was really sad and actually WAS hungry, I almost drove myself to get a tub of ice cream, but decided to make a turkey sandwich. I was sitting here, on my couch crying and shoving a turkey sandwich in my mouth (truly a sight to see), when I realized holy crap, I don’t remember the last time I binged. I don’t think I have since I started this weight loss journey. And I haven’t really wanted to.

And as I’m sitting there on my couch, inhaling this really unsatisfying turkey sandwich and sobbing, I have this realization that I have been so much kinder to my body over these last six months and I am PROUD. I’m proud of myself for not eating an entire bag of hot Cheetos in one sitting, and I’m proud of myself for working out to relieve stress, and I’m proud of myself for not beating myself up over having a slice of pizza every now and then and I’m proud of myself for resting when my body needs to.

I’m still struggling sometimes. I struggle to see the weight loss even though I know it’s there because I’ve had to buy new clothes. I struggle to not put myself down since my weight loss has slowed down a bit lately. I’m not always kind to myself mentally, but I’m getting there, and damn. I’ve been really kind to my body for the first time in a long time. I’m proud.

Tl;dr: Ate a turkey sandwich while sobbing. Felt proud. Posted it here.

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5 things I learned in my 8 years of dieting

Hello! I recently started writing down some interesting things that I learned on my 8 year long journey (& counting) to a healthier me and I thought I'd share some of my findings!

​

Before I share some facts, here's some background info about me:

I'm 6'0 and 23 years old (M) and I've been trying to lose weight on and off since I was around 15. At my highest, I was around 380lbs 1 year ago and I am now at 304lbs. In my 8 years of dieting, I've probably lost a total of roughly 200lbs which I've mostly gained back. I was diagnosed(?) by my college counselor with binge eating disorder and that's mostly been the culprit of my weight gains.

These are some things that I've learned or dealt with in my 8 years of weightloss.

1. My brain is wired to somehow relate any negative aspect of my life with my problems with body image. For example, yesterday, I dropped my phone by accident and instead of thinking "oops I dropped my phone because I'm a human being and humans make mistakes", I thought "I'm so fat and clumsy that I dropped my phone". Its ridiculous but it's interesting how I automatically blame my weight for anything bad that happens.

2. Similar to #1, the most trivial things in my everyday life remind me of my body image.
   For example, I'm at a coffee shop. Oh look, that guy is drinking a iced mocha. Guess what? I cant drink that cuz I need to lose weight. Oh and btw my fat rolls are bulging out of my shirt. Dammit now I'm sad. Let me go and make myself feel good for 10mins by eating 5 McChickens and then go self-loathe for 5 hours. Happens every time

3. My diet for the day is determined by the ~1 minute window right after finishing a meal.
   When I finish my meals, theres is always a ~1 min window right after where I want to devour anything and everything. If I muscle through that 1 min, I usually succeed in my diet for the day. If I give in to the temptation in that 1min window, I usually go over my calorie limit

4. I can usually gauge how bad my diet was the day before by seeing how dry my mouth is when I wake up the day after.
   Usually after I have my worst binge eating sessions, my mouth is SUPER dry when I wake up the next morning. This usually doesnt happen if I go over by a little bit. I'm sure science can explain this one.

5. "Pre-food clarity" and "post-workout clarity"
   I always make better life choices before I eat a meal and after I work out. My laundry usually gets done right after I go on my run and right before I eat breakfast/lunch.

6. Losing weight is hard
   I know this one sounds obvious but I'm always surprised by how much weight loss is overlooked by people that never had a weight problem before! Coming from a family that's mostly skinny, talking to them about about my weight loss journey feels like talking to a brick wall sometimes. Almost all of my genuine conversations about weight loss had been with others that are/has/will going through weightloss. My mother still thinks I cant lose weight solely because I am lazy :/

I hope these were as interesting to you as I found them to be!!

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Starting my weight loss journey again

Hello everyone!

For some context, 5’4” 160 F. Gained 70+ lbs last year after a few surgeries. Was 125 lbs most of my life because I was a competitive gymnast, but gained after a health problem.

I focused in on the gym and cut calories heavily and the weight shedded off. I was proud of myself and gave myself 8 months break due to working full time and 18 credits. I gained back 10 lbs due to my love for bread.

About to graduate so I am jumping back on the weight loss grind. Hoping to get to 140 lb before next summer. I can’t go another summer without swimming and without short sleeve shirts.

Hoping this sub will get my body positivity back together and keep me accountable for the foods I eat!

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tips on using tape measure to track weight loss

So, I understand this might be a dumb title, lol but I am so bad at using a tape measure to track my weight loss!

I weigh myself on the scale weekly and I also take measurements on those days. however, I feel as if I am very off. sometimes my numbers go up even when I have lost weight. or they go down way too drastically. for example, i’ve only lost about 6.5 pounds. but my bust is showing i’ve lost 2.5 inches! which would be great in theory because I have 58” worth of bust that’s just constantly in my way, but logically I know that’s not right.

does anyone have any tips on how to measure properly? I assume i’m doing two things: not measuring in the same spot as before, and measuring with a looser hand in some places, and tighter in the other. I might also just give up the weekly measurements and stick to the scale until I see significant loss. measuring smaller people is easier than a 300 pound person sticking out in all sorts of places!

so if no one has any life changing tips on how to measure, should I just stop the measurements until i’m further on? I always see people say “I didn’t lose any weight this week, but I lost 2 inches!” and I wanted to have that kind of extra motivation for when the scale isn’t wanting to move, but I don’t think i’m cut out for this job hahaha

just for some extra content so I don’t get flagged, these have been my measurements for the past few weeks since i’ve started:

10/27 weight: 299.5 hips: 54” waist: 48” bellybutton: 56.5” thigh: 28” bicep: 17” bust 58”

11/3 weight: 298.5 hips: 54” waist: 48” bellybutton: 56” thigh: 29” bicep: 16.5” bust: 56.5”

11/11 weight: 293 hips: 55” waist: 48” bellybutton: 56” thigh: 28” bicep: 17” bust: 55.5”

I know “bellybutton” isn’t a great measurement but it’s my biggest insecurity, so I really want to see my stomach get smaller ://

thank you to anyone who is willing to help me! happy monday, or whatever it is where you are :-)

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Journey to Love Myself

I’m 17F, 5’5, small framed and 185lb. 185lb... a number that I’ve told no one, until now.

All my life I’ve always been slightly chubby but as a kid I never really cared since it wasn’t anything CRAZY and plus... I was a kid.

Although coming from an Asian background where looks are about 90% important, I’ve always been told that I’m fat/ugly by people in my own family, and that if I just lost SOME weight I’d look so much better.

So growing up into my teens my self-esteem has always been rock bottom and I’ve always thought that once I become skinny life would become ‘perfect’. I’ve tried nearly every fad diet that you can think of from eggs to weetabix to water fasting. If it promised quick results... I’ve tried it. Even though I knew how damaging and unsustainable those diets were I just didn’t CARE. I was so SICK of living in my own body. I was so sick of feeling like the ‘ugly’ one amongst friends, feeling as though everyone was looking at me and how fat I am... I was willing to do whatever it took, no matter how unhealthy, to try and achieve this ‘dream’ body.

Of course, they didn’t work. It just became an endless cycle of fad dieting, being miserable, thinking fuck this, binging, feeling shitty about my body and the vicious cycle continued. I came to a point where I thought, ‘You know what? Fuck this. I don’t care.’ and I genuinely stopped caring about my appearance, to the extent I’d even refuse to buy myself nice clothes because ‘I’d look ugly in that anyway...’

Deep down, really, I was just masking the pain I was really in and the hatred that I had for my body, that I still have even to this day.

Laying in bed here at 12am, I feel TIRED. I feel TIRED of hating myself, of limiting myself to just my appearance and limiting myself from enjoying my life. So tonight, I’ve decided, I want to take my life back and it starts from NOW. Not next week, not tomorrow but from NOW. I want to finally help myself be in a place where not only am I healthier on a physical level but also mentally.

All these years, I’ve been trying to lose weight in order to try and please/impress others and that’s where I’ve been going wrong.

Weight loss isn’t a race but rather a marathon. It isn’t for anyone else but ME. I want to finally let myself be happy. No more fad diets, no more listening to others.

It’s time I gave myself a real chance and hopefully by posting on here (to whoever may be reading), it can give me the motivation to keep going and maybe even motivate someone else.

I know it won’t be easy, but I’m done hating myself. From today, I’m on a journey to LOVE MYSELF.

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challenging myself to a week with no baked goods

i've been weaning myself off of processed foods and doing pretty well so far. the thing is that, to compensate, i've been baking so many desserts. i try to make things that include fruit, like apple crisp, banana bread or date squares but i'm not kidding myself into thinking that makes them good for me. even if it keeps me from eating a tub of ice cream or some other horrible alternative i would have eaten in the past, i don't think eating a bunch of homemade cookies in a day is exactly conducive for weight loss. also i'm just spending way too much time baking. i don't often do 'challenges' but i think they can be useful if they're both challenging and realistic. i think it would be both those things for me to go a week without any baked goods. so, from this monday to next monday, fruit, nuts, cheese and other snacks are to replace baked goods.

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Family weight loss challenge

Hello!

My uncle started this challenge with some of my niece and nephews and cousins. He is overweight and so are all of us. We are pretty vocal about wanting to lose weight. He started this challenge that we should try to lose 20 pounds by New Years. OR whoever wins the most pounds gets a prize. It’s a cool challenge. And it’s even more exciting cause we all get to do it as a family.

But I want to win. I currently weight 214 pounds. I am 5’9. I am 21 years old. I have a lot of free time so exercising won’t be hard. But the thing that is difficult is the food part. How much am I suppose to it? Is there a certain food that makes you full the longest? What makes people gain weight? Any other advice would be great. I am the oldest in the challenge other than my uncle. And I want to win. Cause it’ll be embarrassing if I lose to a 15 ur old loool. Any tricks or hacks you guys have from your own weight loss journey will help! Thank you.

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